Please, Mr. Brown, I recommend you undress

Yesterday a man asked me to get naked.

It’s true, I can do that to some people. Not wanting to pass up any chance to go native, I agreed. Yes, I know what you’re thinking–these writers think they can bend all the rules! However, the man was a dermatologist. I was there to have this annoyance on my left ear checked. When he found out my sister had some skin cancer once (it appears I should have had my skin viewed annually), that’s when he became interested in my undressing. And in my glorious state of undress, well, with a “gown” that was about as big as a dish towel, he found this thing on my leg.

He’s like, “How long have you had that sore?”

I said, “That old thing, I don’t know, years.”

“Humm,” he said. He noted some odd moles that seemed to be of the happy and peaceful sort. Then he ordered a biopsy of my leg and my ear.

Don’t know the results of the leg yet. He suspects it’s not cancer, just some random mutant growth, which may be a result of the Lizard people that control our lives and which I learned about on book tour when I was at a Barnes & Noble in Arizona telling some folks my novel was about humans being ranched, and a glassy eyed dude sitting on a nearby chair stood up and said, “Your book is true! Your book is true!”

The biopsy of my ear demonstrated that I’m a squamous cell carcinoma head. I’m going to have a bit of Mohs micrographic surgery next Tuesday. He said we caught it very early. So I expect there to be no issues. In my mind it’s like finding a wart. True, this wart could spread. But it isn’t like they’re going to have to cut my ear off and replace it with that of a baboon.

Now, not only did I find Reptoid mutantcy yesterday, but I think the Reptoids have invaded the Logan, Utah police department. I say this because I went to the wrong hospital yesterday. I realized my mistake and zoomed off to the right one. There’s a hundred yard stretch along the road through fields. Lo and behold, after passing through that area, a short 4 seconds, I was pulled over by a cop who gave me a $240 speeding ticket for going 51 in a 30 mph zone. Does this not suggest to you some sort of conspiracy? To me it does. He’s obviously a Reptoid sympathizer.

Here’s more information for the curious.

Squamous cell carcinoma

Mohs micrographic surgery


I think this clearly shows that what separates us from our primate cousins are brassieres and other articles of fine underwear. And as you can see here, they want them! Just another instance of sad human tyranny.

Look at this woman’s face. These are the kinds of people who they feature in horror movies. I think this must be part of casting. Put the actress in a car and see what she does with a troop of baboons. She sits and screams? Perfect. What, she taught them the meaning of roadkill? No, we don’t want anyone like that.

The Reptoids that Control our Lives and Prove My Book is True!

They live in the hollow part of the earth. Which is probably where the 10 Tribes of Israel went as well. And when they return we’ll have all sorts of lizard people high priests and prophets. Anything’s possible. (scroll down to “Reptilians and Shape-shifting”)

Entrances to hollow earth?

Are they real?

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5 Responses to Please, Mr. Brown, I recommend you undress

  1. bonehead-ut says:


    I just had a lump of Basal Cell Carcinoma taken off my neck. The lump was not big, but the scar is about 6 inches long! I wonder where we hung out when we were young that damaged our skin.

  2. John Brown says:

    Hummmmm, slathering ourselves with tanning oil, smelling of junipers and garden hoses. Hummmmmm.

  3. bdayton says:

    The sad part is, my wacked out dad totally believes all this david icke stuff. That lizard man you have there looks awfully reminiscent of a sleestak from Land of the Lost.

  4. WEKM says:

    But getting a baboon ear would be sooooo cool. You would be a hit at LTUE.

    And I haven’t forgotten, I still owe you a poke with a sharp stick for that whole Jude the Obscure thing.
    Then again, it makes me think I was born in the wrong time. If that got published back then, I would have been a writing god. My eyes still bleed just thinking about reading that.

  5. John Brown says:

    Poke? I believe the whole Jude business was completely justified.