Alas, I didn’t know Bryce had posted his. Dang the omniscient glitch! Furthermore, Bryce is a local “Utard” đ
So read the very first interview on The Intelli-Gent Reviews where I reveal that it was Rudolph who really made me want to be a storyteller.
Yesterday a man asked me to get naked.
It’s true, I can do that to some people. Not wanting to pass up any chance to go native, I agreed. Yes, I know what you’re thinking–these writers think they can bend all the rules! However, the man was a dermatologist. I was there to have this annoyance on my left ear checked. When he found out my sister had some skin cancer once (it appears I should have had my skin viewed annually), thatâs when he became interested in my undressing. And in my glorious state of undress, well, with a “gown” that was about as big as a dish towel, he found this thing on my leg.
Heâs like, âHow long have you had that sore?â
I said, âThat old thing, I donât know, years.â
âHumm,â he said. He noted some odd moles that seemed to be of the happy and peaceful sort. Then he ordered a biopsy of my leg and my ear.
Donât know the results of the leg yet. He suspects itâs not cancer, just some random mutant growth, which may be a result of the Lizard people that control our lives and which I learned about on book tour when I was at a Barnes & Noble in Arizona telling some folks my novel was about humans being ranched, and a glassy eyed dude sitting on a nearby chair stood up and said, âYour book is true! Your book is true!â
The biopsy of my ear demonstrated that Iâm a squamous cell carcinoma head. Iâm going to have a bit of Mohs micrographic surgery next Tuesday. He said we caught it very early. So I expect there to be no issues. In my mind itâs like finding a wart. True, this wart could spread. But it isnât like theyâre going to have to cut my ear off and replace it with that of a baboon.
Now, not only did I find Reptoid mutantcy yesterday, but I think the Reptoids have invaded the Logan, Utah police department. I say this because I went to the wrong hospital yesterday. I realized my mistake and zoomed off to the right one. There’s a hundred yard stretch along the road through fields. Lo and behold, after passing through that area, a short 4 seconds, I was pulled over by a cop who gave me a $240 speeding ticket for going 51 in a 30 mph zone. Does this not suggest to you some sort of conspiracy? To me it does. He’s obviously a Reptoid sympathizer.
Here’s more information for the curious.
Squamous cell carcinoma
http://www.aad.org/public/publications/pamphlets/sun_squamous.html
Mohs micrographic surgery
http://mohscollege.org/about/overview.php
Baboons
I think this clearly shows that what separates us from our primate cousins are brassieres and other articles of fine underwear. And as you can see here, they want them! Just another instance of sad human tyranny.
Look at this woman’s face. These are the kinds of people who they feature in horror movies. I think this must be part of casting. Put the actress in a car and see what she does with a troop of baboons. She sits and screams? Perfect. What, she taught them the meaning of roadkill? No, we don’t want anyone like that.
The Reptoids that Control our Lives and Prove My Book is True!
They live in the hollow part of the earth. Which is probably where the 10 Tribes of Israel went as well. And when they return we’ll have all sorts of lizard people high priests and prophets. Anything’s possible.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Icke (scroll down to “Reptilians and Shape-shifting”)
I have finished the rewrite of act 3.
In my last update, I said that I’d written almost 50k words, but Word was counting everything in the document I was working in. I really only had 36k words at that time. The material now totals 50,000 words. Â A pretty hefty chunk that I’ve broken into eleven chapters.
If you recall my process, I’m basically at the end of step 7. Next week I will start my line edits. The week after that I hope to make the copy edits. I know I’ll do those more quickly than I did it the last time because Geoffery Kidd wrote me back in December and shared a wonderful way to quickly find typos and unclosed quotes that should help speed the process this time. His tips won’t take care of everything, of course, but every bit counts. Once I complete the copy edits, we’ll be almost to the finish line.
Earlier this year, Gary Dowell, an editor at Tony C. Smith’s District of Wonders,  contacted me, wanting to know if they could make an audio production of “From the Clay of His Heart”. I was, of course, delighted. Smith’s podcasts include the Hugo Award-winning Starship Sofa.
During our conversation, I suggested that if they were looking for a shorter contemporary fantasy with some more humor, they might also want to consider “Loose in the Wires”.
I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed writing that story.
It all started with one sentence.
I was generating ideas, brainstorming, and out popped this line: “Bill had two African gods in a Smuckerâs jelly jar in his trunk.”
That was the trunk of his car. And these were, of course, live gods. But what would fit in Smucker’s jar? How did they get there? What would they do? And what was going to happen with Bill?
I loved the sound of that line, the image, the situation, but one snippet of an idea is not enough to build a story. I toyed around with the idea now and again. And then years later I was listening to O is for Outlaw by Sue Grafton. The voice of one of the characters was exactly what I needed. He was all hick. And as soon as I decided thatâs what my character would be, the story began to hum with electricity. Very soon after that, I finished it. Orson Card published it in the debut issue of Intergalatic Medicine Show.
For a long time, I’ve wanted to make an audio production, but just haven’t had the time. Well, District of Wonders decided to pick that one up too.
The audio production of “Loose in the Wires” will be featured in their upcoming February, 17th episode.
I’m told the production of “From the Clay of His Heart” should be done soon. I’ll let you know the date it will be available as soon as it’s scheduled.
Four days ago I was on my hands and knees in the garden, muttering, âMy ring. Where is it? Where is it!â
I could have been Bilbo out there among the tomatoes. I could have been Gollumâthough Iâd have to endure a long, worm-filled diet to play that role convincingly.
Iâve been married thirty-six years to a good woman. Youâd think a wedding ring is just a ring.
But it isnât.
Someone memed me Boromir holding up the ring on a chain and saying, âIt is a strange fate that we should suffer so much fear and doubt over so small a thing.â
And I thought, how true! It makes me wonder if Tolkien ever lost his wedding ring.
For two days I searched the ground where Iâd lost itâa long hedge of tomatoes and the sagebrush hill behind where Iâd tossed split fruit. For two nights I went to bed feeling the absence on my hand, as if something vital had been taken from me.
Then, with the help of a Garrett ACE 250 metal detector I rented from a fine establishment in Logan, Utah, I found it.
It was just lying there in the open in a spot Iâd checked half a dozen times. The detector beeped. And there it was.
My precious. My precious, precious reminder of thirty-six years with my admirable wife and our four wonderful daughters. It feels so good to have it back on my finger.
How strange that so many memories are wrapped up in so small a thing. It almost demands a new story about a magic ring. In fact, the experience might just influence the ending of ASSASSIN. Thatâs how writing works sometimesâlife drops the ideas right in your tomato patch.
Speaking of ASSASSIN, it is coming along nicely. Ferran and company just turned a major corner with the help of a spunky kid in the city. And thereâs an exciting scene coming up where all heck is about to break loose.
On another note, many of you have asked about GLORY, the fourth book in the Dark God series. Itâs next in the queue. Iâll write that climax as soon as I finish ASSASSIN. I already have an opening, a rough outline, and plenty of notesâdogmen, dreadmen, Gloriesâthe works. Itâs coming, and I think the revelation of whatâs really happening will surprise you.
Finally, Iâm not dead yet, nor am I the fount of all wisdom, but I can say this: spend time with those you love, laugh with them, go on adventures. Because one day youâll lose your ringâor some other small token bound up with all of itâand know exactly how precious those memories are.
Peace out, my fellow dreadmen and fell maidens.
The copy edits for CURSE and RAVELER are finished. The artist has also begun working on the cover for RAVELER.
The next task is to review and add anything necessary to make the ending of CURSE and the beginning of RAVELER work in their new roles.
And then it’s pub time. Getting very close now, folks.
IÂ have been making progress on my next novel. Today, I revised the second draft up to the climax. Tomorrow, I get into it. It’s going to be an awesome battle with lots of heroics. Can’t wait. You’ll notice the progress meter. I thought the book would be 35k. A quickie. But it’s probably going to end up at 60k. Almost twice as long, but still the shortest novel I’ve ever written.
You can see some of the images I’ve been gathering for this on Pinterest.
The thing that’s eluding me at this point is the name of the series itself.
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I appreciate the shoutout. My blog is severely lacking in readership right now, so all new visitors are appreciated. I’ve also been feeling a little under the weather, so my writing and my reading have been replaced by wandering the internet and feeling lousy. Hopefully both those things will change soon, and I can get some more reviews and a few thousand more words cranked out on the novel. Again, thanks for the link John.