Call the Nestle Hotline at 1-800 295-0051.
When asked if you want to continue in English or Spanish, wait quietly for about 10 seconds and you will smile.
Keep going and press 4. I personally loved option 7. What’s your favorite?
Don’t think it’s legit? It is: http://www.nestlecrunch.com/
Since we now know that happiness is contagious and that a happy friend is worth $20,000, I figured I’d provide a practical means of infecting you with some mild levels of joy so you could increase your value. Hey, who needs stinking bionics to become the million-dollar man?
Have you ever noticed that using some words elevates your mood?
No?
Trust me. Words do have power. And I am sure researchers could prove that if you used a certain number of words like “schlub,” “smithereens,” and “diddly” each day, you could raise your happiness level by some statistically significant amount. And even if they couldn’t demonstrate this, that would only prove that some scientists are made of styrofoam. But we knew that already. The point is that there are some words that are so delicious, goofy, or beautiful they must be preserved at all costs. If only for their happy-making ability. And in that light, I present to you “hornswoggle.”
(HORN-swog-uhl)
MEANING: verb tr.: To cheat, hoax, or deceive someone.
Hornswoggle.
USAGE: “Now, however, some special interests are out to hornswoggle residents, and they’re stooping low to do it.” Lauren Ritchie; But Doctor, Your Name is on the Mailer; The Orlando Sentinel (Florida); Oct 4, 2006.
Aaaah, I’m feeling better already.
You can use this too. See: “Son, don’t try to hornswoggle me,” “That dude’s a hornswoggler,” “Joe’s auto-body is a hornswoggling den of mechanical iniquity.”
Now add to that skedaddle, discombobulate, and flummadiddle. (If you want definitions, just visit this list from wordsmith.org.)
Take them home with you. Use them. Spread the happiness around.
On your left you may observe King Charles the 1st of England, the man who mandated the collection of urine. It was a patriotic thing.
Dude.
I love, LOVE, finding out how they used to make things. And it seems that making gunpowder back in the day spawned all sorts of jobs that beg to be put into a novel.
You’ve heard of tanners, bakers, tailors–how about a peterman, as in a collector of saltpeter?
Here are some juicy quotes from http://www-geology.ucdavis.edu/~cowen/~gel115/115CH16fertilizer.html
QUOTE 1: “By the end of the 1500s, the standard formula for military-grade gunpowder was saltpeter, sulfur, and charcoal dust in the ratio 6:1:1.
At this time, the only source of potassium nitrate was from rotting organic matter, especially rotting meat and urine. The saltpeter supplier would send out teams of collectors who would locate promising places to dig (abandoned privies and dungheaps) by tasting the soil before digging it out and carting it off to be boiled, strained and evaporated to produce saltpeter of the required purity. It is said that throughout Europe no privy, stable, or dovecote was safe from saltpeter collectors or ‘petermen’.”
QUOTE 2: “In 1626, King Charles I ordered “his loving subjects [to] carefully and constantly keep and preserve in some convenient vessels or receptacles fit for the purpose, all the urine of man during the whole year, and all the stale of beasts which they can save and gather together whilst their beasts are in their stables and stalls, and that they be careful to use the best means of gathering together and preserving the urine and stale, without mixture of water or other thing put therein. Which our commandment and royal pleasure, being easy to observe, and so necessary for the public service of us and our people, that if any person do be remiss thereof we shall esteem all such persons contemptuous and ill affected both to our person and estate, and are resolved to proceed to the punishment of that offender with what severity we may.”
There are more interesting facts in the short article. In fact, a number of the pages at that site yield up some gems like this Rudyard Kipling poem:
Gold is for the mistress, silver for the maid
Copper for the craftsman cunning at his trade
“Good!” said the Baron, sitting in his hall
“But Iron–cold iron–is master of them all.”
Scott Card recently wrote “Marriage needs lots of humor.” It’s an awful title for one of the best articles of his that I’ve ever read.
I’m not going to spoil it for you. But I will say that I’ve found that it’s the small things that seem to make the biggest difference in relationships. And this is one of those small things that packs a HUGE punch. But not until this article did I realize it.
And for you writers who are wanting insights on what makes characters interesting and sympathetic–there’s a little treasure trove here for you as well.
Enjoy!
Humans are blind. Really, think about all the things we cannot hear, see, smell, feel. Our world is so small. So when a device comes along that reveals a new part of the sensory spectrums we use, then I say, “cool!”
Of course, when I was a kid, you’d see ads for the X-ray glasses in all the boy magazines along with ads for Sea Monkeys and whoopee-cushions.
Well, now they’re not just gimmicks. You’ve heard of x-rays, gamma rays, ultraviolet rays, infrared–well, here are t-rays.
T-rays are emitted by all the objects around you, but they cannot be seen by humans. T-rays can go through just about anything except metal and water. People who spend serious time thinking about T-rays say this ability, the result of their short wavelengths, make them ideal candidates for certain types of medical imaging.
Among other potential uses imagined are: safer versions of X-rays; scanning baggage at airports; identifying large biological molecules such as proteins, viruses and bacteria; and even measuring the effectiveness of facial moisturizers. Read article here.
Here’s where t-rays fit on the electromagnetic spectrum.
And here’s the article that sparked it all today: Britain makes camera that “sees” under clothes. I guess one of those egg-head boys grew up and decided to make his dream come true, all in the name of science, medicine, and the Queen, of course.
I found this a fascinating talk. It’s Ira Glass who is the executive producer of the This American Life radio program from Chicago Public Radio. It’s a show that merges true stories (and some short fiction) of everyday people, surprise, humor, and meaning. There’s a structure to the types of stories that they produce. It’s not a new thing. It’s used all the time in a venue many of us are familiar with. Maybe you’ll identify that venue immediately. If not, it doesn’t matter. Watch and listen. This is a fascinating talk and it highlights just how much humor, curiosity, and insight depend on surprise.
Ira Glass at Gel 2007 from Gel Conference on Vimeo.
