Good Stuff! Brown Bananas, Peerless, and Cinderella

ByJohn Brown

BrownBanansI’ve solved the banana bane.

The banana bane is this. You buy bananas, and the next day they’ve got freckles. Nobody likes freckled bananas, so everyone leaves them on the counter, thinking that someone else in the family must be a freckled banana fan. But nobody is a freckled banana fan, which means a few days after that, they’re brown. Then black. Then you toss them into the garbage and go to the store and start it all over.

I’m going to tell you how to stop the madness. I’m going to tell you what you do with brown bananas. The Brown family discovered this last week. (Yes, the Brown family discovered the solution to brown bananas, strange, isn’t it…)

I know some of you are thinking, oh, banana bread.

Are you kidding? Banana bread is cake in bread form. It’s nice once in a while. But who wants to make four loaves of cake every week and gain five million pounds?

I’m not talking about a sumo weight-gain program that involves cake.

And I’m not talking about taking them over to Joan and Cardon Willis’s place and feeding them to their pigs. They have a very nice sow who, Joan reports, loves bananas. The sow’s little piglets do whatever she does. She scratches her bum on a post; they scratch their bums. She grunts; they grunt. So I assume since mumma loves bananas, the little piggies love bananas too. But I’m not talking about turning your bananas into someone else’s bacon.

No.

I’m talking about extending their useful life by days.

I’m talking about consuming them yourself.

I’m talking about making something delicious, sweet, and healthy with them.

What is this magnificent discovery?

Smoothies.

With brown bananas.

What?

Yes. Look, we were out of fruit. We had milk, freckled bananas sliding towards completely toasty tan, and a little bit of chocolate powder. We were desperate.

Desperate people try desperate things. Some do not work out. Like the one time I tried asparagus in eggs. Think green sticks for breakfast. But sometimes they do.

Case in point: John’s Chocolate Banana Whip.

  • 1 brown or freckled banana
  • 1 cup of milk (use almond milk if you don’t like the cow variety)
  • 1 tablespoon Nesquick (no, you don’t need the 3 tablespoons they recommend)

Throw it all in the blender and frappe until smooth.

It’s heaven. Especially good after a nice hike-jog in the middle of the day.

BTW, frappe is one of those words that makes you think I know what I’m talking about. Can you feel my chef aura radiating off the page?

But Nesquick, John. That’s so white-trash unhealthy.

Fine, you don’t want the added sugar? No problem. Try this one.

Ellianna’s Strawberry Surprise

  • 1 brown or freckled banana
  • 1 cup of milk
  • 1 cup frozen strawberries

Frappe until you’re happy.

You can do this with frozen blueberries. You can add Greek yogurt–and let me tell you the Great Value plain Greek yogurt made with whole milk is delicious. You can add more fruit. Less fruit. Add ice. Whatever you like.

The bottom line is that brown bananas are delicious in smoothies. And they should be—bananas are at their sweetest when they’re brown.

It’s summer. It’s hot. Time for smoothies with sweet brown bananas.

*****

I like a clean van. But I live in the country, and I don’t have a pickup. This means the minivan has to haul stuff. It’s hauled hay, plants, dirt, kids—you name it.

We vacuum, but there are things a vacuum can’t touch. And if we want our van carpet and upholstery shampooed, we have to drive an hour to Logan, then leave the car at the shop for a full day.

A full day.

They want you to drop it off in the morning, pick it up in the afternoon. So what am I  going to do all day? Bring my bicycle and ride around with Brent, the happy dude with horns and flags on his bike that pedals up and down main street, waving to everyone?

Needless to say, shampooing was infrequent.

But then one day a few weeks ago I was talking to Patrick Floyd in Laketown. I was actually talking to him in Suzanne Siddoway’s basement.

What were two men doing in her basement?

We were doing what many men do in her basement…

We were sitting around waiting for her to cut our hair. What else would men be doing in her basement? (You know, it’s Quin’s basement too.)

And Patrick said that he’d started a new business called Peerless Detailing. He was trained and had the equipment to detail boats, cars, vehicles of all kinds.

I said, “Do you do just a shampoo?”

“Whatever you need,” he said.

I said, “Duuuude!”

You have to read that with kind of a hope, like a thirsty man seeing an ice cream truck in the middle of the Serengeti.

He said, “Yeah.”

I said, “Man.”

He said, “Yup.”

I said, “Alright.”

After that scintillating conversation, I took my van over. Patrick of Peerless did verily clean that carpet and upholstery. And he did it for less money than it would have cost me in Logan! And in less time!

I got back a new van. It smelled great. Looked great. I felt like rolling around on the carpet in joy, but refrained. Instead, I drove home, and everyone in the house rejoiced. We drove around a little, just to celebrate.

A week later, we had to haul more crap. I took the seats out. I put them in the garage. This was a dumb thing to do. I’d learned long ago to put them in the house. See, we leave our garage door cracked so our mouse control service can get in and out, the mouse control consisting of five cats.

Sometimes, other cats figure they can help themselves to whatever’s in the garage. Some of those cats are stray toms. And because I don’t mark my territory with my own scent, which I’m sure would put the fear of whatever cat god is out there into them, they think they can muscle in. Feel like they can claim the place for their own.

And so they spray.

I’ve been meaning to get a gun. A paintball gun, if nothing else. I figure a few stings with a paintball ought to learn the dogs and cats and deer. It’s my theory, and I’m going to test it one of these days. So if you one day see various animals walking around with polka dots, you know what’s going on. Anyway, I don’t have a gun, and I’m not going to go around and mark the perimeter of my yard. You know how much water I’d have to drink!

So this cat came in and sprayed.

He sprayed one of my newly cleaned captain chairs!

(Anyone who wants to practice their marksmanship on live targets, just let me know.)

So what do you do? Well, I’ll tell you this: we didn’t have to set the seat on fire. No. We just called Patrick.

Patrick did his magic and removed the offending blankity-blank cat spray. And the seat was as good as new.

Can I tell you how happy I am we now have someone doing this in Laketown?

I’m ecstatic. I plan to take my vehicles in once or twice a year. Why not?

If you need your boat or car or van detailed, I think you’ll be pleased with Peerless. You can call Patrick at (435) 535-1493 and set up an appointment. I think he’s mobile to boot and can to it at your residence.

*****

Cinderella2015Okay, movie time. I have four daughters. They all wanted to see Cinderella.

Except, what new thing can you do with Cinderella?

I mean, how many different ways can you see her leave a glass slipper behind and still reel in shock at the story turn?

Well, how many Bond movies do we see that follow the same darned plot? And we still love them. It’s very often the details that make the difference. And this new Disney version of Cinderella with live actors included a number of wonderful details.

Like how Cinderella got in this fix in the first place. And how her position in the household devolves.

And what’s motivating the stepmother, who is played wonderfully by Cate Blanchette.

And the relationship between the king and prince, and Cinderella and her father.

And a little bit of wisdom.

I enjoyed this film. I think the key thing that lifts this above many remakes is the insight it gives into the key characters and relationships. And the many small surprises along the way.

If you have daughters, this is a no-brainer for a date. If you liked the original Cinderella, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised by this version. If you like romances, this is a classic. Furthermore, you’ll go away with a little something to think and talk about. I gave it a try; I was glad I did.

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  • Good Stuff! StoryBrand

    ByJohn Brown

    Folks running for office, especially our wonderful citizens running for local county offices, business owners, and any of the rest of us who what to persuade people to listen, I’ve got something for you.

    I will bet that most of you aren’t aware that you’re muddling your message and losing votes, sales, and converts to your causes.

    Of course, maybe you’re way ahead of me. I thought I knew what I was doing. I have a master’s degree in business, spent a few years in business consulting, have created a few small startups, and currently am a product manager for large software company. Despite all of that, I had somehow missed something vital. Something simple and powerful. Something that has a dramatic effect on sales, votes, and converts. On getting people to even listen to what I had to say.

    And I’m not alone. I saw another company struggling with it this weekend.

    On Saturday I went and watched the latest Marvel movie at a theater in Logan. One of the pre-movie video ads was for a local company called Conservice. I don’t know how many thousands of dollars they spent on the ad they played. Or how much they spent on the many other ads we’ve seen over the years. But when it finished, I turned to Nellie and said, “I still don’t know what that company does or why I should care.”

    “I know,” she said. “I know.”

    We were both baffled. After years of seeing their ads, we still have no idea what they do, how it would make our lives better, or what action we should take to use their service.

    They have wasted thousands and thousands of dollars on their marketing.

    There’s another local company that advertises during those pre-movie slots. It’s called ARS. I saw one of their ads this weekend as well. But it only reminded me of what I already know. I know exactly what they do, how it would make my life better, and what action to take.

    If you have a flood, fire, or plumbing backup—whatever—they clean it up. “Got a mess? Call ARS.” That’s their one-liner.

    If I ever have a mess, I will call ARS. I will never call Conservice. I have no idea what they do.

    What’s the difference here?

    Clarity.

    And what generates that clarity?

    A complete focus on the customer. The ARS ads are all about the customer and their problems and needs.

    The Conservice ads, on the other hand, are all about Conservice. We’ve been in business for x years. Here’s what our building looks like. Here’s a worker planting a bush. Blah, blah, blah.

    The ARS ads are all about me, the guy in the theater seat, the thing I want and the problem I have. ARS features me as the hero in my own story. They present themselves as the helper—the Yoda or Gandalf or Haymitch who helps the hero get what they want. You got a mess? We’ll help you.

    The difference in the power of the two ads is night and day.

    Of course this means it’s been verified that I’m a dolt. After all the years in business and education, I should have known this. But the surprising truth is that I’m not alone.

    I look at the marketing we do at the billion-dollar company I work for and see this same issue everywhere. Millions of dollars spent on muddles. I look at company websites on the internet and see more muddles. I recently listened to pitches by many of our local citizens running for office and saw the same thing. It seems this communication muddle afflicts a lot of us.

    About five years ago, when I began investigating an idea for a new company, I came across the Lean Startup method pioneered by a guy at Stanford and began to see the light. But a few months ago, the curtains were completely pulled aside to let in the sunshine. And wow! What a revelation.

    If you want to get people to listen, you have got to hear what Donald Miller has to say. He’s consulted with thousands of companies on how to clarify their message so people will listen. His framework and method make clarifying your message so easy.

    He calls it the StoryBrand framework, and it’s brilliant. What it does is help you clarify your message so that a customer or voter or whoever will know within three seconds:

    1. What you offer
    2. How it will make their life better
    3. And what action they should take if they are interested

    But it goes beyond that. It helps you actually define what you should be offering in the first place. It’s a powerful product development tool. I’ve started using this in all my business efforts. And in my training and presentations.

    For example, I just used it to develop a presentation I delivered at a huge writer’s conference last week. The results were that after the presentation, I had a line of people wanting to thank me. I had people telling me I made them cry. Others wanted to give me a hug. They were grateful. I had people tell me it was the best presentation of the conference.

    This was not because I’m brilliant. I’m a dolt, remember. It’s because I used the StoryBrand framework to focus on those people. Their needs. Their problems. Their aspirations.

    If you’re running for office, if you have a business, if you want to persuade anyone to do anything, then let me recommend you listen to this guy and learn about this framework.

    Get the revelation. Get out of the muddle. And get people to listen.

    And when you’ve finished the Miller stuff above, read How to Write Copy That Sells by Ray Edwards, the guy who has partnered with Miller. It’s all about clarifying your message as well.

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  • “26 Monkeys, Also The Abyss” by Kij Johnson

    ByJohn Brown

    Why is Kij smiling?

    Because she knows how the blasted monkeys do it!

    And she’s not telling, neither. Neener-neener.

    I just read Johnson’s story and enjoyed it. I enjoyed the inexplicable trick, the narrator, the transport to this odd and wonderful traveling troupe, and dang it, even the ending. Furthermore, there are moments in the story that capture the wonderousness of these fellow animals so well that they shine like jewels.

    I always wanted a monkey friend. You can read about someone who has 26 of them.

     It’s on her website, free, just waiting to be enjoyed. Kind of like a delicous mango or bananna.
    .
    .
    .
    .

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  • Good Stuff! Easy WFPB

    ByJohn Brown

    If you’ve decided to try the whole-food, plant-based lifestyle (WFPB) to lose weight or lower your risk of certain diseases, you will immediately find there’s a bit of a learning curve.

    That’s because the food culture in the United States is geared towards foods that are animal-based and processed—cheese, meats, sugar, flour-based products, chips, candy, etc. In fact, WFPB is such a large change, you might wonder if you’ll be eating anything other than cardboard.

    I can happily report that WFPB eating is satisfying and delicious.

    Let’s review the general guidelines. With WFPB there are three things to avoid or minimize.

    • Added sugar (and artificial sweeteners)
    • Flour-based products
    • Animal-based products (meat, dairy, eggs)

    And there are five things you eat. The main four include:

    • Legumes
    • Grains (as close to whole kernel as you can get it)
    • Vegetables
    • Fruits (natural form, not canned)

    The fifth category is some added fat on the side. That includes things like a tablespoon of mayo, peanut butter, oil, avocado, etc. Or it could be an ounce of nuts or seeds.

    We’ve found it easiest to compose a meal by simply thinking about the five categories and filling in the blanks. If you don’t include one of the main four groups in a meal, that’s fine. Just be sure you’re not excluding it all the time.

    There are dozens and dozens of delicious meals. Over the next months I’ll be sharing some of those we love. Let’s start with the base.

    The base

    Grains

    Our InstaPot has been a huge help with grains. It makes them so easy to cook. You can make them in a batch and enjoy them over the course of a few days.

    Wheat

    • 2 cups food storage wheat berries (Yes! Finally a use for all those bags of food storage wheat in the basement!)
    • 5.5 cups water (or use vegetable stock if you want it savory)
    • ½ tsp salt
    • Cook for 35 minutes on high pressure followed by immediate pressure release. Drain if necessary.

    Rye berries, oat groats, pearled barley, brown rice

    • 2 cups grain
    • 2.5 cups water (or vegetable stock if you want it savory)
    • ½ tsp salt
    • Cook for 22 minutes on high pressure followed by 10 minutes of natural pressure release. Drain if necessary.

    When you want the grain as a savory dish, use vegetable broth or stock. It gives the grain a wonderful flavor. It’s total magic. You can get cartons at the grocery store for under two bucks. 

    For rice, we love the Lundberg wild rice mix. Lundberg also happens to be California rice which doesn’t have the high levels of arsenic that rice from the Southern United States has.

    Legumes

    Lentils

    • 1 cup brown or green lentils (do not use red for this)
    • 2 cups vegetable broth (the broth is the magical ingredient)
    • ½ tsp salt
    • Cook for 15 minutes on high with 10 minutes of natural pressure release. Drain if necessary.

    For other beans, we just purchased them in the can. They’re cheap and easy. Pinto, black, white, black-eyed peas, etc. You might find it easiest to start with pinto and garbanzo beans.

    Fruits

    Easy. Just get whole fruits. You can also get the frozen berries and cherries.

    Vegetables

    Easy. Just get a variety of veggies and salad.

    Nuts and seeds

    Easy. Get whole almonds, pecans, walnuts, etc. Whatever you like. Try to get them raw. You can heat them up in a pan on the over before you eat. Stove-roasted pecans are tasty.  

    Added oils

    Olive oil, avocado oil, coconut oil. You’re not going to be using a ton. If you want to use mayo and salad dressing, do it. Again, you’re not going to be using much.

    Spices

    Use all you want—cinnamon, ginger, basil, etc. Also use mustard, soy sauce, hot sauce. Balsamic vinegar is great on many things.

    Recipes

    With meal recipes we mix and match. Here are some meals we like.

    Grain Bowl

    For 1 person.

    • 4-6 oz of grain
    • 6 oz of berries, cherries, or 1 whole fruit
    • Some almond milk
    • Some spices like cinnamon or pumpkin pie spice or ginger (could do fresh ginger if you like it), or cocoa.
    • 1 oz of nuts, 1 tablespoon of peanut butter, or 1 tablespoon of coconut cream
    • Heat in microwave if desired

    Great for breakfast. Using different fruits and spices gives it lots of variety from day to day.

    Homemade Costa Vida Salad

    For 1 person.

    • 4-6 oz beans
    • 3-4 oz salad greens (you will need a big bowl)
    • Some mango salsa
    • 1 tablespoon Ranch dressing or may
    • 2 or 3 tablespoons of balsamic vinegar
    • Salt and pepper to taste

    Just mix it all up and enjoy. You can add cooked rice if you want and other sautéed veggies. You can also add rosemary leaves and turmeric for the health benefits.

    Other tips

    Here are some other things we’ve found.

    • Broccoli tastes the best, hands down, when cooked in a steamer.
    • Cabbage is great when steamed and stir fried with soy sauce, ginger, garlic powder, and onion powder
    • Succotash is tasty, especially if you make it with some small cubes of potato.
    • You can substitute lentils for ground beef in many meals. We’ve done it with stuff green peppers, shepherd’s pie, and many others, and our picky, teenage daughter actually likes it.
    • Some corn added to beans for a burrito or chili gives it a nice sweet flavor.
    • Sautéed mushrooms are great with onion powder, garlic powder, and thyme.
    • Garbanzos go really well with peanuts.

    We’re not fanatics about this. But I’d say we’ve been able to get 90% of the way to a WFPB lifestyle. And we’re enjoying the food. In fact, the longer we eat this way, the tastier it becomes.

    For about two years, we ate a diet high in vegetables and animal-based foods (meat, dairy, and eggs). We were diligent, but didn’t see the results we hoped for. Four months ago, we switched over to WFPB. I recently had some blood work done. After four months of eating this new way, I’ve dropped about fifteen pounds. My total cholesterol is down from 214 to 188. My blood sugar levels went from 107 to 83. And my blood pressure has improved. And that’s after just four months with some days of holiday eating mixed in. I can’t wait to see what happens after eating this way for a year.

    If you want to hear the research behind this to consider the evidence yourself, I recommend the following:

    • The China Study: The Most Comprehensive Study of Nutrition Ever Conducted (Revised and Expanded) by Colin T. Campbell, PhD
    • Whole: Rethinking the Science of Nutrition by Colin T. Campbell, PhD
    • How Not to Die: Discover the Foods Scientifically Proven to Prevent and Reverse Disease by Michael Greger, M.D.
    • How Not to Diet: The Groundbreaking Science of Healthy, Permanent Weight Loss by Michael Greger, M.D.

    You can get all of them from your local library. If they don’t have the books there physically, ask the librarian how to use their Overdrive account to check out an ebook or audio book version online.

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  • Tales From Earthsea

    ByJohn Brown

    Tales from Earthsea (The Earthsea Cycle, Book 5) 

    When I was in 7th grade I read Tolkien’s The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Of course, I wasn’t the sharpest literary tack back then, and so great sections of The Two Towers and The Return of the King went over my head and, therefore, bored me. But, with the help of the Hildenbrant calendars, enough came through to thrill. I wept at the events in the mines of Moria with Gandalf, geeked out over the elves, orcs, and Nazgul, was fascinated with the Ents and wizards, and generally wanted to stay in that world forever.

    When I finished the trilogy, I mourned–the dream was over. I read Smith of Wootton Major and Farmer Giles of Ham. Both were delightful, but neither was the same as LOTR. Then I saw The Silmarillion. It had a cool cover, a map.

    Oh, joy! I bought it and took it home.

    Alas, that book was about as much fun as reading a ten-pounder on the history of baroque cornices. I tried mightily to push through, but I don’t think I was able to finish more than 15 pages total from all the sections. So I mourned again, and then, still feeling the loss, went looking for something else that might whisk me away.

    One of those whisking stories was Ursula LeGuin’s A Wizard of Earthsea. Of course, the fact that there was a wizard in it was important, but as equally delightful to my then puny literary prowess, was that the story was a slim thing. As were its two companions The Tombs of Atuan and The Farthest Shore.

    Here’s the cover the drew me in so long ago.

    I relished all three and moved on to other stories.

    Time passed and I forgot about LeGuin. Almost 10 years later I was newly married. My wonderful new wife started reading to me as we’d drive. And on one of the three-hour drives to her parents, she pulled out this little book and began to read.

    It was A Wizard of Earthsea! And it was just as marvelous the second time with a bigger brain as it was the first time with a smaller one. In fact, Nellie’s reading to me was so enjoyable I slowed down to 40 mph so I could extend the 3-hour drive. Of course, she quickly caught on to my scheme, shut the book, and told me she wouldn’t read another word unless I drove 65 mph, at the very least.

    What can a guy do? I kept it at 65 (well, 60) and joyed in the wonderfulness of a new wife who would read aloud to me (you mean this model reads, too?!), the night and the stars spread above those lonely Utah and Wyoming roads, and the amazing story unfolding before me.

    And this is the cover of the one my wife read to me.

    We read all three to each other and moved onto other stories.

    More than 15 years passed and I’d mostly forgotten LeGuin (I really never could get into her Hainish stuff). I was in the library looking for some good audio. And there on the shelf stood Tales from Earthsea by Ursual LeGuin.

    Just a little slim container of cassettes. Why not? I thought.

    Holy heroes, Batman—it was gold. LeGuin’s a master of building that feel: the wonder of fantasy, the mystery of things long forgotten or rumored to exist, the pull of learning arcane powers. I loved every minute of it (well, except for the slogging first four pages of backstory, but get through that, which isn’t too bad with Karr’s reading, and you’re into the kingdom). The first story, “The Finder,” read by Amanda Karr was incredible. It takes us back to how Roke became was it was in the first trilogy. But the delights do not end there. Four more stories follow.

    I liked them all so much, I just checked the audiobook out again so I could listen a second time. And, it appears, LeGuin was busy in my absence because she has more Earthsea than this.

    • A Wizard of Earthsea, 1968
    • The Tombs of Atuan, 1971
    • The Farthest Shore, 1972 (Winner of the National Book Award)
    • Tehanu: The Last Book of Earthsea, 1990 (Winner of the Nebula Award)
    • Tales From Eathersea, 2001 (a collection of short stories)
    • The Other Wind, 2001

    I just got the last two from Amazon. I can’t wait to enter into LeGuin’s magic spell yet again.

    More cool Earthsea stuff.

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  • Good Stuff! The Chosen

    ByJohn Brown

    Nellie and I stumbled onto a new TV series that we are really enjoying. It’s made us laugh, think, and feel. It’s called The Chosen and is based on the life of Jesus Christ, but it’s not like any Jesus series I’ve seen before.

    Now I have to admit that when I first saw ads for this, I wasn’t interested. It’s not that I don’t like videos about scriptures. There are some I love. It’s just that the purpose of so many of them is to illustrate a scripture instead of tell a story. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just that when I’m looking for a drama, I want to watch a drama.

    But this series is different. They have taken a historical fiction approach, which means that while they adhere as closely to the facts as we know them, they don’t limit the story to those facts. And so they imagine people, events, and motives that are plausible, and then tell a story. A great example of this type of storytelling is Gerald N. Lund’s bestselling The Work and The Glory series about a family in the early 1800s who join The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Or Michael Shaara’s bestselling The Killer Angels about the battle of Gettysburg in the United States Civil War.

    The Chosen focuses on stories about characters surrounding Jesus and those who plausibly could have met him. It also imagines Jesus as more than a sober Lord. He laughs, jokes, engages with children. It is a reimagining of the familiar that makes the story fresh again and leaves you wondering and pondering.

    It’s created by Dallas Jenkins, an evangelical Christian, and produced and distributed by VidAngel Studios, run by Latter-day Saints. And their love of and delight in the subject show. I can’t wait to see the next episode. You can watch it right now for free. Go to the VidAngel site or to https://studios.vidangel.com/the-chosen/. Or you can watch it on YouTube with ads.

    If you like religious fiction, if you like a good drama, if you’re interested in knowing more about the life and times of Jesus Christ, then I think you’ll love this.

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  • The Profiler, Almond Milk, and Uncle Sam

    ByJohn Brown

    Real crime 

    It’s 1990. You’re a housewife, homeschooling your children, and renting a room upstairs to a young man to make ends meet. There are a few odd things about the young man, but you overlook them. Then one day a woman is strangled on a jogging path near your home, and your first thought is that the young man living in your house has something to do with it.

    What do you do?

    Pat Brown found herself in this exact situation. She voiced her suspicions to her husband, but it was all too farfetched. However, the nagging thought wouldn’t let her go, and she soon uncovered evidence that made the young man a strong suspect.

    She took the evidence to the police, but they dismissed her as a bored housewife with an overactive imagination. She evicted the young man, but it would be six years before the authorities would finally bring him in for questioning.

    Dismayed and frustrated, Brown started down a path that would lead to her become a professional criminal profiler, assisting police departments and victims’ families by analyzing both physical and behavioral evidence to make the most scientific determination possible about who committed a crime.

    In The Profiler: My Life Hunting Serial Killers and Psychopaths Brown tells about what happened with that young man and her journey to becoming a profiler, then she opens a number of other cases she’s worked on, giving the reader a behind-the-scenes look at how profilers work, and how their methods bring new investigative avenues to light. She also brings home very clearly just how many murders go unsolved. It’s an absolutely fascinating read.

    Milk that doesn’t moo

    I used to think soy milk was either for the lactose intolerant or hippies. And so I always avoided that milk section of the grocery store. But, having embarked on a new way of eating that I’ll explain in another column, I was induced to approach the alternative milk shelves. I purchased a carton of soy milk, but then I saw cartons of something even more strange: almond milk.

    Puzzling. I knew, of course, that almonds did not have udders. So nobody was out there hooking them up to tiny milking machines. And they were nuts, so it’s not like you can squeeze them to make them release their tasty juices. Instead, I learned that almond milk is made by finely grinding almonds together with water. I thought this was something new, invented perhaps by a Californian who’d had too much weed, but it appears many Medieval European recipes called for almond milk, and it has always been a popular beverage in the Middle East. So almond milk has been around for some time.

    But I didn’t know any of this. I just knew I loved almonds and that they provide all sorts of goodies for the human body. Besides, I have a hard time resisting adventures. So along with the soy, I picked up a carton of Silk’s PureAlmond regular, vanilla, and chocolate milk.

    The soy was okay, but it left a weird zingy taste in my mouth. Furthermore, soy contains estrogen. I’m sure it’s a fine product, but I live with four daughters and don’t need any more estrogen. And I certainly don’t need it mutating me in any, um, feminine ways. So I put the soy aside and gave the almond milk a go.

    It was delicious. I love the vanilla and regular flavors the best. In fact, I like it so much I only drink cow’s milk when the last drop of almond milk is gone, and I try to make sure that never happens. Some might worry that I’ll deplete my calcium stores, but not so. Almond milk actually has MORE calcium than cow’s milk along with vitamin D that allows the body to absorb the mineral. It also has 50% of the RDA of vitamin E, of which cow’s milk has none. But that’s all technical vitaminy stuff. It wouldn’t matter if the milk itself didn’t taste so dang good.

    The American breakfast

    I love cereal. We have our standard favorites as a family, but I also like to get a box of something new when we shop. I recently saw, perched up on the top shelf at Wal-Mart, boxes of  Uncle Sam.

    What the heck? Was this a Tea Party product? I know Utah is conservative, but come on. And what kind of nut sings “The Stars and Stripes” for breakfast?

    Well, I might.

    So I promptly snagged a box and read that it’s been around since 1908, thus making it politically neutral. Then I read the ingredients. It’s a simple cereal made of wheat berries that are steamed, rolled, and toasted to provide killer whole grain nutrition. Those wheat flakes are then mixed with flax seeds (omega 3’s anyone?). That’s it.

    I purchased a box, felt patriotic, and then gave it a try when we got home. I’ve been buying it regularly ever since. It’s slammed with 10 grams of fiber and 7 grams of protein, and goes great with Silk’s vanilla almond milk and a piece of fruit.

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8 Comments

  1. Wow! A Three-Huzzah for you !! And for me, getting to read three things!

    I think there are some bananas that are heading towards ‘brown’. Now I just have to find the blender. And some chocolate powder. Will a brownie (the spouse just made them tonight) work instead? And how will my glucose level react?

    Enquiring minds and all that. Gotta think on that tomorrow.

    After I find the blender.

  3. FWIW — I was amused to see a small poster at our grocery recently explaining the stages of the banana, from green, through green-tipped, through all yellow… to sugar spots! Much nicer than brown spots, right? Knowing that those show it is sweet could help make those bananas get eaten, right?

  5. I actually only buy bananas once they look like they do in the picture. I’ve never enjoyed eating them any other way. If the store doesn’t have any ripe bananas, I wait until next time. If I don’t eat them within a couple of days, I freeze them. That means when I turn them into protein shakes or smoothies, I need less ice (read: water) and the drink tastes even better.

    Bananas cost half as much if you buy them in the “overripe” category (slightly more spotted than those pictured). Then just take them home and freeze them right away. There are usually no brown spots on the banana itself, and if there are you just cut it away before freezing. This is when bananas are sweetest. I can’t stand that “sticky” feeling I get in my mouth from eating a green banana.

  7. Regarding asparagus & eggs: You have to pre-cook the asparagus before adding them to the eggs. You can steam or grill them; I tend to pan-fry them in a bit of butter with garlic salt. So, snap off the ends and wash the asparagus, then slice into short pieces. Melt some butter in a large pan and toss in the asparagus, separating them in the pan (don’t pile them in, they’ll just steam). Sprinkle with a bit of salt (optional). Let them brown in the butter; resist the temptation to stir them around too much so they can brown up nicely. Meanwhile, whip up some eggs and milk in a bowl. Once the asparagus is al-dente, pour in the egg mixture and turn down the heat. Sprinkle on some parmesan cheese (optional). Let the eggs cook, gently bringing in the edges to allow the raw egg to cook. Resist the temptation to stir the eggs too much, as this toughens them. In a couple of minutes your eggs-with-asparagus should be ready to eat! Enjoy…

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