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Servant of a Dark God on Deseret News Bookmarks. The article, well, it’s more of a notice, is open for comments.
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Please, Mr. Brown, I recommend you undress
Yesterday a man asked me to get naked.
It’s true, I can do that to some people. Not wanting to pass up any chance to go native, I agreed. Yes, I know what you’re thinking–these writers think they can bend all the rules! However, the man was a dermatologist. I was there to have this annoyance on my left ear checked. When he found out my sister had some skin cancer once (it appears I should have had my skin viewed annually), that’s when he became interested in my undressing. And in my glorious state of undress, well, with a “gown” that was about as big as a dish towel, he found this thing on my leg.
He’s like, “How long have you had that sore?”
I said, “That old thing, I don’t know, years.”
“Humm,” he said. He noted some odd moles that seemed to be of the happy and peaceful sort. Then he ordered a biopsy of my leg and my ear.
Don’t know the results of the leg yet. He suspects it’s not cancer, just some random mutant growth, which may be a result of the Lizard people that control our lives and which I learned about on book tour when I was at a Barnes & Noble in Arizona telling some folks my novel was about humans being ranched, and a glassy eyed dude sitting on a nearby chair stood up and said, “Your book is true! Your book is true!”
The biopsy of my ear demonstrated that I’m a squamous cell carcinoma head. I’m going to have a bit of Mohs micrographic surgery next Tuesday. He said we caught it very early. So I expect there to be no issues. In my mind it’s like finding a wart. True, this wart could spread. But it isn’t like they’re going to have to cut my ear off and replace it with that of a baboon.
Now, not only did I find Reptoid mutantcy yesterday, but I think the Reptoids have invaded the Logan, Utah police department. I say this because I went to the wrong hospital yesterday. I realized my mistake and zoomed off to the right one. There’s a hundred yard stretch along the road through fields. Lo and behold, after passing through that area, a short 4 seconds, I was pulled over by a cop who gave me a $240 speeding ticket for going 51 in a 30 mph zone. Does this not suggest to you some sort of conspiracy? To me it does. He’s obviously a Reptoid sympathizer.
Here’s more information for the curious.
Squamous cell carcinoma
http://www.aad.org/public/publications/pamphlets/sun_squamous.html
Mohs micrographic surgery
http://mohscollege.org/about/overview.php
Baboons
I think this clearly shows that what separates us from our primate cousins are brassieres and other articles of fine underwear. And as you can see here, they want them! Just another instance of sad human tyranny.
Look at this woman’s face. These are the kinds of people who they feature in horror movies. I think this must be part of casting. Put the actress in a car and see what she does with a troop of baboons. She sits and screams? Perfect. What, she taught them the meaning of roadkill? No, we don’t want anyone like that.
The Reptoids that Control our Lives and Prove My Book is True!
They live in the hollow part of the earth. Which is probably where the 10 Tribes of Israel went as well. And when they return we’ll have all sorts of lizard people high priests and prophets. Anything’s possible.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Icke (scroll down to “Reptilians and Shape-shifting”)
Holy Mackrel, My First Cover Illustration
And, Dude! Will ya look at this thing.
Read FROM THE CLAY OF HIS HEART at Orson Scott Card’s Intergalatic Medicine Show.
Read the story behind the story on Side-Show Freaks in the coming month.
Then read more about Scott Altmann, the marvelous illustrator.
Born on Long Island, New York, Scott was never far from a drawing tool and a surface to make a mark. The early years consisted of funny-looking beasts and asymmetrical faces. Years later Scott attended the School of Visual Arts in Manhattan and graduated from the Illustration Department with his BFA.
He enjoys sushi, cerebral spelunking, playing guitar and painting in oils. He draws to escape, and tries to escape to draw. All other times he can be found with his wife and son, in Long Island, New York — laughing uncontrollably and causing mischief.
Teachers (and writers)! Free Class Next Monday on How to Teach Narrative for the Common Core
If you feel a bit lost or anxious about how to teach narrative for the new core, especially stories, I think I can help.
I’m an educator in the private sector and an award-winning novelist and short story writer. I’ve been teaching authors in various venues how to write for the last five years. I’ve been on writing podcasts with thousands of listeners, taught at a number of writers conventions, and had a series of articles published by the national Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America organization, an organization for professional authors. I’ve also been helping Nellie, my wonderful wife, teach her 7th and 8th grade language arts students the unit on short stories during that same period. We’ve taught it to twenty different classes and picked up a number of important insights along the way.
This last year I couldn’t help but examine all the materials Nellie brought home during the district’s writing program adoption investigations. Some programs looked very promising; others not so much. Some got some things about writing flat out wrong. Most of the programs had gaps.
Furthermore, because I work with so many people wanting to write, I know that it’s difficult to teach if you really don’t understand what stories really are and how they work. For lots of people, the subject matter can seem impenetrable. And yet writing stories is such a wonderful way to teach writing, especially because so many kids love it. You won’t find a kid who will spend extra hours writing a business letter or poem analysis, but you will find quite a few who will go crazy writing stories. And the whole time they’re practicing their writing skills.
The question is how DO you write a story?
What is a story?
How can you tell if it’s good?
How do you come up with ideas?
Where do you start?
And what the heck is this chart? Do writers really use this? (Not many that I know.)
And does anyone think changing the diagram to look like Aspen, Colorado actually helps?
Hey, students—please make your story look like Aspen, Colorado! (Yeah, that’s going to be effective.)
And yet it’s not as difficult as it appears. Nellie and I have seen a lot of kids really get into writing stories. We’ve seen kids WILLINGLY going way beyond the assignment to write stories that are eight, twelve, twenty-five plus pages. And as they’re writing, they’re practicing grammar, spelling, structure, vocabulary, etc. without knowing it and having a great time. I know that if you enable your students, many of them will write, write, write. Especially in grade school. But also in the higher grades.
Stories can be a blast. The assignments can connect to many students. And the results can be wonderful. I’ve laughed out loud at some of the stories coming out of Nellie’s class. Others have been enjoyable on other levels.
But for this to work in your class, you need to know some key things. You need to understand the core of story and the story development process. You need a lesson plan that details everything step-by-step so your students don’t flounder. And you need to know some fundamental tips (secrets?) about teaching this content.
So I’m going to hold this day-long class for you. A full eight hours. And share everything Nellie and I have learned. This class will be for teachers at ALL levels (I’ll show you some ways to scale the complexity of what you’re doing). There will be NO cost. The only thing you have to bring is a pencil, paper, whatever program materials you have, and a willingness to have a good time.
When we finish, you will know how to write a simple story like the ones your students will write because, ta-dum, you will write one! AND you’ll have a step-by-step lesson plan that builds on whatever materials you have—an official program or one of your own. AND you’ll understand story better than 99% of the population. AND you’ll have a bundle of techniques to help your students. AND you’ll solve both world peace and maybe the lost sock conundrum.
Truly, I think that instead of feeling stress, you’ll actually be looking forward to teaching and writing stories with your students. If not, you may bring tomatoes and huck them at me, but please be aware that I will not stand still; to find satisfaction, you will have to be able to hit a moving target.
If you’re interested, just click the Contact John link under my photo in the left sidebar and send me an email letting me know.
Hope to see you in class!
GET READY FOR A FUN DAY OF LEARNING!
Topic: Teaching writing (narrative & the common core)
Who: Teachers (and writers at least 18 years old), seats are limited
When: Monday, July 29th, 8:15 AM – 5:00 PM
Where: Rich Middle School, 54 E 100 S Laketown, UT 84038
Materials you need to bring:
- Pencil
- Paper
- The writing program you’ll be using this year
- Kooky socks, for those who cannot resist the urge
- A lunch or a way to get one
AGENDA
8:15 AM Arrive
8:30 AM – 9:20 AM
- Can you create a redneck crapper?
- The 1st secret to teaching writing: Attributes & techniques
- The 5 parts of story
- Thieves prosper – using existing patterns
- A car, a beggar, and an idiot — basic pattern 1
9:30 AM – 10:20 AM
- The 2nd secret to teaching writing: Do it with them
- Technique: Sketch then draft
- Workshop 1: Zombies and kisses
- Technique: Zing hunting
- Workshop 2: Hunt zing
10:30 – 11:20
- What makes a story big or small
- Workshop 3: Select a right-sized THOM and character
- Workshop 4: Select a Goal
- Workshop 5: Make character sympathetic
- Workshop 6: 3 tries
- Workshop 7: Resolution
LUNCH
12:00 – 12:50
- The 3rd secret to teaching writing: Cognitive modeling and the 6-step process
- The 4th secret to teaching writing: Our tiny brains
- Writing is telling: Narrative & description
- Technique: Yes, SiR
- Technique: Broad-brush + 1
- Technique: The Pause
1:00 – 1:50
- The 5th secret to teaching writing: Have fun
- Workshop 8: Write your story
2:00 – 2:50
- How the pros revise—concept, line, & copy
- Workshop 9: Content edit
- The 6th secret to teaching writing: Our brains are still tiny
- Workshop 10: Line edit
3:00 – 3:50
- The 7th secret to teaching writing: The 3 grunts (responding to a story and grading)
- Share stories
- What the heck did we just do?
4:00 – 4:50
- How to adjust for grade level
- Common core
- Your program and lesson plan
- Identify black holes
- Wrap up & next steps
Boom–And I’m A Dean Koontz Fanboy!
So after finishing The Husband I wrote a letter to Dean Koontz. I never expected a reply. Today I got a package in the mail. I picked it up, thinking it was a book from Amazon. The sender was Mr. Dean Koontz. What? Dean Koontz?!I opened it up. There was a form letter folded in half over a book. The part I read said:
At certain times of the year, I’m able to answer readers’ letters with a line or two, more personally than I am able to do right now. Currently I’m so overwhelmed by book and film deadlines that I’m going to have to resort to this less than satisfying form response.
I’m all, cool, a form letter and a book! He then talks about how he reads virtually all his letters even though he gets over 10,000 a year. Then he says he’s included a FAQ and his Useless News newsletter which talks about his latest books etc. The last part of the letter I could see was:
I hope you’ll understand why this less personal reply is necessary for the time being. And I hope
So I thought, hey. The man sent me a book. Holy cow. Talk about your customer service. Then I actually cut away the plastic wrapping and unfolded the letter and saw, despite his busyness, he had indeed written a note.
John–thanks for your great letter and kind words. Most of my career, I’ve been told–subtly and less than subtly–that my world view is that of a minority that won’t long–or much longer–sustain a large audience. Worldwide sales now are past 400 million copies. I tremble, wondering when it will all end! Congratulations on the TOR sale! From me to you, a book close to my heart.
Merry Christmas!
Dean
Duuuuude! And it wasn’t some admin either. The last paragraph of the letter says:
For what it’s worth, the signature below is mine. I don’t use legions of monkeys trained to forge my name, in part because they don’t seem quite smart enough to learn what’s wanted of them; and although dolphins are no doubt smart enough, they don’t have hands.
The signature is in blue ink. The same hand as the note. By this time I was totally geeking out.
Dean Koontz. He’s like one of the top 10 most popular novelests in the world. I LOVE his stuff. Then I opened the book. He’d signed it.
To John–WOOF. Dean Koontz 12-18-09
At that moment I was in total fanboy heaven. And I don’t do fanboy or any of that other wussy stuff.
I sent my letter on December 14th. 2 days down. 2 or 3 days back. That means he read it almost the day he got it. What a class act. And I was expecting nothing. I only sent my original letter because I truly appreciated his books and had to let him know.
So I guess one of the next books I’ll be reading is his A Big Little Life: A Memoir of a Joyful Dog. I expect it will be great.
BTW, here’s the text of my letter.
Dear Mr. Koontz,
I just finished reading The Good Guy. Thank you. Loved the interaction between Tim and Linda. And the reveals of their back stories. Loved Mary and Pete. Loved the situation. Krait was interesting and horrible. But the thing that put me over the top was the ending. [SPOILERS DELETED] I finished and said, “Yes!”
Thanks for the thousands of hours you’ve put into writing that have allowed you to deliver these kinds of stories and characters who are interesting, funny, and, despite some flaws, deep down good. I appreciate your view of the world, a place where great evil can exist, but also people like Mary, Tim, and Pete.
Thanks for stories that entice me to be more. The Husband enticed me to be that kind of man for my wife. The Good Guy enticed me to be a man of courage. Odd Thomas, on the other hand, has inspired me to make heavenly light and fluffy pancakes. I know you’re not sermonizing, but that’s probably why the tales move me the way they do.
I’m a new author; my debut from Tor (an imprint of Macmillan) just came out this October. I’m working like a madman to learn the craft and produce. And it’s wonderful to be able to see someone like you at the top of his game, writing these kinds of stories and sharing these kinds of characters. I hope, when I get to the end of my career (big or small), that I will have been able to deliver suspense, laughs, and goodness as you have.
Sincerely,
John Brown
And now I hope I can not only be the kind of author that delivers stories like Koontz, but also one who isn’t one whit behind in graciousness with my readers.
A few years ago I was going on and on about a couple of authors whose work I love. It drove Nellie nuts. But she finally got over the eye-rolling stage. At least I thought she’d put it aside. However, on that Christmas she gave me a 4×6 inch piece of material that looks like a Persian rug with votive candles and the names of those favorite authors on little cards that had been folded in half, tent style. She thought that was the best joke ever. Yeah, until she caught me praying in the basement. (Actually, I never prayed, dang it! Why does it take me seven years to think up these comebacks?!)
Of course, when I rushed back up stairs after having opened today’s package, she sighed. “I guess this means I gotta make a card for Koontz now, doesn’t it.”
Oh, yeah. Votives for the man.
John and Larry do Phoenix this Thurs & Fri
Just a reminder. Larry and I will be in the Phoenix area this week on book tour. If you’re available, we’d love to see you Thursday night at the Poisoned Pen or earlier that day at the informal Barnes & Noble meet-n-greet!
Thursday,
November 19
3 pm – 5 pmMeet public, discuss book, signing. This is informal, just chatting in the cafe–Brown & Correia Mesa, AZ Barnes & Noble
Dana Park Village Square
1758 South Val Vista Drive
Mesa, AZ 85204
(480) 545-8507Thursday,
November 19
7 pm – 9 pmMeet public, discuss book, signing–Brown & Correia Scottsdale, AZ The Poisoned Pen
4014 N Goldwater Blvd. Suite 101
Scottsdale, AZ 85251
(480) 947-2974Bad Penny available on iTunes
Bad Penny’s iTunes saga has finally ended. You iTunes, iPhone, Apple lovers can find it here: Bad Penny – John D. Brown
