John’s Reviews – books, movies, whatever

  • “Like Diamond Tears From Emerald Eyes” by Eric James Stone

    Take a runty warrior and a slow-witted wizard who have been contracted by a veiled bride willing to pay diamonds to anyone who would fetch an oh so precious box from the castle of a dead wizard. A castle from which no adventurers have returned. Well, except for Thogar the Mighty. Of course, he’s now Thogar the One-Armed Madman. But let’s not quibble.

    At first blush you might think, whopee, another fantasy quest. But this isn’t another quest. This is an Eric James Stone quest, and it’s full of surprises.

    I was fortunate enough to hear Stone read his story at CONduit this May. He takes his listener on a ride full of humor and adventure. Then, if you’re like me, he will make your heart lurch. I loved this story down to the last line which is pure poetry.

    You can find it in issue 13 of Orson Card’s Intergalactic Medicine Show.

  • Last Word & Park City Peaks

    LastWordGameMy youngest’s birthday fell on Thanksgiving this year. We asked her what she wanted to do. She said she wanted to go to a hotel to swim and then play a game as a family, so Nellie and I went to work. Nellie got the game. I got the hotel. Both were great.

    The game was Last Word by Buffalo Games Inc. It’s fairly simple. There are subject cards with categories on them like “vegetables,” “breeds of dogs,” or “places you find water.”  Then there are letter cards. Each player gets a subject card.

    The round starts when someone flips over a letter card. If you can think of a word that starts with that letter in your category, you shout it out, slam your subject card down, and then everyone else tries to come up with words that start with that letter and fit the category.  Or you try to think of words in someone else’s category if they beat you to it.  There’s no order to it–you just shout out the words as they come to your head.  The last one to come up with a word before the timer buzzes wins that round. The twist that makes it so fun, however, is that the timer is random.

    You can play individually, in teams, or some mix (our youngest and I teamed up). Because of the random timer, anyone who can think up a word can play, which means our daughter who is eight could compete with the one that was seventeen.

    We had a great time. One of the funniest things about it is that everyone is desperately trying to come up with words. Some fit, some don’t. Some don’t even exist. For example, when we did the category “male names,” number 3 shouted out “Mancake.” We couldn’t stop laughing. I think that one is going to enter the family vocabulary.

    ParkCityPeaksHotelWe also had a great time at the Park City Peaks hotel. As far as rooms go, they were good rooms. The bed was a bit too soft for me, but perfect for my wife. We got them for $65 a night, which isn’t bad at all. But it was the pool that made the experience. 

    The pool is an actual pool, not the big bathtubs some newer hotels offer. For example, the deep end is six feet deep. But the cool thing is that half of it is indoors and half of it is out. And the outdoor portion is heated. There’s also a large heated hot tub outside as well. In the picture it’s the thing producing the long row of steam in the back.

    It helped that we didn’t have much snow so the place wasn’t crawling with skiers. In fact, we had the pool mostly to ourselves. So imagine: there we were on a November night in this alpine setting, the steam rising off the water, swimming and horsing around underneath the winter stars. It was marvelous. You can be sure we’re going back.

    BTW, we had Thanksgiving dinner at a restaurant. Let me recommend this to you. It makes the day a breeze. You can still have your homemade turkey dinner, but picking up the turkey  a few days after the holiday allows you to get them for cheap, cheap, cheap.

  • “Wally” by Aslyn

    My daughter was playing this song on her internet list. The tune and singer’s voice grabbed me. I downloaded it based on that. Then I really listened.

    Oh, man.

    I cannot tell you how much I love this song. I love the melody and phrasing, Aslyn’s voice. I love the lyrics. I love the true story behind them. Gracious Lord, this is what it’s all about.

    This youtube is of a live performance. She gives a great into to the song. She tells how her grandfather Wally, who was in the Coast Guard when he young, met his wife Fae. They were married for 55 years. Then Aslyn tells how she found Wally, a few days after Grandma Fae died, sitting in his rocking chair holding a black and white picture of his wife, his eyes wet with tears. Fae had written on the picture: “to sweetest boy I’ve ever known.” You gotta listen to that intro. Then you have to get the Lemon Love album version of the song. It’s 99 cents on Amazon.

    Here are the lyrics. I’ve added the little spoken part you get on the Lemon Love version that’s not in the live performance.

    “Wally”

    [Aslyn’s grandfather]

    Hello, I’m Wally. I’m the man that had the good fortune of one day of finding a companion that would live with me for more than 55 years. No man could have ever asked for a better wife, or better friend, than the one I found across the dance floor at the USO.

    [Song begins]  

    Dear Wally, I’m writing this letter sincerely.
    To tell you you’re the “sweetest boy I’ve ever known.”
    Remember that USO when we met.
    You almost didnt go.
    Well, me and your two sons are very glad you did.
    Cause when your eyes found me I could hardly breathe.
    I wanted you.
    Glad you wanted me.

    I never stopped falling in love with you, Wally.
    From the first day I saw you
    I was sailor-bound, I just knew.
    You had me, I was yours.
    We danced out on the floor.
    And with each passing day.
    I only loved you more.

    That night was pure magic.
    Who would have imagined.
    It would become 55 loving wonderful years.
    Your job was not all easy.
    Those last years I could hardly speak.
    But when I looked at you I knew nothing had changed.
    And when I was leaving.
    I could feel you hurting.
    But then I saw those angels and I knew your love would want this for me.

    I never stopped falling in love with you, Wally.
    From the first day I saw you
    I was sailor-bound, I just knew.
    You had me, I was yours.
    We danced out on the floor.
    And with each passing day.
    I only loved you more…more… more…more… more

    So while you’re waiting
    Know that I’m saying I love you
    I love you………

    I never stopped falling in love with you, Wally.
    From the first day I saw you
    I was sailor-bound, I just knew.
    You had me, I was yours.
    We danced out on the floor.
    And with each passing day.
    I only loved you

    You had me, I was yours.
    We danced out on the floor.
    And with each passing day.
    I only loved you more..

    Dear Wally…

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    Slush I Read by Jim C. Hines

    Laughs are lovely. I just came across this wonderful parody by novelist Jim C. Hines which will give you a few for free. Enjoy!

    Slush I Read
    by Jim C. Hines

    (Apologies to Seuss)

    I read slush.
    Slush I read.

    That slush I read.
    That slush I read!
    I do not like that slush I read.

    Do you like fanfic with vamps?

    I do not like them Mary Sue.
    Why do these vamps all worship you?

    Here’s a tale from D & D!

    I do not want your D & D.
    I do not like your elf PC.
    I can not stand your purple prose.
    I want to punch you in the nose!

    Would you like a hot sex scene?
    I wrote it for my online ‘zine!

    Go to Hines’ site and read the rest right now