“Like Diamond Tears From Emerald Eyes” by Eric James Stone

Take a runty warrior and a slow-witted wizard who have been contracted by a veiled bride willing to pay diamonds to anyone who would fetch an oh so precious box from the castle of a dead wizard. A castle from which no adventurers have returned. Well, except for Thogar the Mighty. Of course, he’s now Thogar the One-Armed Madman. But let’s not quibble.

At first blush you might think, whopee, another fantasy quest. But this isn’t another quest. This is an Eric James Stone quest, and it’s full of surprises.

I was fortunate enough to hear Stone read his story at CONduit this May. He takes his listener on a ride full of humor and adventure. Then, if you’re like me, he will make your heart lurch. I loved this story down to the last line which is pure poetry.

You can find it in issue 13 of Orson Card’s Intergalactic Medicine Show.

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  • Brown Family Christmas Fun — I Hope

    I like paintball.

    My wife and girls do not. Something about bruising and pain.

    We could get pantywaist nerf guns. We do have some PVC marshmellow shooters. But a man wants something with a bit more kick.

    I think I’ve found it. They’re called AirForce BlowGuns. Like PVC guns, you power them with your own breath. Unlike a lot of those guns, these seem to have some power.

    Watch the video here to see them in action: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/airforce-blowguns-toy-foam-dart-gun

    We just ordered six. I really, really hope this one funds.

    If you’re looking for some family fun on Christmas morning, maybe this is it.

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  • The Drowned Cities by Paolo Bacigalupi

    The Drowned Cities by Paolo BacigalupiI just finished The Drowned Cities by Paolo Bacigalupi, and, holy cow, folks—this story rocked.

    It’s set in the future in the area around Washington D.C. which is the titular drowned cities. They’re drowned because the climate has gotten warmer, the seas have risen, and D.C. is half under water, permananetly flooded. It’s more like Georgia or Florida—gators, kudzu, the works. But this is not another dumb book about global warming. If it were, I wouldn’t be writing this.

    No, the United States has fallen apart. Up north there’s some alliance with money and power and the ability to keep those in the Drowned Cities out. South, who knows? West? Don’t know. But right around D.C. everything has gone to hell.

    It’s like Mogadishu, Somalia in the 1990’s (Blackhawk Down) with warlords fighting each other, tearing the place apart.

    It’s like Sierra Leone at the end of that decade with different factions butchering locals and forcing kids to fight as soldiers.

    Except instead of the U.S. or Europe or the U-freaking-N sending in peacekeepers to stabilize the situation, it’s China. And just like the U.S. in Somalia, the warlords send the Chinese peacekeepers packing. And so now it’s just chaos.

    Talk about a setting for a story. But Bacigalupi doesn’t stop there. He adds in genetically modified creatures. He starts the book with one named Tool. A creature that’s got the DNA of humans, mastiffs, tigers, reptiles and who knows what else all combined to make him smarter and stronger than humans ever could be—a monster that’s the ultimate killer, the ultimate soldier, the ultimate war machine. One that was bred to submit to a master, but something went wrong with Tool. And he was able to break free of that bond.

    Tool is trying to escape prison and death. But as mighty as he is, he’s weak and injured. And then two kids from a village run into him while in the jungle. He knows they’re going to reveal his whereabouts to the warlord searching for him. In his weakened state, Tool is only able to grab the small boy named Mouse.

    Mahlia, the girl, promises to bring medicine if Tool will only spare the boy. He knows she’s lying.

    And so starts a rich tale of the monster, the boy, and the girl: a tale that is filled with friendship, triumph, loss, heroism, cowardice, and earthy sci-fi coolness all set in the midst of a guerilla war. The beginning sucks you in. The ending leaves you breathless. Along the way you get to see into the character of all three plus some of the bad guys. In the end you get a story about sacrifice and love.

    If you liked A Long Way Gone, Ishmael Beah’s memoir of his time as a child solider in Africa; if you liked The Hunger Games, and not primarily for the romance; if you like person in jeopardy fiction or war flicks where a small group has to fight for its life, I think you will love this book.

    This is the second book set in the same world. The first was Ship Breaker. Tool, one of the most interesting characters I’ve come across, is in that one too. But you don’t need to read that to enjoy this. And I wouldn’t put this read off to do so. Go give The Drowned Cities a try. Three or four pages in, I suspect you’ll be completely lost in the wondrous tale.

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  • Good Stuff! The Greatest Showman

    I saw the previews of The Greatest Showman, the movie about the circus guy. I rolled my eyes. The circus? Come on.

    But my daughters, one by one, went to see it and came home raving.

    And then my wife went to see it and came home raving.

    And then my youngest was playing some music the other night, and I said, “Ooh, that’s nice. Good beat. Wow. What is that?”

    She said with much affection, “The Greatest Showman, loser.”

    I said to myself, maybe the previews simply stank. I said, I’ve seen movies where the previews were better than the full-length film. Maybe this was the reverse.

    I said, to my fine daughter and wife, “How about a movie night?”

    They were more than game to see it a second time. So we went and saw The Greatest Showman this week.

    Here’s the report.

    Oh. My. Holy. Freaking. Heck!

    This movie is one of the best movies I’ve seen in the last few years. And get this: it was released more than eleven weeks ago, back in December of last year. How many movies do you know that stay in the theaters for eleven weeks straight? When a movie keeps attracting crowds week after week, long after the release night hype has faded, they say it “has legs.”

    Let me tell you, this one has some legs. The music is awesome. The visuals are wonderful. And the story—the story is everything a story should be. I came out of the theater having wept and cheered and bitten my nails and been thrilled with a number of the scenes. I came out of the theater happy, positive, thinking about life, thinking about what really matters.

    Look, if you enjoy musicals, if you enjoy dramas, if you enjoy Hugh Jackman of Wolverine fame, you must drop everything you’re doing right now and run to see this before it leaves the theaters. You’ll be so happy you did.

    And now, I’m going to figure out how I can go see it again.

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  • Good Stuff! McDonald’s? Really?

    McDonaldsCreateYourTasteI can’t remember the last time I emoted over hamburgers.

    Yeah, I’ve been to Smash Burger (way overpriced) and Five Guys (good) and Carl’s Jr. (no scantily clad women to be seen; talk about issues with truth in advertising), In-and-Out (what’s the appeal?), and a hundred other chains and non-chains. Burgers were burgers. Big whoop.

    Of all these, McDonald’s was way down at the bottom. I have never gotten excited about McDonald’s hamburgers. I worked for McDonald’s back in the early 1980’s, and the food wasn’t bad then, but the burgers have gotten progressively uninspiring as the company has turned to various methods of pre-cooking everything. To me McDonald’s has simply been the place you went for filler. Except for the Egg McMuffin, which I’ve always enjoyed.

    But last week my daughter wanted McDonald’s, and since I’m not a totalitarian despot, I took her there. We went to the one by the Layton Hills mall. Inside, to my surprise, I found three, tall touch screen kiosks. I thought, oh, neat, a way to cut the ordering queue. But it was more than that.

    McDonald’s has rolled out a new Make Your Own Burger offering that allows you to select the type of bun, cheese, and toppings you want with a quarter pound patty. And the toppings aren’t just the standard pickle, onion, and ketchup. Oh, no. There are three types of buns to choose from. Three or more types of cheese. You can get raw onions or grilled. Guacamole, sautéed mushrooms, two types of mayo, bacon, and more. The lettuce is a leaf, not some iceberg chop.

    So I selected the artisan bun, sharp white cheddar, sriracha mayo, ketchup, pickle, lettuce, tomato slice, grilled onions, and sautéed mushrooms.

    The results?

    I was shocked. The beef was juicy. The onions were perfect. The mushrooms, perfect. The sriracha mayo gave it the perfect little zing. Folks, it was so good that within the week, I went back for another in Logan. I have never gone back with any sort of anticipation for a chain burger, anywhere. And the second sandwich was just as good as the first. I am now an official McDonald’s make your own burger fan.

    If you’ve become bored with burgers, if you consider them last-resort filler, as I did, or if you’re just wanting to try something new, let me recommend you go to, yes, McDonald’s. You do need to be aware that not all stores offer this new option. So check to make sure the one you’re going to has it (in Logan, Utah you’ll only find it at the south McDonald’s), and then see if you don’t agree that McDonald’s hasn’t finally come out with a great new offering.

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  • Miss Potter, Downton Abbey, Human Planet

    Miss Potter, a true romance

    How many shows are good enough that you can walk into them partway through and within a minute become completely engrossed? I found two this week. The first is the 2006 film Miss Potter, which tells the story of Beatrix Potter (1866-1943), who is the best selling children’s author of all time. You might know her by the most famous of her 23 illustrated children’s stories: The Tale of Peter Rabbit.

    As a side note, Potter spent a lot of time at her family’s country home in the Lake District. I was lucky enough to be able to vacation there once, but never knew until I saw this film that the gorgeous landscapes that had been preserved were partially due to her donation of 4,000 acres.  

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    Downton Abbey, a period drama

    The second show is the BBC miniseries Downton Abbey.  Its first season of seven episodes aired last year in the USA on PBS’s Masterpiece Theater.  The second season will air at the beginning of 2012.  

    The series is set in the fictional Downton Abbey and follows the lives of the aristocratic Crawley family and their servants. The stories take place over the time period that starts with the sinking of the Titanic in April 1912 to the outbreak of the First World War on 4 August 1914.

    The main story line running through the episodes is the fact that the Crawley family must give up the estate to a distant relation because they have no male heir. But what I find so refreshing is that the stories of various servants are included. Some are funny. Some pull at your heart strings.

    So far I’ve met and enjoyed some truly delightful characters as well as a couple of villains. If you enjoyed the BBC’s Pride & Prejudice or the Cranford series, I think you’ll enjoy this.

    Human Planet, an amazing documentary

    These last two weeks I’ve watched with fascination the eight episodes of the BBC and Discovery documentary series Human Planet. One species on our planet has adapted to every environment on earth—that’s us. The series looks at a number of remarkable ways humans have adapted to the various habitats.

    You’ll see people from all over the globe who do things you never would imagine. Here’s just a small sample:

     

    • -Folks in Churchill, Manitoba Canada who trick or treat on Halloween with hungry polar bears stalking the streets
    • -A man in Papua New Guinea practicing the ancient art of shark calling in a small canoe
    • -Dolphins that help humans fish in Brazil
    • -A wild honeyguide bird working with Maasai boys to steal honey from wild African bees
    • -Mongolians using tamed golden eagles to hunt fox
    • -People in the eastern Amazon who love their pet monkeys so much they breastfeed them
    • -Inuit Canadians who risk death going under the arctic ice during low tide to gather mussels
    • -Three Dorobo in Kenya stealing food from a lion pride of more than twenty lions

     

    Oh, and how could I not mention the three children who hunt tarantulas in Venezuela, roasting them up as tasty treats that taste a little like crab. I could go on and on. There are sixty-three of these stories in all, grouped into eight episodes that each focus on a certain habitat, including deserts, the Arctic, jungles, mountains, grasslands, rivers, and cities. Each episode also includes a behind-the-scenes story about the filming of one of the episodes. And some of these are as thrilling as the stories themselves.

    In fact, that’s one of the things I love about this series. In addition to showing me fascinating things I’ve never seen, a number of the stories also raise the adrenaline just a bit. And yet, that’s not all. Because while presenting “strange” cultures, the stories humanize these folks so that instead of presenting aliens, these people feel more like fascinating distant relations. This is storytelling at its finest. If you like nature shows at all, you’ll be totally delighted with Human Planet.

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  • Flaming Gorge, Ticket to Ride, Thai Evergreen

    I want to tell you about a river that is emerald green, clear enough to see the rocks on the bottom sixteen feet below as well as the trout, and provides a wonderful family getaway. I’m talking about the Green River just below the Flaming Gorge dam in north-eastern Utah. 

    Yes, that picture’s of the Green River. Yes, it’s that beautiful and that clear in the calmer parts, of which there are many.

    We just ran the seven mile stretch that starts just below the dam and goes down to the Little Hole campground with our four girls (ages 6 – 15) and had a ball. During our trip we saw otters swimming  up the river not more than six feet from our raft, a herd of mountain sheep off the side of the road, fish and more fish, a snake a long as a man with a light silvery skin mottled with black rectangles, and two osprey (one that dove under the water to get a fish and a second flying about twelve feet over our raft with a fish in its clutches). We ran some class II rapids. This time of year they weren’t scary to me, but provided plenty of thrills and stress for the kids. The water was warm enough to swim in, but cold enough to give you a shock. And it was so CLEAR.  Of course, there were spots too deep to see the bottom. But there were plenty where you could see the river plants, rocks, and aquatic life. And all of it in that emerald hue.

    The girls were in the water inbetween every set of rapids. We packed a cooler and so stopped a number of times. Once to check out a waterfall, another time to snack, another to play on a sandbar, yet another to chase those otters, a bathroom break (outhouses provided by the park service), another time to swim.  

    The Flaming Gorge area features the beautiful landscape seen in Southern Utah–red rock, pines, junipers. People come from all over to run the river and fish. We didn’t fish this time, but there were plenty of anglers who had rented boats. Still, it didn’t feel crowded at all. There were long stretches where we had the gorge to ourselves. Next time I think I’m going to bring a book (in a waterproof ziplocok) and we’ll spend a little more time on one of our stops to sit and relax.

    Some tips:

    • Bring a cooler. You’ll want to put in along the river and enjoy the gorge. There’s no hurry to finish.
    • Bring good water shoes that have a sole with traction and netting to keep gravel out. (I got a pair at Wal-Mart that made the whole ride wonderful.) Also bring a hat and sunscreen. If you wear a cotten tee-shirt and quick drying shorts you’ll enjoy the ride even more.
    • We stayed at the Flaming Gorge Resort the night before our run. It’s been around a while and the condos showed it, but it wasn’t bad. The condos had a kitchen. And the restaurant had large servings of good food.
    • You might also want to bring a way to transport the raft inflated. We put ours on top of the minivan and had no problem taking it to and from the rental shop. However, I wished I had learned the trucker’s knot. The knots I tied cinched up into nasty snags that proved very difficult to untie.
    • Bring two vehicles or a bicycle. The businesses there charge close to $50 to shuttle your car the 9+ miles between the launch below the dam and Little Hole. That was outrageous to me. Next time we’ll bring a bike, lock it up by Little Hole, and have one of us bike back for the car. Or you can park half way inbetween at Dutch John after you’ve launched your raft and make the hour walk down. Of course, if you’re an early riser, the rental shop in Dutch John offers a $20 shuttle from Little Hole to the Dam, but only at 8:30 AM and 9:30 AM.

    *

    While in Provo this year for the Freedom Festival I purchased Ticket to Ride (European version). I wanted to do more than walk around or swim at the pool with the family. It was an excellent purchase and recommendation from the folks at Games People Play in the Orem mall. Of course, the kid at the store had played everything in the store and knew just where to steer us. It only took a few minutes to figure out how to play and everyone from the 6 year old to both Nellie and I had fun. It’s so fun we’ve played it a number of times since we got back.

    *

    Both Nellie and I learned to love Indonesian food during the years we spent in the Netherlands. Alas, not many Indonesian restaurants around. In search of something similar while living the in the San Francisco area, we found Thai food.

    Ah, that dream within a dream.

    And now we found yet another Thai restaurant in Utah with excellent food. So good my two oldest daughters get cravings to go back. The first is Thai Evergreen in Orem, Utah. It looks like a family owned operation and is. And their food is delicious. Four family’s went while at this year’s Freedom Festival, which meant we ordered quite a variety of food. Everything I tasted was delicious.

    The next is Kamin in Logan, UT. Again, wonderful. Nellie and I have eaten there a number of times and never leave unsatisfied.

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