You want your kids to succeed in school? There’s one thing you can do…

Did you know that there is one thing that kids can do outside of school that’s been proven, over and over, to lead to them doing significantly better in all other subjects?

And I mean all subjects. Math, history, science, criminology, psychology—you name it.

There’s one thing, and numerous research studies have proven it, that kids do that leads to them getting better jobs later in life.

This one thing, proven by research, leads them to grow up to make more money.

And it doesn’t matter if they start in a rich or poor family. This one thing leads them to greater opportunity. Over and over again.

It’s a thing that kids actually can learn to love. For some it becomes as delicious as eating ice cream.

The kids are back in school. Parents want them to do well. They want them to succeed. How wonderful that there’s one thing that parents can focus on that will so dramatically change their child’s life.

And it doesn’t take long. Even just twenty minutes per day of this activity can change everything.

Twenty minutes.

Is there a parent anywhere that can’t find twenty minutes?

So what is this one thing?

Reading for pleasure.

Notice I didn’t say reading for academic purposes. I didn’t say reading to finish homework. I said reading for pleasure. For the enjoyment it brings.

And it doesn’t matter what the subject matter is. It can be fiction—fantasy, love stories, horror, action. It can be non-fiction—like material on bugs, robots, horses, motocross. It can be fairy stories or funny anecdotes. It can be short or long. The key is that they’re reading for pleasure.

I know some of you might be saying, “But John, my kid doesn’t like to read.”

That’s okay. You can change that.

If you want to find out how to help your child learn to enjoy reading, let me recommend Raising Kids Who Read: What Parents and Teachers Can Do by Daniel T. Willingham, a professor at the University of Virginia whose research has focused on the brain and learning. In the book, Willingham debunks the myths about literary instruction and provides practical, engaging, research-based tips for sharing the joy of reading with kids of all ages.

You can get a used copy for $13 bucks on Amazon.

RaisingKidsWhoReadByWillingham

While you’re waiting for the book to come, here are some things you can do start doing right now to help your child read for pleasure.

First, start reading something fun or interesting with or to them every day. For little kids, this can be picture books. For older kids, this can be anything–an article from a magazine, funny stories online, or books large and small. If you want to start with a joke book, that’s okay. If you want to start by listening to a book on tape, that’s great too.

Wait a minute? A book on tape? Isn’t that cheating?

No.

There are four keys to helping your child read for pleasure. They need to learn to:

  1. Decode the sounds letters make.
  2. Comprehend what’s meant, which is driven by their general knowledge of the subject they’re reading about.
  3. Enjoy reading.
  4. Identify themselves as a person who likes to read books

When you listen to a book on tape, you’re doing numbers 2-4.

Remember: the goal is not to improve the child. It’s not to get them a better job ten years from now. It’s not to make them wealthy. It’s to simply help them enjoy reading. Because once they enjoy reading, once reading for pleasure is something they see as one of the things they do, they will begin to read more and more. And as they read, they become better at reading, which leads to more enjoyment, which leads to more reading. Which leads to all of those other awesome benefits. It’s a virtuous cycle.

So the first thing you need to do is simply start having a good time reading with them. You can read to them at bedtime, after dinner, on weekends. You can have them read articles to you while you’re making dinner or washing the dishes. You can have them read to your or themselves while you’re on the road driving somewhere.

You can make a rule that they have to read with you for twenty minutes before they go play with friends or watch TV or play video games.

And above all, you need to let your child’s interests drive most of the topics you read about. If they want to read about spiders and dinosaurs, then read about spiders and dinosaurs. If they want to read horror stories, then read horror. If they’re into skiing or horses or guns, then help them find interesting stuff on the topics they’re already interested in. And if they don’t like a book, teach them they can abandon it and go find another.

And if you yourself are not someone who reads for pleasure, well, now’s the time to start. You can make reading for pleasure something your family does, just like families make enjoying boating or hunting or riding horses or eating Mexican food part of what they do.

It’s never too late to start.

And seeing that this is the one thing that has such an impact on your child’s success, is there really anything else that would be a better use of those twenty minutes per day?

Reading for pleasure—who knew that having a great time could have so many wonderful effects? Start today. Don’t wait.

It might take a little work. You and your child might run into a few unpleasant spots. But that’s true of anything. How many times do kids fall when learning to water ski or snow ski? How many times do they experience something unpleasant when practicing football or basketball or volleyball?

So start right now. Figure out a time with your child. And begin learning to read for pleasure.

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  • “Wally” by Aslyn

    My daughter was playing this song on her internet list. The tune and singer’s voice grabbed me. I downloaded it based on that. Then I really listened.

    Oh, man.

    I cannot tell you how much I love this song. I love the melody and phrasing, Aslyn’s voice. I love the lyrics. I love the true story behind them. Gracious Lord, this is what it’s all about.

    This youtube is of a live performance. She gives a great into to the song. She tells how her grandfather Wally, who was in the Coast Guard when he young, met his wife Fae. They were married for 55 years. Then Aslyn tells how she found Wally, a few days after Grandma Fae died, sitting in his rocking chair holding a black and white picture of his wife, his eyes wet with tears. Fae had written on the picture: “to sweetest boy I’ve ever known.” You gotta listen to that intro. Then you have to get the Lemon Love album version of the song. It’s 99 cents on Amazon.

    Here are the lyrics. I’ve added the little spoken part you get on the Lemon Love version that’s not in the live performance.

    “Wally”

    [Aslyn’s grandfather]

    Hello, I’m Wally. I’m the man that had the good fortune of one day of finding a companion that would live with me for more than 55 years. No man could have ever asked for a better wife, or better friend, than the one I found across the dance floor at the USO.

    [Song begins]  

    Dear Wally, I’m writing this letter sincerely.
    To tell you you’re the “sweetest boy I’ve ever known.”
    Remember that USO when we met.
    You almost didnt go.
    Well, me and your two sons are very glad you did.
    Cause when your eyes found me I could hardly breathe.
    I wanted you.
    Glad you wanted me.

    I never stopped falling in love with you, Wally.
    From the first day I saw you
    I was sailor-bound, I just knew.
    You had me, I was yours.
    We danced out on the floor.
    And with each passing day.
    I only loved you more.

    That night was pure magic.
    Who would have imagined.
    It would become 55 loving wonderful years.
    Your job was not all easy.
    Those last years I could hardly speak.
    But when I looked at you I knew nothing had changed.
    And when I was leaving.
    I could feel you hurting.
    But then I saw those angels and I knew your love would want this for me.

    I never stopped falling in love with you, Wally.
    From the first day I saw you
    I was sailor-bound, I just knew.
    You had me, I was yours.
    We danced out on the floor.
    And with each passing day.
    I only loved you more…more… more…more… more

    So while you’re waiting
    Know that I’m saying I love you
    I love you………

    I never stopped falling in love with you, Wally.
    From the first day I saw you
    I was sailor-bound, I just knew.
    You had me, I was yours.
    We danced out on the floor.
    And with each passing day.
    I only loved you

    You had me, I was yours.
    We danced out on the floor.
    And with each passing day.
    I only loved you more..

    Dear Wally…

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  • Good Stuff! Simply Three

    The joy of music. Pure, unadulterated joy–this is what I recently stumbled across on YouTube.

    I was watching the The Piano Guys and thought I saw something new from them. I clicked, but it wasn’t The Piano Guys. It was Simply Three doing a cover version of the popular “Wake Me Up” by Avicii.

    For those unfamiliar with the term, a “cover” or “cover version” is a reworking, updating, or interpretation of an existing song. And this cover simply blew me away.

    SimplyThreeWakeMeUp

    Simply Three is an electrifying trio made up of cellist Zack Clark, bassist Nicholas Villalobos, and violinist Glen McDaniel, although they have switched in other violinists, including Alex Weill and Olivia Lemmelin. But don’t let the instruments fool you–this isn’t some stuffy classical music gig. And it’s not muzak in the elevator. Not even close.

    They are doing what Lindsey Stirling and The Piano Guys are doing: taking modern songs in wonderful new directions and, in the process, making these classical instruments cool again.

    I went on to watch a number of their other covers, and then I had to purchase the songs because I simply had to be able to listen to their great beats and interpretations on the road.

    Here’s their cover of “Wake Me Up.” The joy Zack Clark (the cellist) exhibits sells the whole thing for me.

    Here is their cover of “Demons” by Imagine Dragons.

    And finally their cover of “Counting Stars” by OneRepublic.

    If you like them, you can get each of these on Amazon for less than a buck with these links:

    Buying them not only supports the artists, but it lets them know there’s a demand for it and encourages them to make more. And I hope they make more.

    ***

    By the way, “Counting Stars” has some interesting lyrics. Ryan Tedder, the songwriter, is a professed Christian. He grew up in a Charismatic household and graduated from Oral Roberts University.

    However, you might look at some of the lyrics and think he’s given all that faith up.

    I feel something so right
    Doing the wrong thing
    I feel something so wrong
    Doing the right thing
    I could lie, could lie, could lie
    Everything that kills me makes me feel alive

    But you need to look at the lyrics in context of the rest of the song and the artist’s statements about the song to see he’s singing about something totally different.

    Some poets, and songwriters are poets (song is where poetry lives these days), think being obscure is cool. Tedder follows that more obscure approach in this song, which is unlike the immediate clarity he put into the lyrics of the fantastic “Halo,” performed by Beyonce, or his own OneRepublic’s “Apologize.”

    Sometimes the artist writing gnomic lyrics doesn’t want to pin down a message for the listener—they think it’s cool for each person to make up their own message (I prefer clarity). Other times they do have a message, but they want the listener to work for it, and so they try to be subtle. Or sometimes they simply goof and don’t realize their lyrics are being so vague.

    I have no idea which path Tedder was trying to take with these lyrics, but I do know that he’s made statements about the song. And these statements give us a guide.

    In an interview with 5280, the Denver magazine (Denver is where Tedder lives) we get the first glimpse.

    At 15, he began writing his own songs. “I obsessed over music and just loved it,” Tedder says. “But I never considered it as a career. Where I grew up you go to high school, you go to college, you find a wife in college, you get married, you have 2.3 kids, and if that hasn’t all happened by the time you’re 24, some people think there’s something wrong with you—or the assumption is that maybe you’re not into the opposite sex.”

    But he couldn’t keep away.

    Back in Oklahoma, at Oral Roberts University, the largest charismatic Christian university in the world, Tedder majored in public relations and advertising. At least that’s what his diploma says. Based on the time he put into sneaking into the Timko-Barton Performance Hall’s piano rooms, he probably could have been a double major. He spent hours on the piano and the guitar deconstructing his favorite albums—like Eric Clapton and B.B. King’s Riding with the King—figuring out the chords and then trying to write new songs using those same chords. He was skipping classes—even meals—to write songs.

    No one knew. Not friends. Not his roommate. He sang in secret. He was in the school choir, but his friends always thought it was odd that a person who didn’t seem overly musically inclined would be taking a singing class. When he was in one of the piano rooms he would tape a piece of notebook paper over the small window in the door so that no one could see him.

    Tedder says there were two reasons he hid his passion. The first was that he believed there were so many bad singers and bad songs in the world that he didn’t want to add to the noise. He wanted to be certain he would be successful before he revealed himself. The second reason was more deep-seated: Being raised in a religious home, Tedder had been taught that there was a purpose for his life, and that because God had ordained that purpose, he should live the life expected of him—one that was pious and humble. “Deciding you want to go into the music business is about the most narcissistic thing in the world,” Tedder says. “I had this constant battle—and to some degree I still do.”

    So Tedder felt “wrong” about songwriting. But he eventually began to see it as his gift to share.

    In an interview with Billboard magazine, we learn that he wants his OneRepublic to sing about different themes than the norm.

    Billboard: Given “Counting Stars”‘ uplifting, faith-based message, it must be gratifying to be connecting with such a meaningful song.

    Tedder: I think it’s our responsibility as a band, and what separates us from everyone else. I took that from being a fan of U2 for two decades now, since “Achtung Baby.” To this day, they might be the only band on that level who sings about things other than just boy-girl troubles or the kind of selfish, “I’m a badass” stuff. I’ve spoken with Bono about this when we toured with him, and he said the same thing. I felt a responsibility to actually write and sing about things that have a level of human gravity to them. If everybody else sings about sex and love and lust and money, then somebody’s gotta be singing about life and faith and hope and things of that nature.

    So if “Counting Stars” isn’t about sex, lust, and money, what’s it about?

    In another interview with Radio.com, he indicated that the whole counting stars bit was for anyone who loses sleep wondering how they’re going to be able to afford their rent or provide for their family. When he was first starting out, things were rough.

    “A lot of time I just lay in bed awake, stressing out,” Tedder said. “Everybody does it. And I just thought, I can’t wait until I’m counting stars and not counting dollars anymore. Things will be so much better.”

    To me, it’s clear that Tedder is singing about his story. And he’s singing for people like him who have a passion, but society says it’s not the practical thing to follow or dedicate your life to. Songwriting is what makes him feel alive. Furthermore, he had flashing signs indicating that if he sought, he would find—in other words, it was the thing God wanted him to do. And he just had to have hope, a four-letter word for those who are practical- and money-minded, and follow that passion.

    We can argue the merits of that follow-your-passion message, but I think we’re all happy Tedder followed his.

    ***

    And while we’re talking about the joy of music, how about this baritone saxophone and drum.

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  • Other Movies I Enjoyed: 2000 – 2009

    Other Movies I Enjoyed: 2000 – 2009

    Don’t have time to provide the logline and comments for each. But those with an * are movies I especially enjoyed.

    2009

    • Avatar: except for all the moments when I thought the characters were going to break out in Pocohantas songs–“haaave yooooou ever heard the wolf cryyyyyy to the bluuuuuue cooooorn mooooooon…”–I enjoyed it. When I came out I defintely wanted to be a blue dude.
    • Julie & Julia: funny, although did they really need to show the “coarse” Julia?
    • Monsters vs Aliens: I didn’t like the villain or the story, but BOB was hilarious and worth it.
    • Star Trek: Best Star Trek movie. Second is Wrath of Khan.
    • Up

    2008

    • Henry Poole is Here
    • *Iron Man: Wow, I’ve wanted to fly since forever.  This movie was just cool.
    • Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa: The penguins and King Julian.
    • *Slumdog Millionaire (RU)
    • Taken: great concept. Ending fell flat, but I love the concept
    • The Dark Knight: first 30 minutes all I could say was “I want to be Batman, I want to be Batman.” The Joker was amazing. However, something didn’t work for me in this movie. I thought there was only one heroic moment (the convict on the boat). I didn’t feel Batman’s dilemma in the end. The end was poetic, but I didn’t feel the drama. It was still a fun ride.

    2007

    • The Bourne Ultimatum
    • *The Jane Austen Book Club: this one should have been a runner up. I really liked this.

    2006

    • Cars: Mater
    • *Casino Royale (RU)
    • Firewall: a good Harrison Ford film, excellent villain and situation
    • Happy Feet: I thought it was going to be dumb, but I really liked it. The characters were great.
    • Invincible: the story of Vince Papale, a 30-year-old bartender from South Philadelphia who overcame long odds to play for the NFL’s Philadelphia Eagles in 1976.
    • The Devil Wears Prada
    • The Lake House
    • The Pursuit of Happyness

    2005

    • Batman Begins
    • Cinderella Man
    • Coach Carter: Loved the story and Samuel Jackon’s character
    • Hitch
    • *Hoodwinked: really loved the humor
    • Madagascar: Hate the lion and the story but the penguins and King Julian are hilarious. I laugh every time.
    • Serenity
    • *Sky High: fun with Kurt Russell and Bruce Campbell
    • *Walk The Line (RU)

    2004

    • *Collateral: A cab driver finds himself the hostage of an engaging contract killer as he makes his rounds from hit to hit during one night in LA. He must find a way to save both himself and one last victim.
    • Ella Enchanted: goofy, but a lot of fun to watch with my girls
    • I, Robot
    • *Miracle: I hate hockey, but I liked this
    • Napoleon Dynamite: was in shock until Pedro shaved his head, then I couldn’t stop laughing.
    • *Spiderman 2 (#5)
    • The Bourne Supremacy
    • *The Incredibles (#2)
    • The Village: watched it with inlaws and it scared them for days–totally worth it

    2003

    • Elf: syrup
    • Holes: we loved the book and the movie did it justice
    • *Last Samurai (#7)
    • *Luther (RU)
    • *Matchstick Men (RU)
    • *Open Range: best cowboy movie in a looong time–I just love Duvall
    • *Pirates of the Carribean: Curse of the Black Pearl (#9)
    • *Return of the King (#1)
    • Runaway Jury
    • *Saints and Soldiers
    • *Seabiscuit (RU)
    • Secondhand Lions
    • The Italian Job: Yes, I cheered for criminals

    2002

    • About a Boy
    • Drumline
    • *Ice Age (#3)
    • Minority Report
    • Reign of Fire: best dragon movie to come along in a long time
    • Snow Dogs: goofy fun, enjoyable to watch with the kids
    • *The Bourne Identity: really liked the suspense and action
    • The Sum of All Fears
    • *The Two Towers (#1)
    • Treasure Planet: I didn’t think it could work, but it did. Enjoyed the relationship between Jim and Silver
    • Two Week’s Notice: a good romance
    • *We Were Soliders (#6)

    2001

    • *A Beautiful Mind (#10)
    • Behind Enemy Lines
    • Legally Blonde: you didn’t like Witherspoon? Come on, tell the truth.
    • *Lord of the Rings (#1)
    • Monsters Inc
    • Oceans Eleven
    • Recess: School’s Out: I loved watching these on Saturday morning with the kids. The movie was just as good.
    • The Princess Diaries

    2000

    • 28 Days
    • *Cast Away
    • Chicken Run: “Mrs Tweedy, the chickens are revolting…”
    • *Emperor’s New Groove (#4)
    • *Gladiator (#8)
    • *Miss Congeniality: this was excellent fun to watch with the wife
    • O Brother, Where Art Thou?: loved the soundtrack, characters, and story. Hated the abundant profanity
    • Space Cowboys
    • The Perfect Storm
    • The  Kid: Bruce Willis and the kid are great
    • *Unbreakable: really liked this one, great superhero movie
    • X-Men: didn’t like it as much as others, but it rocks for pure super-hero power
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  • Good Stuff! Mr. Holmes and 13 Hours, the book

    Earlier this month I watched Mr. Holmes.

    Mr._Holmes_poster

    It left me with this fine peace. With this feeling of goodness and light, in spite of, or probably because of, a number of poignant moments. It also surprised me.

    To write a story like this, to give people this kind of gift…

    What a wonderful, powerful thing.

    Now, it was not a thriller. It’s not an episode of Sherlock or Elementary. It’s not a murder mystery. It reminds me of Saving Mr. Banks most, but also of Miss Potter, maybe even The King’s English. It has that kind of tempo.

    Basically, Sherlock Holmes is a much older man. He’s retired. And there’s a case he’s trying to solve. But, again, this isn’t a murder mystery. This story is about Sherlock himself and wisdom and the beauty of change whenever it occurs.

    The story lingered with me, and I avoided reading or watching anything else for a few days to savor it. Give yourselves a treat. Watch this wonderful story.

    *

    The book 13 Hours: The Inside Account of What Really Happened in Benghazi was the answer to so many questions.

    13_Hours_ZuckhoffWant really happened in Benghazi?

    What we’re we doing there?

    Who are the brave men who tried to save the ambassador?

    It was also a thrilling read in the tradition of Marcus Luttrell’s Lone Survivor. As such, it purposely avoids the political aspect of the incident. It’s not about what the officials of the United States government did, said, or knew, or the political firestorm that ensued.

    It’s not a hit piece on Clinton and Obama, nor is it any kind of defense. Instead it simply documents the events on the ground in those last 13 hours, relying most heavily on what the five American security contractors who rushed to give aid said happened. Those men–two former Marines, two former SEALs, and a former Army Ranger—teamed up with Mitchell Zuckoff, the writer, to simply set the record straight.

    I couldn’t put the book down. Not only because the book’s well-written and the characters and situation are compelling, but also because of the insight it shared into some key dynamics within Libya itself. For example, it helps you understand why the revolt against Muammar Gaddafi centered in Benghazi, not Tripoli. It also touches on some of the currents inside these Muslim-majority countries close to the epicenter of Sunni extremism—Egypt and Saudi Arabia–so volatile. And it shares details, large and small, as only those who experience such things first hand can.

    If you want a fascinating account of really happened on the ground in Benghazi, get this book.

     

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  • Good Stuff! Atomic Habits, Let Me Finish, a Political Taxonomy

    Habits are one of the most powerful forces in our lives. If we could consciously harness them, there’s no telling what we can do.

    The problem is that we keep going about it all wrong.

    We keep trying to motivate ourselves into behavior change. Sometimes motivation works, but motivation is fickle. And more often than not it leaves us hanging just when we need it the most.

    So are we doomed?

    No.

    Because motivation is just one of four parts of creating habits. And it’s not even the most important one.

    What are these other parts? How do you harness them?

    Well, that’s the subject of Atomic Habits by James Clear.

    And one of the neat things is that Clear reveals that tiny changes can lead to remarkable results. No Herculean efforts. No getting yourself amped up. Something else that’s much easier to do and much more effective.

    The book’s been a New York Times bestseller.

    An Amazon bestseller.

    It’s been on the USA Today bestseller list for twenty-two weeks.

    If you want to build some good habits, if you want to stop some bad ones, if you want to make any behavior in yourself or others more likely, let me recommend you find out what Clear has discovered in his research and give it a try. I think you’ll be happy you did.

    *

    Chris Christie, the two-term governor of New Jersey, is an interesting figure.

    He was a federal prosecutor who cleaned up a ton of government corruption in New Jersey.

    And then he became governor. He might have come and gone like hundreds of governors, but a video went viral, showing his direct, in-your-face politics.

    Many begged him to run in the 2012 presidential election, including a whole bunch of billionaires.

    He turned them down. Said he wasn’t ready. You’ve got to admire someone who does that.

    Then he did run in the 2016 election, but failed to get the attention and votes he might have because Trump was sucking all the media out of the room. And that might have ended it. But Christie dropped out of the race and was the first to endorse Trump, who’d been a long-time friend.

    Trump almost picked him for vice president. The choice ended up being between Christie and Pence. Ultimately, he chose Pence and asked Christie to create the transition plan.

    Christie spent six months with a whole team of people creating that plan. It was a plan that would have helped Trump avoid so many disasters in appointments and policy during his first two hundred days. But when it was finished, the Trump team decided to throw it away.

    Why? What was going on?

    Christie is unlike Trump in many, many ways. Why would he support him?

    Christie reveals all and much more in Let Me Finish: Trump, the Kushners, Bannon, New Jersey, and the Power of In-Your-Face Politics.

    In the book he sets the record straight about his tenure as a corruption-fighting prosecutor and a Republican running a Democratic state, as well as what really happened on the 2016 campaign trail and inside Trump Tower. It’s a fascinating book that gives insights into the Trump team, Trump himself, and Christ Christie who I think would have made a terrific president.

    If you’re interested in politics, larger-than-life figures, and a view from the inside, I think you’ll love this book.

    *

    In less than three minutes, you can amaze your friends, cut through a lot of political blather, and clearly assess what’s being proposed over the next eighteen months as the presidential campaign heats up.

    How?

    By understanding the simple taxonomy below. 

    Every day folks in the media make accusations and claims about socialism, Sweden, Venezuela, capitalism, and the United States. Unfortunately, a lot of the time it’s clear they’re a bit muddled. So let’s cut through the confusion.  

    Whether you’re an independent, Democrat, or Republican, you’ll want to know these three terms.

    SOCIALISM

    The state owns and directs huge portions of the economy. The government in these schemes is the old-fashioned Soviet, Mao, and Nazi style dictatorships.

    These types of socialists did so much good in the 20th century. No other scheme was better at piling up dead bodies. Millions and millions of them.  

    An interesting tidbit. Did you know that “Nazi” is the abbreviation in German of “Nationalsozialistische”? That word means “National Socialist”. It comes from the name of Hitler’s political party, the “National Socialist German Workers’ Party” or “Nationalsozialistische der Deutsche Arbeiters Partei.”

    Nobody running for president today is advocating for this type of government.

    DEMOCRATIC SOCIALISM

    The state owns and directs huge portions of the economy. The government in these schemes is supposed to be democratic, which means you should be able to vote the bums out and put other bums in. Venezuela supposedly uses this model, although some wonder if it is a true democracy or a sham one.

    For those who like socialism, this is supposed to be the good way of doing it as opposed to the bad way of the old fashioned authoritarians. I will let you determine whether the “good” scheme actually leads to any better economic outcomes than the “bad” one.

    SOCIAL DEMOCRACY

    You rely on lots and lots and lots of capitalism (private ownership and direction of companies in a free market) to fund government social programs. The funding is done via high tax rates. You have elections and can vote the bums out and put other bums in. This is Sweden.

    A lot of people in the current presidential race are advocating for this type of government. Although, if they say that any system that allows billionaires to exist is immoral, you will need to scrutinize that candidate carefully because Sweden’s system allows billionaires. It may be that candidate actually wants some form of democratic socialism.

    One last point. If you think about it, the United States and Sweden are similar types of governments. They’re on the same continuum. The difference is that the United States is simply much less of a welfare state than Sweden is.

    There you have it. Three terms you are going to hear a million times over the next eighteen months.

    Amaze your friends by actually knowing what they mean.

    Be proud of your knowledge.

    And use it to carefully consider the candidates.

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  • Good Stuff: Books Worth Multiple Readings Part 2

    What’s your typical response when someone shares a frustration, problem, or issue with you? Or when they state an opinion or desire you disagree with?

    Sometimes we get impatient, exasperated, or annoyed with them and simply don’t want to hear it.

    Sometimes we get mad. Or defensive. And want to line them out.

    Sometimes, however, we want to help.

    And wouldn’t you know it, but we sometimes cause as many problems with that last reaction as the first two.

    How can this be?

    Your teenage daughter comes home and expresses disappointment about something that happened at school, and you want to help. How in the world could that be wrong?

    Your spouse shares a frustration about something that happened with a friend, and you don’t want him or her to be sad. This is a bad thing?

    Your coworker expresses annoyance with a program management is trying to implement, and you know exactly what will fix the problem and want to share it. This is going to cause problems?

    In their fabulous book, I Don’t Have to Make Everything All Better: Six Practical Principles that Empower Others to Solve Their Own Problems While Enriching Your Relationships, Gary and Joy Lundberg show two different ways of acting on the desire to help others that have dramatically different results. If we try to help using the first method, we actually create more issues. We will make the person less willing to talk to us, introduce strain into the relationship, and create a lot of stress for ourselves. On the other hand, if we try to help using the second method, we’ll find the person more willing to talk. There will be more friendliness in the relationship. And our own stress will go way down. Furthermore, we’ll end up helping the person far more than we ever could with the first method.

    Gary is a licensed marriage and family therapist. His wife Joy is a writer and lyricist, and they have held marriage retreats, firesides, and seminars throughout the country. And the six principles they share in the book for using the second method all revolve around accepting this one statement: “I do not have the power to make anything all better for anyone else. I can offer my help, but I cannot make it all better.”

    Accepting this view has a dramatic impact on how we approach helping others.

    So when the teenage daughter comes in and expresses disappointment, instead of trying get her to buck up or tell her she just needs to do xyz with her friends, or do 123 in sports practice, we listen, validate her emotions, leave the responsibility for the problem where it belongs—with her!—and then, when it’s all out, offer to help in a way that empowers her, not have us take over.

    When the spouse shares frustration, it’s the same. When the coworker expresses annoyance, the same. When someone comes in to complain to us, it’s the same.

    What the Lungbergs do in this book is show exactly what this looks like with tons and tons of examples. They even have a whole chapter (a short one) which gives a list of validating phrases and questions. The first six chapters of the book explain the principles. The last eight each apply them to a different group: young children, teenagers, adult children, spouses, parents and parents-in-law, friends, and coworkers.

    Folks, this book is a gem. It’s loaded with wisdom and insight. Every time I practice what’s in here, my interactions go better. This stuff produces immediate results. I just wished I’d studied and practiced it more. But it’s never too late. And that’s why I’m rereading it now.

    And why I wanted to share it here. If you want to improve your interactions with others and enrich your relationships, do yourself a favor and immediately go get this book.

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