Monster Hunter International by Larry Correia

MonsterHunterInternational_LarryCorreiaThere’s a joke that all horror movies would be over in two minutes if you just made the hero smart and gave him a gun.

Well, Correia gives his likeable hero a gun, but not just any old thing. If you’re going to kill a vampire, why not use a rocket propelled grenade or a flame thrower? In fact, if there were enough monster outbreaks, you might have a government agency. You might also find that agency was willing to outsource some of the monster hunting to private contractors (ala Blackwater). And you can bet they won’t be hunting with pea shooters. They’ll be doing it right, with brains and firepower. Correia, someone who loves guns (used to own a gun shop and shoot competitively in rifle, shotgun, and pistol) and monsters, wrote a story that does just that.

The idea of Larry Correia’s Monster Hunter International might remind you a bit of X-Files or Men in Black, but it’s neither. However, it is as  good as or better than both. Correia tells the story of Owen Pitt, a big lug of an accountant, who, as he was working late one evening, gets called into the office of his boss. No big deal, right? Except the fat man is naked, transforming into a werewolf, and vows to eat Pitt’s heart. It’s not quite how you want to end your day tallying debits and credits. Pitt almost dies in the encounter, but manages to “live the American dream” and throw his incompetent jerk of a boss from the fourteenth-story window and splatter him on a double-parked Lincoln Navigator below.

Good work for a bean counter. When Pitt finally recovers, he gets an offer he can’t refuse (mostly because of the alluring agent that comes to recruit him), and he joins Monster Hunter International (MHI), the private contractor who sends out special force teams to use any means at their disposal to kill monsters. Unlucikly for Pitt, one of the baddest monsters around is just about to ruin the world forever, and Pitt finds himself in the middle of the fight.

Correia fills the book with enough action for any red-blooded male, a variety of bad mamba jamba monsters, and wonderful characters. There’s romance and heroism (I got a lump in my throat at one part toward the end), but his signature is his humor. I laughed again and again.

Part of that humor stems from the fact that Correia has an ear for good lines. Part stems from his delight in taking common tropes and stereotypes and twisting them. And this is another one of the things that I enjoyed immensely about the book. For example, the team of newbie hunters that Pitt joins is not made up of square-jawed males and females with Navy SEAL backgrounds, although some in the company do have that. Nope, Correia puts together an accountant, librarian, school teacher, and stripper (all people who faced some kind of monster and are ready for payback), and he makes them believable hunters. 

This tongue-in-cheek tweaking is everywhere. There are elves in this book unlike any you have ever seen. But he also makes it personal. Owen is not your typical accountant. Even a number of the minor characters get this treatment. For example, one of the people on the team is a Black guy with Rasta hair. But Correia doesn’t choose from what Correia calls one of the four Hollywood stereotypes. Nope, this guy plays against those types. He isn’t the comic relief, the gangsta, the sports dude, or scary male. He’s his own man, a shy virgin with a good heart. Correia also gives his characters interesting backstories. And one of the delights is discovering them.

I encountered a few minor flaws in the presentation, but these are easily overlooked. Easily. There’s also quite a bit of profanity (and so those who wish to avoid it are forewarned). However, when I turned the last page Friday night, I looked up at Larry who was lying on his bed in our La Quinta hotel room in Denver, his concealed .45 and 9mm guns on the floor beside him, and said, “Wow. WOW.” And then I think I said, “Dude, what a marvelous read” or maybe it was “Oh, great lord of zombie destruction tales do not smite me,” but I’m not sure because I was still thinking about the perfect last line of the perfect last scene of the last chapter.

Now, those exclamations of satisfaction and delight had nothing to do with the guns on the floor, that Larry’s a deadly shot, or that he’s a big 6’3″ Portugese. It has nothing to do with the fact that he and I were on a book tour together. I don’t read books that don’t grab me. End of story. I stopped doing that long ago. I don’t care who wrote them. And I don’t give false praise. False praise irks me to no end and does nobody any good, especially not the receiver. The truth is that Larry’s book was simply too good to put down. It pulled me in with the opening quote and kept delivering the goods until the end. And if you don’t believe me, you read the quote that both inspiried and opens the book and tell me you don’t want to turn the next page.

“You know what the difference between me and you really is? You look out there and see a horde of evil, brain-eating zombines. I look out there and see a target-rich environment.” ~Dillis D. Freeman Jr.

Yeah, it got ya, didn’t it. The ride is waiting folks. Just go on over to Amazon. Correia is going to be a writer to watch.

Gelukkig Sinterklaas!

I’ve got about 20 folks in The Netherlands and Belgium who visit this site regularly. I just wanted to say I hope you wonderful kaaskops and frites find your shoes full of good gifts this Sunday! 

For those who don’t know, folks in the low lands celebrate Sinterklaas on the 6th of December and Sinterklaasavond (Saint Nicholas eve) the night before.  The name is a contraction of Sint (Saint) Niklaas (Nicholas). Yes, the real Santa. In America we give gifts on Christmas. But the Dutch and Belgians do gift giving on Sinterklaas. Christmas is a more religious celebration.

However, Nellie and I figure we can catch Santa coming at the first of the month AND going at the end (no need to miss any opportunity for presents), so, of course, we will be putting our shoes by the door Saturday night. Hopelijk zal Sinterklaas niet stilletjes ons huisje voorbij rijden.

The Husband by Dean Koontz

TheHusband_DeanKoontzYou’re name is Mitch Rafferty. You’re a gardener. You have no past as a cop, spy, or Navy SEAL–you’re just a plain old petunias and begonias guy. You’re working in someone’s yard when you get a call on your cell phone. You answer. And the guy on the other end has your wife.

He tells you that you will get him two million dollars or you’ll never see her again.

You’re lost. This has to be a sick prank. You’re just a gardener. You know peat moss and mulch. You don’t have two million. Heck, you have, at the most, $11,000 in the bank. You tell him this. He tells you he knows.

Then your wife screams over the phone. The wife who you love, who makes  you whole. They let her talk. It’s not just one man. And then, just to show you that they’re serious, they kill a complete stranger who is walking a dog across the road. They shoot him in the head. You know they’re watching you. You look around and can’t see where the sniper is hiding.

You’re a gardener. They have your wife. If you go to the cops, they kill her. If you don’t deliver, they kill her. What do you do?

That’s the premise of Dean Koontz’s The Husband. I listened to this on audio book, read by Holter Graham, and, folks, I don’t think a book has gripped me like this in a very long time. And that despite some quirks in the reader’s presentation. I’m coming to respect Koontz as a writer more and more. I can’t recommend this book highly enough. Go get it. Read it. Do it before they make the movie.

Yo, John and Larry do Colorado this Saturday!

Larry and I will be in Lone Tree (South Denver) and Loveland Saturday, December 5th. Drop by and say hello, buy one of our books as a gift, or just show up with your Klingon outfit and gun.

John Brown events at Barnes & Noble

Saturday,
December 5
1 pm – 3 pm
Meet public, discuss book, signing–Brown & Correia Loveland, CO Barnes & Noble
The Promenade Shops at Centerra
5835 Sky Pond Drive
Loveland, CO 80537
(970) 663-9473
Saturday,
December 5
5 pm – 7 pm
Meet public, discuss book, signing–Brown & Correia Denver (Lone Tree), CO  Barnes & Noble
Barnes & Noble Booksellers
8374 South Willow Street
Lone Tree, CO   80124
(303) 706-9660

“Like Diamond Tears From Emerald Eyes” by Eric James Stone

Take a runty warrior and a slow-witted wizard who have been contracted by a veiled bride willing to pay diamonds to anyone who would fetch an oh so precious box from the castle of a dead wizard. A castle from which no adventurers have returned. Well, except for Thogar the Mighty. Of course, he’s now Thogar the One-Armed Madman. But let’s not quibble.

At first blush you might think, whopee, another fantasy quest. But this isn’t another quest. This is an Eric James Stone quest, and it’s full of surprises.

I was fortunate enough to hear Stone read his story at CONduit this May. He takes his listener on a ride full of humor and adventure. Then, if you’re like me, he will make your heart lurch. I loved this story down to the last line which is pure poetry.

You can find it in issue 13 of Orson Card’s Intergalactic Medicine Show.