Good Stuff! 3 Remakes That Will Go Down Into Your Bones

ByJohn Brown

Sometimes a remake of a song is better than the original. Or if not better, different and equally as good. I have three that I think fit that bill.

First is a mix of “The House of the Rising Sun” by The Animals and “Amazing Grace.” It was sung by Jerry Lawson and the Talk of the Town on NBC’s The Sing-Off, which used to be one of the best music competitions on TV. It was all voice, all a’capella, and the things some of the groups did were simply amazing. But then NBC decided to shorten it all into a one-night competition and basically ruined it by removing the multi-week build of the competition and, more importantly, letting us get to know the groups and hearing a range of songs. Oh, well. At least we got this. Turn up your speakers and let it fill you.

You can get the single here on Amazon.

The next is a remake of “Go Down, Moses” by The Lower Lights, who have taken this old choral and infused it with a new folk, soul, revival-style groove that makes me think this is probably how the song was originally sung.

Every time I hear it, it goes down into my bones and calls forth this desire to sing. You can get it here on Amazon.

The last is a remake of “Glorious” by Stephanie Mabey. This one was part of Meet the Mormons and sung by David Archuleta.

You can get the exclusive free download of the single here.

 

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  • My Most Favorite Movies of the Decade: 2000 – 2009

    ByJohn Brown

    I was bummed after seeing Clash of the Titans because the movie just didn’t work for me (although Medusa was cool). It was a total thumbs down. After expressing my disappointment, my wife said it seemed I never liked any movie we saw in a theater. To defend myself against this heinous accusation I shall list all my favorite movies of the last decade.  My only question is: where are all the love stories? I haven’t seen a great love story since Sabrina and Far and Away.

    Of course, I haven’t had time to see all the movies made in the last ten years. So if you have some favorites not listed here, post them.

    Top 10 Movies: 2000 – 2009

    10. A Beautiful Mind (2001, PG-13)

    John Forbes Nash, a mathematician, thinks he’s broken the code for a terrible Soviet conspiracy plot, but the real truth turns his world upside down. It’s full of mystery, suspense, and love.  Russell Crowe gives a brilliant performance as Nash. Furthermore, the film is based on the the true story of John Forbes Nash, Jr., a Nobel Laureate in Economics.

    9. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003, PG-13)

    Swashbuckling adventure, a curse, and lots of humor. Probably the best pirate movie ever made. The next two movies fell flat for me, but this one was simply amazing.

    8. Gladiator (2000, R)

    Another Russell Crowe film. A corrupt prince betrays a Roman general and murders his family. They general is captured and made a slave to fight as a Gladiator. I was so drawn into the story that at one point in the movie theater I had to restrain myself from shouting out at a suspenseful moment.

    7. The Last Samurai (2003, R)

    Nathan Algren, a former US soldier in America’s west, drowns his regrets in alcohol. He becomes a military advisor in Japan, but is captured by the enemy. He learns from the enemy samurai, but does he become a new, better man? This one has Tom Cruise in it. I enjoyed it immensely.

    6. We Were Soldiers (2002, R)

    From the IMDB: “In a place soon to be known as The Valley of Death, in a small clearing called landing zone X-Ray, Lt. Colonel Hal Moore and 400 young fathers, husbands, brothers, and sons, all troopers from an elite American combat division, were surrounded by 2,000 North Vietnamese soldiers. The ensuing battle was one of the most savage in U.S. history. We Were Soldiers Once And Young is a tribute to the nobility of those men under fire, their common acts of uncommon valor, and their loyalty to and love for one another. The story of the first major battle of the American phase of the Vietnam War and the soldiers on both sides that fought it.” This is an incredible story. Mel Gibson and the others give an outstanding performance. I wept at their courage.

    5. Spiderman-2 (2004, PG-13)

    The first Spiderman stank. Sorry. It stank because the villain was too cartoonish. The third one stank as well. This one, however, oh baby. Peter Parker’s personal life is falling apart, he’s losing the one thing in life that would make him happy (yes, a girl). Furthermore, he begins to lose his powers just as he has to battle a brilliant scientist named Doctor Otto Octavius, who becomes Doctor Octopus (aka Doc Ock), after an accident causes him to bond psychically with mechanical tentacles that do his bidding. Loved this. Drama, gosh wow super-heroism, and a heart.

    4. Ice Age (2002, G)

    Another hilarious animated tale with heart. Set during the Ice Age, a saber tooth tiger, a sloth, and a wooly mammoth find a lost human infant and try to return him to his tribe. Of course, the saber tooth tiger was sent to lead the others into a trap. Sid the sloth is one of the best characters to come along in a long time. You’ll love this show. Again, another show I can watch over and over again.

    3. The Emperor’s New Groove (2000, G)

    I saw the previews to this and thought D-U-M-B. But it is one of the best films ever. Animated. Hilarious. Emperor Kuzco’s ex-administrator Yzma wants to kill him and rule. She turns him into a llama instead, and her not too bright side-kick doesn’t quite finish him off. Now the selfish emperor is on the run and needs to regain his throne. But the only person who can help him is the guy whose home he’s going to bulldoze. But that doesn’t capture the half of it. The characters are wonderful. Me and the kids watch this three or four times a year and still don’t tire of it.

    2. The Incredibles (2004, PG)

    A family of undercover superheroes tries to live a normal suburban life but is forced into action to save the world. This is Pixar’s best film. Every one of these characters is interesting. The family dynamics are real and often hilarious. There’s suspense, drama, and gosh-wow. Imagine James Bond as a family man. I LOVE this movie.

    1. The Lord of the Rings trilogy: Lord of the Rings (2001, PG-13), The Two Towers (2002, PG-13), The Return of the King (2003, PG-13)

    For those readers who aren’t familiar with this, J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings is one of the most popular series written in the last 50 years. His three books spawned a whole new genre. It is, in fact, the genre I currently write in. Peter Jackson and Fran Walsh did an amazing job bringing the beloved epic fantasy to the screen. There’s heroism, suspense, and wonder galore. These movies transport you to another world, immerse you in it, and leave you wanting more.

    Runners Up

    Casino Royale (2006, PG-13)

    I gave up on James Bond years ago. This is Bond like you’ve never seen him. Loved this. The next Bond, The Quantum of Solace, fell totally on its face. But Casino Royale is the real deal–action, spy, and poignant love story all wrapped up in one.

    Luther (2003, PG-13)

    The story of the early 16th century German monk Martin Luther who, sick of Church materialism, begins the Protestant Reformation. I knew very little about Luther. This movie was an eye-opener.

    Matchstick Men (2003, PG-13)

    Nicolas Cage is a phobic con man who learns he has a teenage daughter. He plans another con, but things start to fall apart. In the end, well, let’s just say it was a heart-breaking, then absolutely satisfying.

    Seabiscuit (2003, PG-13)

    Based on the true story of the undersized Depression-era racehorse whose victories lifted the spirits of the nation. This story is full of heartbreak and redemption. About not giving up on broken things. Loved it.

    Slumdog Millionaire (2008, R)

    A Mumbai teen who grew up in the slums, becomes a contestant on the Indian version of “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” He is arrested under suspicion of cheating, and while being interrogated, events from his life history are shown which explain why he knows the answers.

    Walk the Line (2005, PG-13)

    This tells the story of country music legend Johnny Cash. It starts from his early days on an Arkansas cotton farm to his rise to fame with Sun Records in Memphis. It shows how he fell to drugs, and how he climbed back out again. Marvelous performances and story.

    A Better Way to Rate Movies

    Life is too short to waste it on movies that offend instead of uplift.

    I have found over the years that the MPAA movie ratings are lousy at helping me avoid dreck. They’re okay as a rough guide, but they don’t give me enough information to make a good choice. Furthermore, the MPAA often rates a movie mature for elements I don’t find offensive and not for others I do. Luckily, there are other places that rate movies. The one that I’ve found most helpful is KidsInMind.com.

    The folks there give movies separate ratings on three things: sex/nudity, violence/gore, and profanity. But they don’t just present some mysterious number. They also list exactly what’s in the movie. What this does is give you the information you need to make a wise decision. By looking at movies that made me uncomfortable in each of those three areas and comparing scores, I soon pegged my acceptable KidsInMind levels.

    KidsInMind doesn’t tell me anything about the quality of the story or movie-making. But I can look at other reviews for that kind of stuff. What it does well is help me avoid movies with content I know I will find objectionable. Of course, I still look at the MPAA rating, but before I go see a movie or order it on Netflix, I check the KidsInMind ratings. It’s not perfect, but in almost every case it works like a charm. The only downside to the site is its five gazillion popup ads. But it’s a small price to pay for good information.

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  • Witchbreaker by Author James Maxey

    ByJohn Brown

    I’m supposed to do this tag thing where one author tells about his or her latest project and then tags other authors to tell about theirs and so on and so on until we turn into some weird internet author borg and eat your brains out. 

    Heck with that.

    I want to simply share something cool with you instead. James Maxey (who tagged me in the borg fest) writes stories with lots of action, fun, and character that also make you think. They always start with a bang and never let up. For example, look at how GREATSHADOW, his last book, starts.

    When Infidel grabbed me by the seat of my pants and charged toward the window, I didn’t protest. Partly this was due to the speed of her action, but mostly due to my inebriation from the sacramental wine we’d stolen.

    If an opening like that isn’t going to make you want to read more, I don’t know what will. Especially when the wine was stolen from a lava-pygmy temple carved into the sheer cliff face of a volcano.  I’m not alone in my appreciation of Maxey’s writing. Orson Card wrote this glowing review of GREATSHADOW earlier this year.

    Here is the opening to Maxey’s “To The East, A Bright Star” which was published in Asimov’s.  It has one of my favorite beginnings.

    There was a shark in the kitchen. The shark wasn’t huge, maybe four feet long, gliding across the linoleum toward the refrigerator. Tony stood motionless in the knee-deep water of the dining room. The Wolfman said that the only sharks that came in this far were bull sharks, which were highly aggressive. Tony leaned forward cautiously and shut the door to the kitchen. He’d known the exact time and date of his death for most of his adult life. With only hours to go, he wasn’t about to let the shark do something ironic.  

    Which brings us to the fact that Maxey has another book out called WITCHBREAKER. That’s such a cool title I wish I could off Maxey and steal it for myself. The book has, as you have seen to the right, a fabulous cover as well. About 5000% better than the horrid thing Solaris put on GREATSHADOW.

    Maxey talks about what inspired WITCHBREAKER in this blog post, which I recommend you read in full. But just in case you’re a lazy son-of-a-gun like me, here’s the meat of the thing. WITCHBREAKER is about a woman named Sorrow. Says Maxey:

    Her father was a judge who hung his own mother after she was accused of being a witch. Sorrow rebelled by becoming a witch herself, but her hatred isn’t directed directly at her father, it’s directed at the religious and political institutions that empowered him. So, Sorrow’s life mission is to overthrow that system. She’s one woman against the world, fighting to make it a better place even though everyone she meets keeps insisting that the world isn’t so bad. I’ve got a soft spot in my heart for characters locked into a lifelong battle against forces more powerful than they will ever be.

    Blast that dang Maxey and his character genius. I’m not envious at all. No, sir. Which is why I suggest you give Maxey a go. Maybe you’ll appreciate him as much as thousands of other readers do. Read the first few pages of WITCHBREAKER here with Amazon’s look inside.

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  • Author Interview: David Farland

    ByJohn Brown

    David Farland has been a big influence on me. It was his workshop back in the 90’s that actually made me think I could write professionally and led directly to my first publication as a Writers of the Future winner. Later Dave gave me comments on my first novel which helped me write a second, much better one that attracted Tor Books. And it was Dave who showed me the ropes on my first ever author tour.

    But long before all that, Dave was a writer whose work I loved. I read ON MY WAY TO PARADISE when it first came out and enjoyed the heck out of it. SERPENT CATCH and PATH OF THE HERO were next. I gobbeled them up too. Then came the THE GOLDEN QUEEN. By the way, SERPENT CATCH and THE GOLDEN QUEEN are two of my favorite novels. Now, all of those were written under Dave’s given name–Dave Wolverton. When he switched over to fantasy he used the Farland pseudonym.  His first Farland book was RUNELORDS. Folks, RUNELORDS is, in my opinion, one of the top 10 epic fantasies ever written. Ever.

    Of course, Dave has written many other novels and was involved with some Hollywood producers. Now he’s doing something new. He’s started his own publishing company–East India Press–and is releasing the first of his enhanced books through it.  Enhanced meaning far more than a book in print or electronic form–there’s also a soundtrack and art. NIGHTINGALE is that book. I asked him to share with my readers a bit more about it. Here’s his reply.

    *

    JOHN:  Tell us about how you came up with the idea for Nightingale?

    DAVE: Years ago, in the late 1980s or early 1990s, I read a book by a doctor who had worked for the CIA, experimenting with drugs that would erase both long- and short-term memories.  It was fascinating work, and he eventually won the Nobel Prize for it.  So I became interested in memory transfer.

    Later on, one Christmas, I got to thinking about the three “Wise Men” from the bible.  Normally, a “wise man” is called a wizard.  A “maji” is called a magician.  Why was it that the writers of the bible were using double-speak when discussing these guys?  Weren’t they astrologers?  Doesn’t the Old Testament condemn these folks to death?

    So I went back to the Hebrew and found out that indeed these three gentlemen were in the same class of magicians that the Old Testament condemned to death, the m’khashepah—which originally referred to a class of magicians that hung around royal courts.  Of them the bible says, “Thou shalt not suffer a m’khashepah to live.”

    So the thought occurred to me, “What if they weren’t just coming to give Jesus gifts?  What if they really had come to be . . . advisors.  What if they wanted to give him wisdom?”

    That started a whole train of thought dealing with memory transfer—transfer of memories, the possibility of training reflexes, transfer of memories on a cellular level, and so on—which led to the creation of my magic system. 

    The questions arose, what would people do with such power? 

    And of course from that a novel was born.

    Nightingale tells the story of a young man named Bron Jones, who is abandoned at birth.  Raised in foster care, he’s shuffled from home to home.  At age 16, he’s kind of the ultimate loner, until he’s sent to a new foster home and meets Olivia, a marvelous teacher, who recognizes that Bron is something special, something that her people call a “Nightingale,” a creature that is not quite human. 

    Suddenly epic forces combine to claim Bron, and he must fight to keep from getting ripped away from the only home, family, and girlfriend that he has ever known.  He must risk his life to learn the answers to the mysteries of his birth: “What am I?  Where did I come from?  Who am I?”

    This is a big project, an enhanced novel with illustrations and animations from half a dozen talented illustrators.  It has a sound track by the head of the National Composer’s Guild, James Guymon, with a dozen professional musicians and vocalists.  We’re releasing the novel in several formats, as an enhanced novel, a normal e-book, an audiobook, and as a hardcover.

    But we did one last cool thing.  The enhanced book was designed for the iPad, though you will also be able to read it on just about any other pad or smartphone.  But we had our programmers create a web app so that you can enjoy the book on your computer—read a few chapters, take it for a test drive, or simply buy it for reading online.  You’re free to go check out the results at www.nightingalenovel.com.  If you like it, remember to “Like” us on Facebook.  Better yet, re-post our site info and tell your friends on Facebook.

    Oh, and while you’re there, check out our short-story contest, where you can win $1000.

    *

    John sez: I’m very excited to see where this goes. I’ve loved Dave’s stories for a long time. And the premise of this book sounds great. Samples are available at: www.nightingalenovel.com

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  • The Blind Side, Blink, Tandoori Oven, Bischoff Cookies

    ByJohn Brown

    The Blind Side

    Every time I see a sports movie advertised, I groan. Gee, what could this be–yet another story about an individual who, through pluck and determination, overcomes great odds to yadda, yadda, yadda win the game, yea, go team?

    Yawn.

    I enjoy sports, but only those where the outcome really is in question. Only those where I don’t already know the story. If I want a scripted win, I can watch some long-hairs and freaks on WWF.  

    So you’ll understand why I didn’t rush out last year to see The Blind Side. What? A monstrously huge kid plays high school football as a lineman? Wow, he must have really worked hard at that. Is the paint still drying at the Zeyer’s house? Maybe I’ll go watch that instead.

    And this was my response even though Sandra Bullock plays the leading role. I usually enjoy the movies Bullock stars in. Well, except for the last two–The Proposal and All About Steve–which I couldn’t bring myself to watch more than ten minutes of combined. But besides those, she’s probably been one of the most enjoyable actresses since Katherine Hepburn. This is because she actually plays real women, interesting characters, people with personality.

    This is opposed to some actresses who don’t really play people at all, but are put in movies by directors who must think that if they can make the eyes bong out of male heads, those very males won’t notice that the story is dumber than a bag of rocks. These gals have lips that are so puffed up they look painful (e.g. Angelina Jolie, ouch, ouch, OUCH, somebody help her) or have seemingly nothing else to bring to the table besides their looks (e.g. Megan Fox, oooh, look at her shirt ride up over her belly, oooh, another shot of her eyes, oooh, white teeth), and so all their roles end up including very little besides posing for the camera so that we can see that, yes, Timmy, these women really were born with some mathematics, i.e. symmetry and facial proportions conforming to the golden ratio. Are your eyes bonging out yet, Timmy? See, that’s why you should study algebra and geometry. Math lets you do things like that.   

    Anyway, so it was a Bullock film, yet I still didn’t want to see it. But my real-man brother-in-law suggested it for a date night, and so I reluctantly went to watch. (Date night as in double date with the wives, not him and me. Sheesh, you people.)

    I’m so glad I went. The movie was excellent. Probably because it was not about the plucky athlete winning the game, but about something far more important and enjoyable. It’s based on the true story of a rich southern white couple–Leigh Anne and Sean Tuohy–who try to take a homeless teenage African-American, Michael Oher (“Big Mike”), into their family. Michael’s mother is a crack head. His father is unknown. Michael himself is not doing very well. He’s failing school. He doesn’t even have a place to sleep sometimes. And he’s got the good old boys of his neighborhood wanting to hook him up with their gang and drug scene. But Leigh Anne soon takes charge.

    And, boy, does she take charge. She’s one of the most delightful characters I’ve seen in a long time. I laughed again and again at her lines and personality. She also made me think about what I’m doing with my life. This woman and her family did something significant. I won’t tell you what happened with Michael–blah, blah, blah, yea, go team. You can find out for yourself. That wasn’t the important story here. The important story, the one that touched my heart and funny bone, was the one about a delightful family who went way out of its way to try to give a complete stranger a chance at a happy life.

    Go see this show. No, it’s not in the theater, but you can buy or rent it. Me, I get all my films via Netflix. If you haven’t subscribed, consider it. Then you too can feel the excitement of seeing the happy little red Netflix envelopes waiting for you in your mailbox.

    By the way, I have enjoyed a number of other great sports films over the years. If you like The Blind Side, I think you’ll enjoy Coach Carter, Miracle, Invincible, and Cool Runnings (a Brown family favorite).

    Blink by Malcolm Gladwell

    We are told to make decisions based on logic, not emotion. Reason must prevail. The closer we are to Spock, the better. At least in our decision-making, right?

    Well, no. That’s actually wrong.

    Over the last two decades researchers have found that the vast majority of our decisions are made by our gut, in the blink of an eye. And even those we make consciously, we make with a large input from our emotions. In fact, people who have the emotion centers in their brains damaged seem almost unable to make good decisions. Give them seven types of apples to choose from, and they can’t seem to pick one. Ask them to schedule an appointment, and they’ll go round and round listing the pros and cons of different dates and times. Let them know one deck of cards is stacked against them, and they still choose to play with it. They have logic, but lack judgment.

    The rapid, emotional part of our brain is critical for good decision making. Of course, out guts can often be spectacularly wrong. In Blink, Malcolm Gladwell explores both sides of the choices we make in the blink of an eye.

    But this is no tome of dry erudition. Gladwell writes with fantastic simplicity, clarity, and power. He explains what we now know about human decision-making by letting us meet the psychologist who has learned to predict whether a marriage will last, based on just a few minutes of observing the couple; the tennis coach who knows a player will double-fault before the racket even makes contact with the ball; and the art experts who can spot a fake at a glance. He helps us see why New Coke failed, how we pick presidents, and how it was possible that the police shot down Amadou Diallo, who was simply coming home one night. He shares the story of Paul Van Ripper who beat the Pentagon war-gamers in a massive defeat and why.

    Blink reveals that great decisions makers aren’t those who have the biggest brains and highest IQ, but those who have perfected the art of “thin-slicing”—focusing in on the factors that make the biggest difference.

    The book was fascinating. Read it. You’ll start seeing the world differently.

    The Tandoori Oven

    While living in Orem, UT, Nellie and I got our first taste of Indian food. When we moved to the San Francisco area, we found a few Indian restaurants and really learned to love the cuisine. So you can imagine how excited we were when we moved up to boonieville Laketown and were told that just an hour away in Logan was a great Indian restaurant. So we followed the directions to the address we were given and ended up at the gas station just south of the USU football stadium on 720 East and 1000 North. And there above the gas station was the sign for the restaurant.

    We both looked at each other and rolled our eyes. Were the people who told us about this kidding?

    But I decided to just go look. Sometimes the little holes-in-the-walls can surprise you. Maybe in the back by the Hostess rack and chips we’d find some great food. I entered the gas station and found it run by a pleasant Indian fellow. I thought, dang, we’ve got our very own Apu’s Quiki-Mart (Apu being one of my favorite characters on the The Simpsons). However, there was no restaurant. I looked around and saw nothing but racks of normal gas station snacks. I was confused. “I was told there was an Indian restaurant here?” I said.

    “Right over here,” he said in his Indian accent and pointed me to an entryway in the far wall hung with strings of beads. “Through there.”

    Intrigued, I passed through the beads and did indeed find a small restaurant. They’d simply sectioned off a part of the original gas station. I also found that there was a separate door to the outside which I’d missed. I examined the buffet, which looked pretty good, went outside and waved Nellie in. We were going to give it a shot. We let them seat us, and proceeded to enjoy a fabulous meal.

    The restaurant is called The Tandoori Oven: http://TandooriOvenLogan.com. Nellie and I go there regularly. It’s been updated since the first time we went and dished up our soup into treacherous styrofoam bowls. Now they use real cutlery, but the good food and friendly service hasn’t changed.

    If you know Indian food, you can go in the evenings and order a number of dishes to share. But if you want the best deal, go for lunch. They put on an all-you-can-eat buffet which will let you sample a number of dishes. We love the kurmas, saags, vindaloos, curries, naans, and, dude, the spinach soup! Heck, it’s all good. Especially when we can sweeten it a bit with their tamarind or mango chutney. And make sure you leave room for their saffron helwa (spiced cubes of farina) smothered with cardamom rice pudding for dessert.

    Bischoff Lotus Cookies

    I recently performed a taste test. I got a package of Oreos and a package of Bischoff Lotus cookies, and I am here to state that the Bischoff Lotus cookies spanked the Oreos and sent them back to kindergarten for some schooling.

    After the taste test, I had to force myself not to eat the rest of the Bischoff Lotuses in one sitting. I succeeded in lasting for two sittings. Yes, they’re that good—crisp, caramelized, sweet. They have none of the bitterness of gingersnaps, yet have enough spice to delight the tongue.

    But these aren’t new cookies. The Dutch and Belgians have been enjoying them for years. Over there these types of cookies are called speculaas and are probably the most popular cookie around. I can testify they’re great with milk, hot chocolate, and Pero (hey, this is Mormon country). I understand they go great with coffee, even though I have not imbibed in that Aztec concoction and, therefore, cannot vouch for it personally. And for two years I enjoyed them, along with picturesque scenes of cobblestone streets, bicycles, and windmills.

    When I came home, alas, I couldn’t find these delights anywhere except at specialty Dutch stores. And when we moved away from Utah, I never found them again. Then Delta Airlines started serving them on their flights. Oh, joy. But I don’t fly that often. So I’m excited to report that recently I was walking in Macey’s grocery store just across from the Stadium 8 movie theaters in Logan, scanning the packages along the cookie aisle and finding nothing appetizing, when the heavens parted, and a beam of light illuminated a white package with red lettering. I believe I heard a choir.

    Bischoff Lotus cookies.

    Could it be?

    It was.

    I heard reports they were also in Wal-Mart, but I didn’t see them there. So for the sure bet, go to Macey’s, buy, enjoy. And consider yourself Dutchified.

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  • Some 101 for Congress and the President

    ByJohn Brown

    It’s not really rocket science.

    1. If you have loans outstanding and the payment is due, you owe the creditors a payment. Payables for Idiots 101.
    2. If you have received goods and services, then you owe your vendors a payment. Payables for Idiots 102.
    3. You pay your bills. End of story. That’s what grown ups do. If you have to float some debt for a few months, you do it. And you staple a note to your head to stop spending like a slot machine junkie. Payables for Idiots 103.

    The debts we have are for goods and services we’ve already received. So increase the debt limit and pay your damn bills. What about spending?

    1. You do not spend more than you take in year after year. If you do, that’s called running your business into the ground. In the case of the Congress (primarily Harry Reid’s Senate at this point, although many, but not all, of the Republicans were happy to go along with dumb spending earlier) and the President, it’s the country they’re running into the ground. Spending for Idiots 101.
    2. If you’ve got all sorts of cool things planned like Acorn subsidies for pimps and Antarctica Jell-O wrestling grants for scientists, but you can’t afford them—i.e. you have to go into debt to get them–you cancel those plans. Spending for Idiots 102.
    3. The problem is that Congress and the President buy all sorts of crap and expect to put it on a credit card when it comes due. And there’s nothing to prevent them from doing it.
    4. They’re like irresponsible teenagers. They need controls that won’t allow them to overspend. Kind of like putting limits on a teenager’s cell phone minutes. Or forcing them to use a debit card. When they’re out of cash, they get a card denied response from their vendors.
    5. So you set spending limits, debt limits, and force them to balance the budget each year, except in extreme emergencies like when space aliens try to wipe out humanity. Spending for Idiots 103.

    This means you pass Cut, Cap, and Balance and quit spending money you don’t have. Really difficult stuff. What about getting out of debt?

    1. You eat rice and beans until you’re debt is gone or down to a manageable level. That means you cancel crap you can’t pay for. Sorry earmarks, you’re gone. Sorry grants for nude artists in trees, you’re gone. Sorry subsidies for PBS, you’re gone.  Finances 200: How to Not Be A Money Moron.
    2. You figure out how to reduce your current cost structure. This means you figure out a way to reduce the costs of Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, and every other service or product you provide, cutting those that aren’t essential. You hire someone like Mitt Romney who knows how to go through every line in a budget and turn a bloated ship around.  Finances 300: No, You Can’t Pay For Your Sister’s Hair Implants with My Money.
    3. You remind people this is the freaking U S of A. A place where a man or woman can make themselves. Not where the government changes your diapers and feeds you mush three times a day. Communism and socialism have failed. They were badly conceived utopias, much like multi-level soap and vitamin marketing schemes that are supposed to usher in the Second Coming.  Finances 400: The USA Buried the USSR for a Reason.
    4. You increase your revenues.
    5. However, if you raise taxes, you’re actually going to depress your revenues. Think about this. Which car company has bigger revenues–Lamborgini or Honda? Who is going to put out, if they’ve got Louie the Fingers and his buddy Jockstrap taking increasing amounts of their money in a protection racket? Don’t be a thug. Be an enabler.  Do what Wal-Mart does and go for volume.  Do what Ebay does–create the environment that entices tons of commerce, entices people to dramatically increase their transactions. Transactions go through the roof; you take only a tiny cut, and, shazam, you increase your revenues.  Finances 500: Um, Do You Want People to Work to Become Rich or Do You Want Them To Pick Up Torches and Burn the Houses of the Rich Down?

    Cut spending, reduce cost structure, and increase your revenues. That’s getting out of debt.

    Is this really that hard?

    EDIT: 8/1 Seems that “wacky” Ron Paul actually has a simple commonsense approach that doesn’t sound crazy. Why couldn’t we do this?

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  • |

    Good Stuff! The actual Christmas story

    ByJohn Brown

    It’s interesting how many things we’ve added to the accounts we have in the Bible.

    For example, nowhere does the Bible say that Mary rode a donkey. Mary might have walked. Or rode in a cart. Or gotten piggy back rides. We don’t know. We do know that there is no donkey mentioned in the record.

    It also doesn’t say she had the child the night they arrived.

    It only says she was “great with child” when they made the roughly 80-mile journey from Nazareth to Bethlehem. And that “while they were there” in Bethlehem “the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.”

    So she had the baby sometime while they were there. That could have been during the first hour. But it could have also been a week or month later. We just don’t know.

    It doesn’t mention anywhere the word stable.

    Christ might have been born in a stable, or he might have been born in a cave, or inside the house, or out on the porch, or on the roof (lots of those places had flat roofs where they hung out). We just don’t know. What we do know is that he wasn’t born in a palace. And that they laid him in a manger because there wasn’t any room in the inn. An odd circumstance for a king.  

    Notice as well that there weren’t multiple inns.

    It just says “the inn.” And if you look up that word in the Greek, it’s translated as “guest chamber” in the other spots where it’s used in Luke. So they could have been talking about the one guest room in the house where they were staying. Either way, we don’t have anything that says there was a mean innkeeper who later regretted turning the couple away or that Joseph went door-to-door looking for a place.

    We have no record in the account of three wisemen.

    It just says “wisemen.” So there might have been two of them. Or twelve. We don’t know. And it appears they came sometime after Jesus had been born because they first saw the star of his birth in the east and only then set out to find him. They might have been coming from Persia, hundreds of miles away. Or they could have been living in Bethphage, a mile to the east of Jerusalem. Either way, they didn’t know they should travel to Bethlehem because it says they went and talked to Herod first, in Jerusalem, and asked “where is he that is born King of the Jews?”

    The question freaked Herod out (if you’re the current king, you kind of want to know who else is claiming your throne), and so he gathered all the chief priests and scribes to discuss it, and those guys said the prophecies said it would be Bethlehem. And so Herod met with the wisemen again and told them to go there. And only then did they go down to Bethlehem. So it doesn’t appear the wisemen were there the night of the birth.  

    There’s no record of camels hanging out with the baby either. Or sheep. Or goats. There’s not a lot there. But what is there is interesting.

    Now, I want to go on record stating I have no problem speculating about the event and imagining what it might have been like. I love to do it. Good grief, I write fiction.

    In fact, for many years I figured I needed to get in on the Christmas noun gig. You know what I mean. Every year we get heart-warming books about new Christmas nouns. We’ve had Christmas sweaters, Christmas jars, Christmas boxes, Christmas candles, Christmas carols. This year I see there’s one about Christmas fudge and other about a Christmas train. So I figured I’d do one. Mine would be about the Christmas rat. A little fellow who decided to snuggle up with the babe instead of giving him a nibble. One of these days I will get that hungry rat story written.  

    In the meantime, while there’s a lot of good stuff we’ve added to make the event special, it’s also nice to know what the record actually does say. Whether you’re Christian or not, it’s helpful when dealing with others to know what was recorded about this event that is so significant to the largest religion in the world.

    And so the last bit of good stuff I recommend this month are the two brief accounts we have. The first one is in Matthew 2:1-16 and tells the story of the wisemen. The other is in Luke 2:1-20 and features some shepherds.

    Merry Christmas!

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2 Comments

  1. Hey! I can never get off your website, dang you!
    Where’s the link for the Moses song?!

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