The Key Conditions for Reader Suspense Part 2: Character

In the last part in this series we discussed the idea that readers don’t want your characters to be happy. They want them to hunted, stressed, threatened, freaked, and nigh unto some horrible fate for 90% of the novel. At that point, after all that trouble, readers want the characters to pull victory out of the jaws of defeat, exhale a big sigh of relief, and enjoy a Slurpee . . . until the next book in the series.

All through the big worry, readers don’t want to know what WILL happen. They want to know or suspect what MIGHT happen and HOPE and FEAR about those possibilities. And then they want a cathartic resolution of all that hope and fear, all that dramatic tension they have felt.

But our readers won’t hope and fear for just anyone. They will only hope and fear for those characters who evoke sympathy and interest. And so the second set of Pareto factors focus on the things, the conditions, that do this. 

Pareto Factor 1: Troubles

Sympathy starts when we see someone in trouble. That’s not the only thing that’s required. Some people who are in terrible trouble only evoke pity or even antipathy. So there’s more to this than trouble, but trouble is where sympathy starts. So what kind of trouble are we talking about? I like the categories James Scott Bell uses. We feel sympathy for people who are:

  • In jeopardy or experiencing hardship
  • Are underdogs
  • Are vulnerable

When someone is in jeopardy, it means some significant aspect of their happiness is being threatened. Hum, sounds suspiciously like the first type of story problem I discussed in the last post, doesn’t it? That’s because it is. We have sympathy for people who are being threatened with death, slavery, drudgery, etc. We’re just wired for it. Likewise, we feel for someone experiencing a hardship. And a “hardship” is simply someone having to deal with a lack, the second type of problem we discussed. So we begin to evoke reader sympathy by just giving our characters significant problems to deal with.

And you can pile the problems on so that not only does our hero have to deal with the central problem of the story, but maybe he’s also broke and has nothing but one box of macaroni and cheese in the cupboard, or his car just got repossessed, or he’s just been dumped by his girlfriend, or he and his daughter are estranged because his ex-wife is pouring poison in her ear, or he breaks his arm, or he works in an awful job.

Do you remember Peter Parker in Spiderman 2? He gets fired from his pizza job, has no money, is losing his girl. Lots of hardship. And lots of reader sympathy.

But giving characters problems is not quite enough. Because if you recall, the readers want to fear for our characters. Nobody fears too much for someone else if we know that they can easily resolve any threat or hardship that comes their way. And so we need to stack the odds against the character. They need to be underdogs.

This means that the opposition starts off two steps ahead. It means they have more power, more resources, or more information. This is why strong antagonists make strong stories—they help the reader to fear for our protagonists.

Who worries about a Superman who is a hunk of burning love? Nobody. Unless he’s actually Clark Kent in other matters and stands to lose something like Lois. Or, when he is Superman, someone hangs kryptonite around his neck and turns him into a dweeb.

In this same vein, our characters need to be vulnerable. This means they can be squashed at any time. They can be shot, killed, ruined. Until the very end, the reader must know the characters can lose big. In the previous post, I said that problems have to be hard to solve, otherwise readers don’t worry. The things that make problems hard to solve are character limitations, ongoing and increasing troubles, conflicts, and surprises. All of those factors make characters vulnerable as well.

So, threaten your characters will all sorts of things, give them hardships, make them vulnerable underdogs, and we’ll feel sympathy for them.

Or will we?

There are some characters with problems who we don’t want to root for. Instead, we hope they fail. Villains, for example, have problems, but we root against them with vigor. In our minds, these folks deserve to fail. So you can’t rely on problem alone. There’s another quality that your characters must evoke if we’re going to hope and fear for them.

That other quality is deservingness.

Pareto Factor 2: Deservingness (likeability)

All of us have an automatic scale of justice inside of us. We can’t turn it off. Nor can we ignore it. It’s very simple. If someone’s bad outweighs their good, then we think they don’t deserve good things. Conversely, if someone’s good outweighs their bad, we think they should be happy.

Don’t believe me? Fine, let’s test it.

A boy breaks his arm and he whines, whines, whines about it all day long. Tells his teachers he can’t do his school work because of it. Mopes at home in front of the TV. Steals his sister’s money to buy candy because he has this awful injury and he deserves it. Maybe he makes all his friends listen to him talk about how hard it is, and he just goes on and on and on.

You know exactly what you’re thinking. You know exactly how much sympathy you have for him, which is none.

Another boy has a broken arm. But this one doesn’t whine. In fact, when his dad falls ill, he goes out and with the one good arm, and in pain, mucks out the horse stalls. He does this because his dad was going to lose his job if he didn’t. Then the boy comes back in and cleans himself up and doesn’t say a thing.

You like that second boy? You want good things for him?

Of course, you do.

Problems aren’t enough. They’re only half the equation. For us to root for someone, we have to feel they’re deserving. Or if you like the term better, you can say they need to be “likeable.”

So what makes someone deserving or likeable?

That’s going to be slightly different for each person because our moral codes are all slightly different. If you feel it’s a sin to kill animals, you might feel conflicted reading a story about a rancher who needs to get his cattle to slaughter. If you feel unions do nothing but harm, you might throw down a book that’s about a union boss trying to force a corporation into compliance. Nevertheless, there are many virtues and vices that people hold in common. Usually, we feel people are deserving if they weigh more on the one side of the table below than they do the other. 

Deserving / Likeable Not Deserving / Unlikeable
  • Unselfish, do nice things for others
  • Stand up for little guy
  • Funny
  • Sacrifice for someone else
  • Good-humored, don’t take themselves too seriously
  • Courageous
  • Hard-working
  • Actively trying to fix their own problems
  • Hopeful
  • Etc.
  • Selfish
  • Bully others
  • Dull
  • Whining
  • Cowardly
  • Take themselves too seriously
  • Sanctimonious and self-righteous
  • Lazy, only want to snivel or groan about their problems
  • Sad sacks
  • Etc.

We tend to like people more who show the characteristics on the left side. We tend to dislike people who show the characteristics on the right side.

Notice, a lot of this has to do with motive. In many instances it isn’t just the act that decides us for or against someone. It’s the act + the reason why they did it. Let’s go back to that example of the kid with the broken arm that mucked out the horse stall. We’ll love him if he made that sacrifice out of selflessness. We’ll feel something different if he does it only because it allows him to hide his and his father’s crime (maybe they killed someone and have temporarily stashed the body in the barn under the muck in a stall).

Furthermore, while we need to make the characters we want our readers to root for deserving, this doesn’t mean they have to be paragons of virtue. Remember that deservingness is weighed on a scale. Just as long as the characters tip the scales one way, we will feel they’re deserving. On the other hand, if they cross the line the other way, we’ll turn against them.

For example, let’s say your lead character is a thief who steals money from retired folks. But in your story she’s trying to save a kid from being kidnapped and sold into the sex slave trade. Yeah, our character may be a thief, but what she’s doing outweighs the bad, and we’re going to root for her.

Now let’s make our lead a child molester. He’s trying to capture a brutal drug cartel murderer who has just escaped prison. Along the way he has his way with a few children.

Who are you rooting for this time?

Yeah, me too. I hope the murderer finds the child molester and offs him. Or at least alerts the authorities to his crime and ties him up in a neat package for them to pick up.

So you don’t have to have perfect people as your leads. In fact, it’s sometimes more interesting to have someone with foibles just like the rest of us. But when those foibles turn into things we find despicable, we’ll turn against those characters.

And vice versa. For those of you who have read or watched Pride & Prejudice, did you notice how you rooted against Mr. Darcy when we interpreted his actions as smug condescension? The moment he changed, and we learned of it, we cheered for him. It was all a matter of deservingness.  

If we want to hope and fear for our characters, they need troubles. But they also need to weigh in on the deserving side of our scale of justice. When they do, they become admirable, likeable, heroic.

In fact, heroes, the ones that make us stand up and cheer, are those people that put their own happiness at risk to do the “right” thing. They’re the very embodiment of deservingness.

So make your characters admirable in some way, if only just a little bit.

For more on the topic of deservingness, read How Inequity and Deservingness Propel Readers Through Story.

Still, we’re not done yet. We might have characters who are completely deserving, but they are so boring we can’t muster any interest in them. And that brings us to the third Pareto factor.

Pareto Factor 3: Interest

We want to hope and fear for a character for 90% of the novel. But will you stick around if the characters are utterly boring? Probably not. So you want to make your characters interesting. Heck, sometimes we don’t need much of a problem, but will read about someone just because they’re so dang interesting. Character interest is a key factor in a reader’s enjoyment of your story. It one of the things that produces the biggest bang for the buck.

The question is: what makes a character interesting? The answer: the same things that make real people interesting.

You’ll want to make your own list of things that make people interestings because what rocks you might not rock me, but I’ll share the types of things that spark my interest in other people below.

Your characters don’t have to exhibit all of the traits listed, but you might want to think of giving them at least one or three of them.

Power

People who have power draw our interest. That power may be one of many varieties:

  • Wealth. They might be super rich like Bill Gates or Warren Buffett or the Queen. They may drive the coolest cars and have the most luxurious houses or clothing.
  • Position. Someone in a powerful position like the CEO of a big company, the general of an army, or the leader of some gang. But it doesn’t have to be huge. A single cop draws attention. As does an IRS agent on your doorstep. The foreman of a crew has some power. The character might not even be the one to hold the reins of power but be a spouse or counselor of someone else who does.
  • Physical strength. They may be fast or strong or just huge individuals. Maybe they have been trained to be deadly weapons or at least use them.

Ability

People with extraordinary skills or talents draw our interest. It’s why, in fantasies, we’re so interested in those that can actually practice magic. In fact, ability is a type of power. And just like those with the other types of power, these folks evoke wonder, respect, and sometimes awe.

The skills and abilities you’re interested in may differ from mine, but we are fascinated by those who can do things well or have some gift. Maybe they are expert at selling, or making money, or framing a house, or painting, or doing gymnastics, or reading, or hacking into computers, or skydiving, or firing weapons, or riding horses, or hunting, or getting people to like them, or making pancakes, or a thousand other things. Maybe, like Edna Mode in The Incredibles, they have the ability to design amazing super-hero outfits.

Even though your characters have limitations that prevent them from immediately solving the problem they face, you can still give them some kind of an ability that makes them admirable to us. Some gift or talent. And maybe it helps them solve the problem in the end.

Extraordinariness

People who are uncommon in some way draw our interest. In fact, if you think about those with power and ability, you see that they possess this quality as well. However, you don’t always need power and ability to be extraordinary.

Maybe you’re a normal guy in an extraordinary job. You’re a CIA officer, a smuggler, or a spy. Maybe you raise wolves or are a bounty hunter. Or you hunt bears with a pack of dogs and a horse. Or maybe you have some other uncommon hobby.

You might argue that these are special skills. They are. But who says my categories can’t overlap? Still they don’t have to be extraordinary in that way. Maybe you simply have extraordinary experience. You fought in a war, escaped prison, were a bank robber at one time. Or maybe you’re just outrageous, bizarre, eccentric, odd, or have some exaggerated quirk.

Maybe you’re a loud-talker, a mumbler, a guy who takes his three parrots with him where ever he goes, a farmer who loves pies. Maybe you’re super thin. Or a cab driver with glasses so thick his passengers immediately wonder if they’ll arrive alive. Maybe you have squeaky shoes. Or are always dressed to the nines and smell of lemons. Maybe you’re one of these people that walk around in their sleep or hold loud conversations with ghosts. Or you’re a coffee freak and drink a pint of black mud each day. Maybe you just have an uncommon name like the folks in the Netherlands who surname is, no lie, Born Naked.

Sometimes these extraordinary things affect the plot. Sometimes they don’t. The point is that the extraordinary captures our attention. When you’re inventing your characters, add something extraordinary. You’ll be surprised at how much more interesting they are to you.  

Beauty

People who are beautiful capture our attention. In movies we see a million bits of information at once. We can see the beauty and respond. But we can’t do that in text. And so we have to evoke the image of beauty in the reader’s mind. A few key details and the way others react to them should be enough.

Now you might think beauty is a superficial method for generating interest, but I think it’s a manifestation of something else more fundamental. If you think about a lot of the interest factors we’ve discussed so far–having special power, wealth, ability, or beauty–they all have a common element running through them. That element is wish-fulfillment.

Wish-fulfillment

We cannot help but be interested in characters who are, do, or have things we want. In fact, this is one of the main draws of fiction–experiencing something wonderful or cool, even if it’s vicariously. Phyllis Pianka states this so well in How to Write Romances: 

“You cannot write an engrossing romance novel until you create a heroine the reader wants to identify with and a hero the reader can fall in love with . . . they are idealized; the heroine is someone women would like to emulate: nicer, prettier, thinner, more intelligent, though not necessarily all of those things. She will have a flaw but it will be a minor one . . . the hero is the ideal lover and husband and father . . . Above all, he must be the man with whom every woman would like to fall in love [bold font added for emphasis]” (30).

A lead you’d like to be like in some way. A hero you could fall in love with. Or at least feel attracted to. Remember, readers are hoping and fearing for the characters. How can readers hope for a woman to enter a committed relationship if the readers feel the man is completely unattractive, physically or emotionally? How can we males root for the man if we feel the same about the female character? It doesn’t mean they have to be perfect. Wish-fulfillment, like many things in writing, slides along a scale. But we’ll be more interested as readers the more we can participate in the same attraction and desire.

Someone might be thinking this is just for love stories, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. What’s one of the reasons why James Bond and all the other action heroes are so popular? Among other things, it’s because so many of us would love to live the adventures those heroes do. We would love to be the types of guys who know how to fight like Jack Reacher and get to use all the high-tech the gizmos and drive the deluxe cars. How many YA stories are about characters finding fairies or dragons or aliens? How much of fantasy is about having the powers magic grants? Wouldn’t it be cool! Of course. That’s wish-fulfillment.

So when developing a character, we can think of things we’d like to be, do, or have and give those things, or the opportunity for them, to our characters. Make them admirable or desireable in some way. Of course, this doesn’t mean you can’t give your characters flaws, or that you can’t write about someone we wouldn’t want to be like. Our readers don’t have to want to be like our characters in every way, but a little bit of wish-fulfillment helps. It’s something to consider.

Also, as with anything, what’s desireable to you might not be what’s desireable to me. Maybe I’m interested in anyone who has served in the armed forces or lives with some kind of risk and adventure. Maybe you can’t stand that and are enthralled instead with horses. Maybe you’d like to fly airplanes, but I’d love to fly dragons. One guy is drawn to those with happy marriages full of laughter. Another is drawn to the freedom of single life. You write your stories, and I’ll write mine. But we can both make our characters more interesting by adding, when it fits, some element of wish-fulfillment.

Humor

We love humor. Love to laugh. And so anytime you can create a character that does this to the audience, they will be interested in them. It might be our characters have witty lines or comments. Maybe they’re humorous types or find themselves in humorous situations. 

One note. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that making a character interesting will make them deserving or admirable. Humor, just like beauty, can be given to characters we root against. Maybe the character is funny, but it’s a cruel funny. Maybe the character is mind-stealing beautiful, but they use their beauty for terrible purposes. Sympathy and interest are different things.

Danger

Anyone who poses a threat demands our interest. This is one of the reasons why Darth Vader is so interesting. Criminals present threats of all sorts, which is why we’re always interested in them. Recall, however, that many aspects of happiness can be threatened. It doesn’t have to be a threat to life, limb, or property. For example, someone may threaten my relationship to my wife or my belonging to a group or community.

We’re also interested in those who are in danger. This ties back to the first story element of problem. In fact, the problem might be so interesting and threatening that we could cast anyone in the role and readers would go along with them. Do you really remember the leads in Jurassic Park, for instance? There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with a plain vanilla character. In fact, that might be exactly what your story needs. However, I would still see if it doesn’t improve things to make your character interesting outside the context of the story problem. If you do, you just might end up with an Indiana Jones.

Secrets

We love mysteries. And so sometimes it’s wonderful to give characters secrets. It might be they present a bit of danger or have something to hide as Aragorn does when we first meet him in The Lord of the Rings. Or maybe they have a past they don’t like to talk about. Either way, we love to wonder about them and then have our questions answered in surprising ways. We like it even better when these secrets affect the deservingness of the character or our understanding of the situation the character faces.

Surprise

We are intrigued by characters who play against type, if only a little. So maybe you have a plumber who quotes Shakespeare or William Blake to his customers. Maybe you have a mixed martial arts fighter who is a woman with three kids. Maybe the hero has a fear of spiders. Or the villain is a magnificent artist or tends lovingly to his bees or his daughter. Maybe the super rich businessman secretly goes to poor neighborhoods to find folks to help. Maybe the bearded and tattooed biker carries around a Book of Mormon and reads it during quiet moments. Maybe, like Michael in the series Burn Notice, the super spy loves yogurt. Anything that runs against, or just doesn’t fit, our expectations of the type. This includes motives  as well as external character tags.

Cast Variety

Finally, because we almost always deal with a cast of people in our stories, we need to make sure they’re interesting as a group. You will increase reader interest if you give each character some memorable and interesting trait, but you’ll get the most bang for the buck if you make those traits different.

For example, let’s say you have a team of characters who need to go behind enemy lines to find and dismantle a radar station. If every one of those team members is exactly the same–all wise-cracking blond farm boys from Oklahoma–we might find it funny and odd at first, but it will soon lose its appeal as they all say and do the same things. Compare this to a group where one is a silent-but-deadly farmer, another is a metaphysical mechanic, a third is a short woman’s man, the fourth is a wise-cracking American Indian. Maybe one joined the ARMY because he’s got first person shooter games dancing in his eyes, another because his father was a military man, another is there to conduct some kind of criminal heist, the fourth because he’s poor and needed help getting through college and supporting his wife and kid.

I know, I know, you women are probably saying the tall blond farm boys might not be all that bad. But after you finish oogling them, think of this: your readers might not all be into farm boys. Did you ever wonder why boy bands have a variety of types–the serious one, the good one, the bad one, the cutie? It’s because it broadens the appeal to a wider audience.

But it goes beyond that. Variety also avoids the problem of diminishing marginal utility. This is simply the idea that the more you experience something, the less power each experience provides. For example, the first time you hear a great joke it may be gut-busting funny. By the time you’ve heard it ten times the joke has probably lost its appeal. Imagine eating a meal that’s nothing but salmon or broccoli or fried okra or ice cream. Eventually, after twenty dishes of cheese, you will go blind. The same thing occurs with characters. This is why it’s always more powerful to have one villain instead of a hundred of them. One wise-cracking American Indian is awesome. Fifteen of them only water down the effect so that none of them are as powerful as the one could be all by herself.

And it doesn’t end there. There’s an even more important reason for giving your cast variety: it opens up possiblity for more conflict, surprise, and story. Maybe one of the lead’s team members turns traitor. Maybe one of the bad guys is thinking about doing his boss in. With some variety, you can not only write about the main problem, but you also add in subplots–a love story or a redemption plot. And both can complicate the central problem.

Vareity adds interest. Develop your characters–the major, minor, and bit roles, folks that help our lead and others who hinder or oppose them–but also develop them with an eye towards the effect of the cast as a whole.

Characters you want to hope and fear for

Our readers want to hope and fear for our characters. They want to feel sympathy. But they also want to be delighted and awed by them. They want to feel admiration for them. They want to laugh at and with them. These are some of the key joys of the experience they come to us for.

The way we deliver this is by giving our characters troubles, letting them demonstrate they deserve to be rooted for, and making them interesting.

But we’re not done yet. Right now we’ve only talked about the problem and the character. That’s just the beginning. Remember, readers want to hope and fear and then feel a cathartic release. But you can’t feel catharsis if your worries don’t build up to a certain point, if they aren’t extended.

Form follows function.

Think about the itch deep down in your cast that builds and builds and builds over days. It’s amazing when you finally scratch it. Think about the time you couldn’t drink or eat for a day or two and how hungry or thirsty you were. Think about how good it felt to finally satisfy that tension. The experience of eating after a fast is so different from the one when you eat when you’re still mostly full.

You need to make your readers hungry for a release. They want to be hungry. And that takes time. So while a six-hundred word piece of flash fiction can evoke some emotion, it’s nothing compared to the emotion and experience a 100,000 word novel can deliver. Because 100,000 word novels allow you to build the reader’s hunger, their tension, their hope and fear, to a sharp point.

You build this tension with plot. And that will be the next post in the series.

In the meantime, if you think of other things that make characters interesting or sympathetic, specific examples of the factors I’ve talked about, or have questions, please post them in the comments.

More great reading

A lot of the factors listed above that make characters interesting have to do with them being larger than life. If you want to read more on this, Orson Scott Card devotes a whole chapter to it in his wonderful book Characters & Viewpoint.

For those interested in exploring the factors that lead to sympathy, let me recommend Adam Smith’s The Theory of Moral Sentiments. That link will take you the wiki about the book. At the bottom of that wiki are links to the actual text.

Parts in the The Key Conditions for Reader Suspense Series

  1. Scene  (coming soon)
  2. Development Tips
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  • I hate mission statements, but…

    Stephen R. Covey (or is it Lex Luthor?)
    Stephen R. Covey (or is it Lex Luthor?)

    First of all, if I could look like Stephen R. Covey does in that picture, I would shave my head and never look back. Holy moly, I love that picture. But that’s not why I’m writing.

    James Maxey is a writer who I respect and whose comments on the boards of Codex Writers often make me think or laugh. He recently started a thread about writing mission statements.

    Ack!

    I groaned when I first read the title of his topic. I know first-hand how useful goals are. I know how vital it is to identify what’s vital in any endeavor. Heck, I’m a Covey-lover through and through.

    But every mission statement I’ve seen has either been useless corporate toilet paper (because they’re printed on stuff that’s too stiff and rigid to be of any help in the bathroom) or it’s a personal artifact that has a six week half life, after which it turns into something like that singing fish you bought and can’t for the life of you figure out why or where to put it now that you realize you could have eaten a steak for just as much money and the pleasure would have lasted longer.

    And yet consciously thinking about how you want to live is so powerful. I think the corporate world ruined the term for me. I cannot bring myself to write a “mission statement.” I know what I want to do in my various roles in life. I know how I want to live. But I cannot use that label. Alas.

    So here’s my “what I want to do” as far as writing is concerned. It’s not crisp and clean. And if I had to write it again, it would come out differently. But it has the gist.

    —-

    I want to make people fall in love like I did when I first watched the Sound of Music–that sweet, pure yearning. And when they’re out of love, I want them to see a way back.

    Every once in a while I want the ground to shift under the feet of my readers like it shifted under mine when I first watched Les Miserables with Anthony Perkin.

    I want them to laugh.

    I want to give them the wonder and adventure that was given me when I read the Hobbit.

    I want them, at least once, to shout in triumph.

    I want to share my delight in people who are fascinating, flawed, salt-of-the-earth, odd, funny, strong or a hundred other wonderful things, but who show some courage, a little or a lot.

    I want readers to weep at the hope of redemption. I want them to despair at loss.

    I want the sun to shine. I want the world to crack.

    And when my readers are done, when the book’s closed and they sit back, I want the story and people to linger, I want my readers to want to go back. I want them to feel it was, not only a surge of living, but a good thing to have once been lost in the pages of my book.

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    Presentation for Brandon Sanderson’s writing course

    PDF of the slides

    Brandon asked me to substitute for him on March 1st and teach the students about indie publishing. For those of you who were there, here are the slides.

    2018 Sanderson Class – Indie Publishing Final PDF

    “If I Were Published”

    To start the presentation, I regaled the students with a surprise: my epic-fantasy-BYU-newbie-author version of the classic Fiddler on the Roof song which I called “If I Were Published.” Dylan Rowe, a student in the class with some serious violin chops, practiced with me in secret, then accompanied me during the performance. He was great. And the performance went well. We all had a great time. There’s a recording. Once I get it, I’ll post it here.

    Here’s how it went.

    Isaac introduced me. I said how happy I was to be there. I then asked for a show of hands: who was hoping to be published. Not all did, BTW. Some were taking the course for other reasons. I then said that the sight of such a vast assemblage of unpublished writers made me think of someone else. I displayed the slide of Tevye dancing. They all laughed, and I knew this was going to be a good crowd.

    And then Dylan, who was hiding off to the side, played the phrase for “If I were a rich man” and I put on my own black Tevye hat. There was more laughter and surprise, and I began.

    Dear Lord, you made many, many unpublished writers.
    I realize, of course, that it’s no shame to be unpublished
    But it’s no great honor, either.
    So what would have been so terrible if I had one small best-selling series?

    [Dylan began to play and I began to sing]

    If I were published,
    Yaba dibba dibba dibba digguh deedle daidle dum.
    All day long I’d biddy-biddy-bum
    If I were a published man

    Wouldn’t have to work hard,
    Yaba dibba dibba dibba digguh deedle daidle dum.
    If I were a biddy biddy pub
    digguh deedle daidle published man

    I’d write a big long epic–hundreds of characters!
    Swords and dragons and a lot of gore
    A snot-nosed lad who was prophesied for the fight

    There’d be a quest to one far side of the map
    And one to find a lovely ancient lore
    And one more leading out into the blight

    [I paused here, to think, then sang the tune to the last line again with the first four of these]

    To meet a sprite,
    and a dark knight,
    with an old birth right,
    read by moon light,
    that … cures snake bite.

    [Dylan produced a big scratch. I covered my eyes in shame.]

    Oy! Bad story development.

    I’d see my wife, my Nellie,
    Looking like a rich man’s wife,
    with a proper golden skin,
    rolling out the yoga mats to her heart’s delight.

    I’d see her driving the kids
    in something other than a minivan
    Oy! What a happy mood she’s in!
    Posting perfect selfies to day and night.

    Hordes of bright-eyed zoobie writers will come to fawn on me.
    They will ask me to advise them,
    like Sanderson the Wise.
    “If you please, Mister Brown?”
    “Pardon me, Mister Brown?”
    Posing problems that would cross a Shakespeare’s eyes
    Ya da dee da dum, ya dah da dum

    And it won’t make one bit of difference
    if I answer right or wrong.
    When you’re published they think you really know.

    If I were published, I’d have the time that I lack
    to go to the temple and to pray,
    seated in a corner of the celestial room.
    And I would serve on projects building Enoch’s Zion
    from here to Africa and beyond.
    And that would be the sweetest thing of all

    Oy!

    If I were pub-lished.
    Yaba dibba dibba dibba digguh deedle daidle dum.
    All day long I’d biddy-biddy-bum
    if I were a published man.

    Wouldn’t have to work hard.
    Yaba dibba dibba dibba digguh deedle daidle dum.
    Lord who made the lion and the lamb,
    You decreed I should be what I am.
    Would it spoil some vast, eternal plan,
    if I were a pub-lished man?

    Limericks

    I took a bunch of copies as my books as gifts to support the good cause of entertaining hard-working students. But there was a twist. To get a book, they had to pay me one limerick. It could be about anything and of any quality. But it needed to be a limerick. They had, like, 5 minutes to write one at the end. Thirty-three souls came up with the payment. Here they are for your enjoyment.

    1.
    A writer, a publisher, and a poet,
    And now, wouldn’t you know it,
    They’re debating a comma,
    and imagine the drama,
    When they’re divided on just how to cull it

    2.
    There once was a class of fiction
    Which had a stranger take up his position
    He was quite amusing
    He kept them from snoozing
    For he had quite a talent for diction.

    3.
    John Brown’s book could be greatness
    I hope it’ll be a hit, not a miss
    Your lecture was great,
    It did not stagnate
    I hope you will great me my wish! (to get your book)

    4.
    I want to write a book that is fun
    where an evil something kills someone
    And the people will fail
    ‘Til the heroes prevail
    But I fear I will never be done.

    5.
    I’m trying to write my own book.
    But, if you now went to look
    I fear you will find
    It’s all in my mind
    But, oh – all the effort it took!

    6.
    There once was a poodle named Paddle
    whose fur was cut into a saddle
    until in the park
    he ate too much bark
    And now his tight fur is a battle.

    7.
    There was a young woman whose head
    Had eyes that looked dead
    As boys approached her,
    Her sharp tongue they started to stir
    Filling others with dread

    8.
    A poet sat twiddling his thumbs
    He felt his ideas were dumb.
    He was lacking in time
    But just couldn’t rhyme
    So he loosened his thoughts with some rum.

    9.
    “In honor of your song”
    “You know I’d really love to be published
    Oh, the glam and the glory I would relish
    The hordes of fans my mind’s eye can see-
    Sanderson with John Brown bowing to me –
    And don’t (?) tell me my dreams are embellished”

    10.
    Homework I do not much like, you see
    But for your book a lim’rick it be
    and so i must do,
    with great thanks to you,
    this my small bit of lame poetry

    11.
    There once was a boy named John
    Who needed to mow the lawn.
    He pulled on the rope
    But oh, what a dope!
    Alas, the gas was all gone!

    12.
    Guardian Angel Limerick
    I’ve struggled to write since the phone call,
    when the maybe’s, the what-if’s turned actual
    and the grieving stretched on
    till the morn she was gone
    and the world lost, but I gained, an angel.

    The note with that one: “I was the girl who asked if the limericks had to be funny. Thank you for coming to class and giving us the books. I’ve included my limerick below. My mother passed away a couple weeks ago. This is my tribute to my loudest cheerleader and my harshest critic.” Boy, I’m definitely honored to have this one.

    13.
    There was a young man from Pocatello
    Who thought that he was a brave fellow
    But one dark, dark night
    He took quite a fright,
    And found that he was quite, quite yellow.

    14.
    There once was a sorcerer bloke
    Who traveled outside for a smoke
    He yawned, “curse this day”
    And that is to say
    The incantation now was spoke

    15.
    There once was a ship fresh-moored
    With my favorite couple on board
    But despite the large fanon
    It was destroyed by the canon
    And my ship, sunk quick, sailed no more

    16.
    There once was a sad unicorn
    Who had tragically lost his gold horn
    And thus ran away
    and still to this day,
    He stands but a horse all forlorn

    17.
    There once was a grandma so old
    on her birthday she had a bad cold
    as she blew out her candles
    her kids yelled, “Mad scandal!”
    as her dentures flew into the mould

    18.
    There once was a cat named caterer
    who keeps running into the mirror
    we got her some glasses
    form the shopping masses
    and now she sees everything clearer

    19.
    There once was a dust speck named Mike
    Who lived on the edge of a spike.
    He was bumped off that edge,
    then snagged on some sedge,
    ending up on the wheel of a bike

    20.
    I am a cat who is hip.
    Who likes to shoot from the lip.
    My songs are all crude.
    My stories are lewd.
    I like to make reality flip.

    21.
    There once was a bunny named Mopey
    Who had friends that were silly and dopey.
    They hopped on a train
    That took them to Maine
    Where someone threw them in a bath that was soapy

    22.
    I want something to teach me to cook
    but this sure and that kind of a book
    but bore shadiz tes (yeah, couldn’t read it, dang it)
    and this sure seems fair
    So now I guess I should take a look

    23.
    There once was a man named John
    Who put his books out to pawn
    Some students one day,
    Wrote limericks to say,
    “We love your free books–give us one.”

    24.
    My mother wanted to get a book,
    And she gave me that terrible look.
    A limerick the price,
    I wrote one down twice,
    So please give me that sought after book.

    25.
    There once was a man named Lam
    Who like to eat lots of Spam.
    When the aliens came
    He cooked them a meal
    And so his soul they did not steal

    26.
    There once was a tiger named Ted
    He went to town in a bed.
    Jeep in the rustle
    He spotted a tussle
    And now he has bumps on his head.

    27.
    Once I tried writing haiku;
    it seemed like a fun thing to do.
    But I fumbled the timing,
    and couldn’t stop rhyming,
    and now this haiku is just poo.

    28.
    Once I was writing a sonnet
    But my paper hand not a word on it.
    I sat there confused,
    My talents unused,
    Because nothing else rhymes except “bonnet”.

    29.
    I love me a good paper book
    But the digital have a nice look
    Shopped for a kindle all day,
    Tried to buy on eBay,
    But, somehow I just have a Nook.

    30.
    There once was a man with pink hair
    And all he ever got were rude stares.
    He said, “I know that I’m hot.
    There’s no need to gawk.
    Goodbye.” And left with great flair.

    31.
    There once was a lobster named Clyde
    Who was inexplicably snide.
    But he had some bad luck,
    from the sea he was plucked
    and now he’s been battered and fried.

    32.
    I was once walking home on the street
    When a woman, I happened to meet
    I said to her, “Hey.”
    She said to me, “Nay.”
    So I went out and bought me a treat.

    33.
    Tetris is the very best game
    My playing will put you to shame
    See… I am the best
    Put it to the test
    One day it may lead me to fame.

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  • Indie thoughts: being realistic

    I know a lot of authors who are trying indie publishing. Some are doing fabulously well. Most are not. I’ve talked to a lot of folks wanting to indie publish. Very often they have stars in their eyes, even though the vast majority of books don’t sell well. But does that mean indie publishing is a pipe dream?

    Here’ is a perspective I agree with from Hugh Howey.

    The fact that self-publishing provides better chances doesn’t mean great chances. The fact that self-publishing can be less frustrating than the query-go-round and the delays inherent with traditional publishing doesn’t mean that self-publishing is frustration-free.

    Read more on Howey’s site. And here’s another by Dylan Hearn. With the Hearn post, I don’t know where he’s getting the “average book sells 100 copies” data. I don’t think that’s accurate. But his intent is to tell authors to have modest expectations, and I think having modest, realistic expectations is the most helpful way to approach this.

     

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  • Rewriting the On Writing page

    I’m a teacher in the private sector. I’ve developed and taught courses on everything from accounting to how to small talk. Heck, my official title is education program manager (that sounds really official and, like, powerful, doesn’t it).

    For a long time, I’ve wanted to deliver a 12 week course on writing. But I ain’t got not time for 12 weeks and all that would require. However, that doesn’t mean I can’t turn my education brain on and get my stuff on writing into a format that will actually help.

    So that’s what I’m going to do.

    You want to learn how to write?

    I’ll share what I can. The first revision is up. In it, you should learn what the crap you’re doing. Enjoy.

    When I finish more, I’ll be sure to notify you with a post.

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  • |

    Writing Update: 5/21/11 – visualize first, scene goals, the power of research

    I finished two chpaters this week. I’m quite a bit behind my stretch schedule which has me finishing the beginning of August although not too far behind my my conservative schedule which has me finishing the end of September.  A few more weeks and we’ll see if I’m giong to meet the stretch schedule.

    A lot of these first seven chapters are the same scenes as from before. Well, the same idea. But because enough has changed in the situations and because I’m writing some of the scenes from different points of view I have to rewrite them. So while I hope to catch up with some copy and paste from the last draft, I just am unable to do that here. 

    Visualize –> Report

    I thought I’d share one of my key methods for writing scenes. Here’s what I’ve found: when I can visualize the scene, it’s fairly easy to tell the reader what’s going on and to structure it in a way that achieves my purposes. When I can’t visualize it, I have nothing to tell. So for me the first thing I have to do is to see what’s going on. Then I can report as if I were there. Or if it’s from a more deep point of view penetration, I can report from my character’s eyes.

    So the sequence is to visualize (do the things that help me get that visual, feel, sound, etc.) then report in a way that will transport the reader and present the things I feel I need to present because they’re cool or because I want to generate a specific effect. 

    This is why I use the sketch/draft method. I sketch things out to get an idea of what’s going on first. Sure, I’ll discover details as I write. I’ll sometimes realize my first idea was off or wrong or won’t work. But if I don’t have an idea in the first place, I simply can’t write. It’s all a blank screen. One of the biggest causes of writer’s block is simply a lack of invention–of not having anything to write about because nothing’s in the mind of the writer.

    First have something to say. Then say it.

    Of course, you have to come up with the scenes in your mind before you have something to say. That takes some exploratory drafting, sketching, creative Q&A. You can see Orson Card doing some takes here in his writing lesson “Beginnings“, trying to help flesh it out in his mind. 

    The main tool I use to sketch is the summary–a bullet point or chapter outline like a posted about last week. However, sometimes it’s not enough. Sometimes I need an actual map to block out who does what and where. This week, for example, I was writing about Sugar coming into a village. She needed to enter then encounter some dead bodies.  I spent something like 45 minutes typing hardly anything and then realized-duh!-I don’t know what’s going on, where she’s going, why. I can’t see this place at all. I needed helping visualizing it first, not in super detail, but enough so I could report.

    So I took five minutes to sketch a simple map of the village, where she was when she entered, and where she was going, what was likely in the yards, the fences, etc. Once I saw it, I could then report, just tell what I saw as plainly as I could to the reader. I know these scenes fairly well, this being the FOURTH FREAKING DRAFT of this novel. And yet I’ve had to do some drawing for two scenes so far (the other drawing was for an ambush that wasn’t in the last draft). Because again, things had changed. And I had to see it before I could report it.

    Other tools that help me visualize and hear are actual photographs of things or people. Or audio of people’s voices. I was struggling getting a character in my mind for my short story LOOSE IN THE WIRES. I was listening at the time to Susan Grafton’s O IS FOR OUTLAW and when the actor performed this one character, suddenly I HEARD it. Boom, the guy came alive in my mind. Once alive there it was relatively easy to put him down on paper. Again, I was just relaying it to the reader.

    So I believe that what a writer must do is bring the situation to life in his or her mind first. It won’t be everything in exact detail. There’s a lot to be discovered in the writing. But it will be enough that it will feel like you’re simply telling something you saw or experienced.

    Scene Goals

    While writing, of course, I have objectives for my scenes. Sometimes I’ll do exploratory drafts, not having any goal except to see what happens and invent something cool. But that’s usually in my pre-draft stage. At this point I have a rough idea of where the story is going to go. I’ve already done a lot of the inventing. Now I have to translate it to scenes. And so I find having a quick list of objectives for the scene, along with my brief summary of what I’m expecting to happen, helps me visualize as well.

    Here are two examples of what a list of scene goals might look like for me.  These were for two scenes in draft 3 of CURSE.

    Example 1:

    • This is the time for her to make her HEROIC CHOICE. I want a heroic moment.
    • Terror of Legs being lost
    • Legs seeing her for the first time the next morning—he IS going to experiment because Urban is gone. Does he give something to her, his weave, twisted—Flax helped me.
    • Some tenderness
    • Last time with Mistress until the final battle

    Example 2:

    • Skir battle coolness. Need some surprises
      • Ayten dragging off souls
        • Sees it below on the ship
      • Seafire
      • What cool skir thing could there be?
        • Whirlwind
        • What would happen if a skir dived?
        • Some missiles, stones in the wind
        • First sight of that. She ship has slingers etc.
    • Sugar having to choose to leave people, see the beginnings of harvest
    • Oh Crap moment at end—this is going to be bad
    • This is the setup for the next scene where She and  Urban are spying and after the assessment, he says, we need to go. And she’s in indecision, and he says I will wait until, and then I will leave.

    They’re fairly simple.  Of course, I have other goals in mind that I don’t need to write down–“start and end with a hook,” or a rest, depending. “Transport the reader might be another,” meaning make sure I use what I know about presenting details. Another might be “bring the character on in an interesting way.” And because I generally know the big picture of what’s going to happen, I can focus on these other details as I write.

    Research: Monster Zing & Visualize Method

    Research is also a monster method for visualizing and for zing. I can’t tell you how much it has helped me in the past and on my current projects. In the thriller I’m working on where the main character is ex Special Forces, I could barely visualize anything. Some I’m reading books about it and talking to people who are in Special Forces and watching films about it. There’s no way I could build a story I cared about and believed in without research. I’m going to be doing a ride along with a cop, visit our state prison, and maybe talk to some ex-cons for this as well.

    Tim Powers came to the Writer’s of the Future workshop I attended many years ago. He talked about many things. But research was one of them. In fact, one of the idea generating methods discussed in the workshop, one on which Hubbard himself had written a fine article that we read called “Search for Research” (click the Next or Continued link at the bottom to continue through all the pages of the essay), was about the power of research. So Powers recently did an interview about the latest Johnny Depp Pirates release , which is inspired by his book of the same title (which I read and loved), and restated what he did so many years ago:

    Q: What inspired you to write On Stranger Tides?
    A: I was already hooked into using real historical places for settings. And so I thought, you know you loved Treasure Island…And I thought I bet you can set a nice fantasy story in among the pirates, Black Beard, that crowd. So I read a million books (that is probably fifteen books) about that particular crowd of pirates that were in the Caribbean in 1718 like Stede Bonnet, Black Beard, and Anne Bonny.

    What I always do when I’m writing a book is first I read all the history and biographies and things like that that I can find. And I look for stuff that’s too cool not to use. ‘Ooh that’s neat. Look at that. I like that.’ And I’ll write it down. And then I’ll find something else and say, ‘Oh wow this is great. You got to have a scene happening in this place. Oh you gotta use this guy.’ Eventually, I’ll have twenty or thirty things that are too cool not to use. And it’s kind of fun then because you say, ‘Well okay, here’s twenty or thirty parts of your book. You just have to connect the dots.’ And so I thought, ‘Ok, what was Black Beard really up to?’

    So to sum up.

    1. Visualize, then report.  That’s what I’ve found I have to do. It makes it so much easier to write when I have a picture in my mind.
    2. Scene goals help me visualize the scene and what needs to happen.
    3. Research is a huge tool for helping me find zing and to visualize and invent something I can visualize. 
    4. The Sketch/Draft process (I explained it in last week’s post and in the interview with Maya Lassiter) is another work horse of a tool for helping me visualize and invent by degrees.
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  • | |

    One of Orson Card’s best essays

    Scott Card recently wrote “Marriage needs lots of humor.” It’s an awful title for one of the best articles of his that I’ve ever read.

    I’m not going to spoil it for you. But I will say that I’ve found that it’s the small things that seem to make the biggest difference in relationships. And this is one of those small things that packs a HUGE punch. But not until this article did I realize it.

    And for you writers who are wanting insights on what makes characters interesting and sympathetic–there’s a little treasure trove here for you as well.

    Enjoy!

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15 Comments

  1. Awesome post! Just awesome.

    I really hope that you’re planning on turning all of this into a book when you’re through. These posts are informative, brief, and get right to the center of the parts of the craft that people really have to study and practice to improve.

    I’ve been taking all your posts and trying to practice what you’re preaching in the two projects I’m working on now, and I’m definitely seeing results. My wife, who hates the one story (she’s far far from the target audience), has reluctantly admitted that she can see a drastic improvement from the stories I wrote previous to practicing these things. Thanks, John!

  2. Was going to add cast variety to another post in the series but decided it went best here. That’s been added.

  3. I really appreciate these posts. Your presentation at LTUE earlier this year gave me the biggest boost I’ve ever had, and I’ve found that all your advice just makes so much sense. It makes me excited to write.

  4. Wow, this post is crazy thorough! Awesome piece, John! I can’t wait for Part 3 (if there is one)

  5. Jenga,

    Glad it’s helpful. Part 3 IS coming. See the On Writing section for a list of all planned in this series.

  6. Thank you for this post, John. Your insights on writing are always amazingly useful. I’ve learned more about the art of writing from your LTUE video and blog posts than I’ve learned from any half a dozen how-to-write books.

    If I didn’t want to see more of your fiction, I would cast my vote to see you write a how-to book of your own. I’d buy one in a heartbeat.

  7. Dannyboy,

    Good. Some day there will be a how to. Or a series of more useful videos. But I’m thinking I’ll have a much better and more useful perspective after book 8 or 9 than I will now. So I’ll share what I know and learn as I go until that time. Keep writing!

  8. Nice instruction John. Keep up the good work. I refer people to your site all the time just because of your tight focus on principals of story telling.

  9. Yeah, I appreciated the simplicity at which you approach story telling. It reminds me of a quote which says “Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication” (Leonardo de Vinci, in John Cook, comp., The Book of Positive Quatations, 2nd Ed. (1993), 262).

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