What changed in the author’s cut of SERVANT?

Because a number of folks have emailed or posted asking this question, I figured I should address it in a post.

This edit of SERVANT was signficant, but it involved mostly line edits, copy edits, resequencing, and one important adjustment and addition.

Line edits are things that make individual sentences or paragraphs read more clearly. I made line edits to almost every page. I think most readers won’t notice these. But then that’s the point.

Copy edits catch small things like typos and misspellings. There were a number of maddening copy issues that were introduced into the manuscript in the publisher’s version and others that weren’t flagged. I fixed a number of these and then had two copy editors read over the manuscript to find more. No book is perfect. I’m sure there are still some gremlins lurking in the text. But we caught a lot of the little buggers. 

Resequencing is moving chapters or sections around and does affect the experience. The biggest resequence was switching the first eight chapters back to the original order I intended. This is an important change and will have a large effect on the reader for the first quarter of the book. Then there were three other smaller sections inside the story that needed to be moved around to make the chronology clearer and improve the suspense.

The line, copy, and resequencing edits make up the bulk of the edits. But I did adjust and add a short section to the ending immediately after the climax to clarify a few things that should have been revealed in the first version and that lead into book two.

What does this all mean?

It means that while this is a superior version of the tale, the base story remains the same. I care about the stories of Sugar, Talen, Argoth, Hunger, and the dilemmas they face. So I did not change their tales. However, I did significantly change the experience of those tales for the reader.

If you have already read SERVANT, you know everything that happens. However, you will want to get a hold of a copy of the new version to review the updated ending for the new information it includes.  To avoid spoilers and confusion, I will not be releasing the ending in a separate document. But if you sign up for my release notification, I’ll let you know when I have my release sale so you can get it cheap. 

One final note. Because I feel this is a superior version of the story, and because I do not want readers to be confused about which version to read, I’m releasing it with a different title and different cover art. It will be called “Servant” and include the series label “The Dark God Book 1.” 

I think readers are going to be very pleased with this version. I know I am. And then we can move on to “Curse,” the next in the series, followed by “Glory.”

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  • Poisoned Pen, Concealed Carriers, and Crazies

    Just got back from a wonderful trip with Larry Correia down to Phoenix. We did 2 signings and hit 23 bookstores in 1.5 days. Our new zipcode map GPS method rocks! Have three interesting things to report.

    First, we have a great time at The Poisoned Pen, an independent bookstore in Scottsdale. Lori and the other two guys whose names I forgot (doh!) were wonderful hosts. We talked about our books, fielded questions, and then signed. Had a great time. A lot of laughing and good stories shared. If you’re ever in their area, you should stop by and check out the store.

    It was also nice meeting Valerie Moore, a reader I met on Twitter, who makes her own beads. Cool thing is–she’s doing a new design inspired by the book called “The Grove.” Can’t wait to see what it looks like.

    I also need to comment on Mysterious Galaxy, the store we went to in San Diego. Patrick and his crew were also wonderful hosts. This is also the first bookstore I’ve been into dedicated to science fiction and fantasy. The folks who showed up were hard core fans. We loved it. I hope I get to go back again and again.

    BTW, anyone wanting to pick up signed copies can get them at either place while they last. I believe both stores do a lot of mail business as well.

    Another comment along these lines. We noticed a dramatic difference between stores. Larry and I both agreed that the Barnes & Noble (Bookstar, which is a B&N store as well) and the independent stores (Poisoned Pen, Mysterious Galaxy) consistently showed the best customer service. They also consistently showed the most business sense. Kudos to them.  

    Second, Larry had a bunch of gun owner friends show up to the signing and then invite us out to dinner the next night. We had a great time. Polite, good-natured, and fun. Of course, a number of them were carrying concealed weapons. And I’ll tell you what–never felt safer in my life.  Now, I know some people are going to say, hey, that’s just an accident waiting to happen and if any bad dudes show up you’re just more likely to get shot or have the gun stolen.

    Um.

    No.

    These guys don’t just carry weapons. These guys live and breathe weapons. They customize guns. They shoot them and train with them in competitions. These guys know guns like I know my keyboard. I wish I could have remembered all their names–Chris, Hiram, Mark, the dude with the Hooters wife, and the other dude who drives for an armored truck company (and wears a kilt!), and about five others.

    Thanks to Chris for a great dinner at Famous Dave’s!

    I wish I could post pictures. I promised myself I take a camera on this trip. Dang it. Denver. I shall document Denver.

    Finally,  I have to write about a guy in the Mesa Barnes & Noble where we were holding our informal signing. We were in the cafe. My great sister had brought rum cake muffins and everyone who came was eating them and talking. One of them asked me how I got the idea. So I told them the cow story and about the idea of humans being ranched for their souls. And just after I finished this a guy who had been reading behind us, a B&N customer, stands up and says, “Your book it true! Your book is true!” He had a beard and was all bug-eyed.

    At first I thought he was joking.

    Nope.

    He said lizard men were ranching humans and I needed to read book xyz by author abc. Later he told my sister that the Bible showed they’ve interbred with humans and are taking our souls.

    Lizard men… and all this time I thought it was the socialists that were going to get us.

    Larry and I had talked earlier in the day about the demographics of our audiences. His audience was easy–red-state conservatives, military folks, & gun nuts. I expressed my trouble finding an easily identifiable demographic tag for my readers. But now I know–I got the crazies. 😛

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  • Writing update: Servant proofs & cover, Curse battle finished, events

    Two bits of news about Servant of a Dark God. I received the proofs for the paperback version in the mail this week as you see below. The cat is used because he deserves a cameo. This is Panther giving us either his “Sigh, whatever, I’ll submit to your weird human ways” or “Umm, scratches” looks. He’s the last of the original eleven cats we inherited when we moved to Laketown back in 2003 (nine of them were black, one was a gray tabby, another a sort of tortoise color). Dutchess, the one who liked to tear open our bread bags while we weren’t looking and eat the bread, got run over. Three others, including our talker Tabby, we think were stolen by a woman looking for “stray” cats because, golly, the rattlers keep getting all hers. Ours were obviously strays because we live in 2.5 acres surrounds by dozens and dozens of acres of open land around us and we let them roam the hills! A few were shot, we think, by a kid who came to visit his grandfather who lived 1/2 a mile down the road. We think coyotes might have gotten the rest. So Panther is the last survivor. 7 years old. We love the old man.

    I have just a few days to go through the proofs and find any typos and punctuation errors and get it back. The paperback version is scheduled right now to be released in November. And here’s the cover the publisher is using on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. You can see the difference between it and the hardcover by comparing it to the image in the sidebar.

    *

    As for Curse of a Dark God, I typed the last word of the final battle and climax on Saturday. As it now stands, the final battle required 34,429 words to write. Holy schnitzel! Again, many adult novels average around 90,000 – 110,000 words total. So this is a significant sequence. For those of you who like to think in pages, it’s going to be anywhere from 100 – 140 pages depending on how the publisher configures the book. I have one more short chapter to write and the draft is finished. Well, I have a few things to seed into earlier chapters so that the ending etc. works, but that’s small stuff. The next step is to have a few readers go through this draft. Make any necessary edits. Then get it out to my agent as quickly as possible. Once my editor accepts it, we’ll be able to set a release date. And I might feel the sword of editoral doom lift just a little from my head.

    *

    Finally, just wanted to give folks a heads up about the following events I’ve committed to.

    Date What Area Details
    Saturday, September 18, 1-4 PM Book signing Orem, UT The Orem, UT Barnes & Noble is having an authorpalooza. Come meet a boatload of authors.More details here: http://store-locator.barnesandnoble.com/store/2626 University Crossings Barnes & Noble
    330 East 1300 South
    Orem, UT 84058
    801-229-1611
    Saturday, October 9, 2010, all day Writers conference American Fork, UT The American Fork Arts Council writers workshops have become so popular that they’ve decided to start holding one conference in the spring and one in the fall. These conferences focus on giving concrete advice and encouragement to aspiring writers. I’ll be giving a keynote speech and participating in some breakout sessions. I was really happy to be invited back since I had to bow out of the last one two days before it was scheduled to run because of a death in the family.
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  • Larry Correia & The Monster Hunter Nation

    Gotta love this. I just got back from the dermatologist’s. Yesterday it was determined that the thing growing on the side of my nose was not an alien (darn it!) but a squamous cell carcinoma. So the Doc had his rat chew the thing off my face today. He showed me my nose in a mirror so he could explain how he couldn’t just sew up the hole because that would create a pucker. Instead, he needed to cut all the way up the bridge of my nose and then all the way down along the edge of my nostril to make an L-shaped skin flap that he could then stitch up so it would heal all nice and pretty. As he was explaining, I got a good look at the gaping bloody hole–it was the size of your pinky nail, folks. He also told me stories of his time in Russia. His medical assistant told me one of her husband’s run-in with the mafia in Milan. A good time was had all around. Then 30 or so stitches later I came home and found that Larry Correia was up to no good again: Let’s Book Bomb the Hell out of John Brown

    So the paperback of SERVANT OF A DARK GOD, which releases in two weeks on November 2nd, started off ranked #220,997 on Amazon. I just checked the rank. As of 2:22 pm we’re at #5,686. Can’t wait to see where this goes today.

    Whatever happens, I think I’m going to end up owing Larry and the Monster Hunters some ballistic tip bullets and hand grenades.

    EDIT: it’s 3:29 am on Wednesday, October 20th. Just dragged my sleepy hiney back from doing recordings with the Writing Excuses team in American Fork (they’ll publish in November). And lo, the Monster Hunter Nation did bomb the book, and it did rise in rank until it did verily hit an Amazon bestseller list.

    Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #3,068 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

    #65 in  Books > Science Fiction & Fantasy > Fantasy > Epic

    It reached this point sometime while I was on the road. As of right now Servant is:

    Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #3,394 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

    #88 in  Books > Science Fiction & Fantasy > Fantasy > Epic

    And so it was written that the Monster Hunter Nation was awesome to behold. It’s hand grenades for sure.

    EDIT: Here we go. Day 2 9:50 am.

    Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #3,568 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

    #85 in  Books > Science Fiction & Fantasy > Fantasy > Epic

    EDIT: end of day 2.

    Amazon Bestsellers Rank: #4,776 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)

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  • Behold, the Opening Chapters of CURSE OF A DARK GOD

    For your reading pleasure, I have posted the current version of the first 12 chapters of Curse of a Dark God below. (And there was much rejoicing, yea.)

    Read and enjoy!

    CURSE OF A DARK GOD draft 3 chapters 1-12 reader 

    Note: these are draft chapters and may change in the final version.

    If you would like to be part of a test audience, please open the document and begin reading just as you would any book that you picked up because it looked interesting. Stop where you normally would. Then email me by clicking on the Contact John link under my photo up on the left. I’ll send you a couple of questions. Please make sure you don’t ask for the questions before you’ve given the bit above a go (I don’t want the questions to affect your reading). Also, don’t put any critique hat on. Just read as you normally would. 🙂 The deadline for test audience responses is January 15th.

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  • |

    Testicles and the Zing Life

    Diana Rowland of MagicDistrict.wordpress.com invited me to guest blog. I was happy to provide “Testicles and the Zing Life.”

    Testicles do not taste like chicken.

    I know this thing. At least the ones taken from cattle don’t. But this Nobel prize-winning discovery is not what’s important. What’s important is why I know this. Read more.

    Enjoy!

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  • Another positive review of Servant of a Dark God: Fantasy Debut

    Tia Nevitt writes the Fantasy Debut blog where she reviews “All Debut Fantasy . . . (almost) All the Time.” She’s posted a review of Servant of a Dark God that points out some interesting differences between this epic fantasy and others. She is also one for whom the family aspect of the story resonated. In fact, she’s the first that’s really highlighted it. She has an interview with me coming out later this week where I discuss that aspect of the novel. Finally, I really like how she captured one of the core issues of the story below. I wish she’d been there when I was sending my queries off to agents and editors 🙂

    Servant of a Dark God by John Brown is one of those novels that I pick up with some reluctance, not really thinking it’s for me, but then I end up enjoying it thoroughly.

    Mr. Brown has taken a very different approach with Servant of a Dark God. This is an epic fantasy that does not involve epic journeys, recent calamities or long-term character arcs. It does involve long-term lies; the kind of lies that are told over such a long period of time that they are thought of as truths. Full review of Servant of a Dark God. 

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5 Comments

  1. I just reread your Calendar section, and it has this line:

    “CURSE (The Dark God book 2) – Late November, 2013 (I’d like to make it Halloween for the fun of it, but we’ll see)”

    Am I correct to assume that Halloween comment no longer applies? There is almost a one-month gap between Halloween and “Late November”.

  2. Yes, Halloween no longer applies. Thanks for the catch. And the CURSE edit is indeed at 2%.

  3. CURSE is now at 15% I see progress! (I’ve been waiting a long, long time for that book…)

    By the way, at one time (a long time ago) you posted that CURSE was done, but then you were told you needed to shorten it and I guess you worked on that.

    Which version are you working on now that you are self-publishing? Is it closer to the first, longer version (I hope)?

  4. John,

    So glad to hear you’re chomping at the bit 🙂

    The edit is at 22% now.

    Three versions of CURSE were written. The first two were 230k and 245k words long. This version is currently 185k long and will probably end up being closer to 190-195k. For reference, SERVANT is 184k. Normal novels are anywhere from 80k-120k. So it’s still a BIG book.

    The neat thing now is that after book 3, if I want, we can still explore more in this world.

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