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Camille Paglia, Word Ninja

I think I must disagree with half of everything Paglia says (I’m a Republican, she’s a Democrat). But when you can write like a kung fu master, you have to be read:

Advanced whack-a-mole is clearly needed for that yammering smarty-pants Newt Gingrich, who is always so very, very pleased with himself but has yet to produce a single enduring thought.

Holy schnitzel, that’s what words are for. I’m still laughing and nodding my head. Can I be Camille for a while?

The fact is while Paglia is clearly liberal, she’s not a party lemming. This is one of the things that is so refreshing about her. She’s not afraid to call ’em as she sees them, even if that means roasting her own party or praising the other.

More here: Too late for Obama to turn it around? Plus: The left’s visionaries lost their bearings on drugs — but the GOP is led by losers

And here: Paglia page.

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  • Good Stuff: Poldark, Monk, and the cure for dragon feet

    For all of you longing for just one more season of Downton Abbey, I’ve found a new series from the BBC I think you’ll enjoy (thank you Duane Robinson for the recommendation).

    It’s called Poldark and is set in the late 1700s in Cornwall, that little southwestern leg of England that juts out into the Atlantic. The dark-haired and handsome Ross Poldark returns to England after having fought in the American War of Independence and finds that his father has died, and he’s inherited the estate. Except the estate is in ruins.

    The house, which is a long way from being anything grand, is a mess and being inhabited by the deceased father’s last two servants. A man and a wife who are equal parts louts and lushes. The land isn’t producing. The mine is closed. And Poldark has very little money.

    By the way, when we think of British aristocracy, we most often think of dances and fine clothing and large tracts of lands. We seldom think of mines. But Cornwall has been mining tin for a very long time, and so were its lords. In fact, Cornwall was known outside of the Isles anciently, and some historians suggest that Cornwall was probably selling tin to the seafaring Greeks and Phoenicians many hundreds of years B.C.

    So our young and handsome lord has come home to a mess and very little money. But he immediately sets about trying to repair things. And what unfolds is a wonderful story with love, action, humor, injustice, and villains plotting Poldark’s downfall.

    We loved Downton in part for the refinement and high society (and Lady Grantham’s hilarious one-liners). However, Poldark isn’t about the top of the aristocracy. It’s about a man almost at the bottom. And many of those of the lower class who are his friends. There’s a refreshing earthiness about it even while you still have scenes of the high society and all that goes with it.

    We just finished the first season and are hooked. In fact, I stood up and cheered at the end of the last episode we watched. So if you love English historicals, you’re going to enjoy Polkdark.

    *

    The humorous detective series Monk debuted in 2002 and ran for eight seasons. It was a huge hit. But because I’m a cave dweller I didn’t get to it until now. But, boy, I’m happy I did.

    If you haven’t seen it yet, you’re in for a treat. Monk is one of those brilliant detectives like Patrick Jane in The Mentalist or Sherlock Holmes who sees all sorts of details that so many others miss. But unlike those guys, Monk has obsessive-compulsive disorder plus a number of phobias.

    And so he can’t just walk in and stun everyone with his brilliance because at any moment he might get sidetracked straightening pictures or moving lamps or trying to avoid germs. In one funny scene he’s being chased on foot by someone intent on killing him, and he can’t help but touch the poles as he runs by. However, he’s not all helpless because he’s hired a female nurse, Sharona Fleming, to help him. And the interaction between the two of them adds another enjoyable dimension.

    And so you get to experience all the awe of watching someone like Sherlock solve crimes plus laugh along the way. I couldn’t help but laugh out loud during a number of episodes.

    If you like The Mentalist, Elementary, or Psych, I think you’ll really enjoy Monk.

    *

    This last review is for all of you who have dragon feet.

    That’s what I had until two months ago. Dry dragon feet. So dry and with such sharp and jagged calluses that I regularly wore the area on my sheets around my feet to shreds. Nellie’s side of the sheets were nice and smooth. My side, after a year or two, looked like the dog had attacked it.

    The calluses were so bad I periodically sanded them off with 400 grit sandpaper.

    I also got stress cracks in the winter, which I tried to heal with band-aides and Neosporin. And that worked a decade ago. But the stress cracks were just getting more frequent and longer-lasting. This last winter I had three that stayed for weeks and weeks.

    And so when I went into my dermatologist for my annual skin cancer check, I asked him if there was anything to be done. He said, “Get CeraVe cream with SA, salicylic acid. It has to have SA.”


    After the appointment, I promptly drove to Walmart and walked down to the cosmetic aisle and purchased a little tub of CeraVe Renewing SA Cream. And I began to use it that night, putting socks on after I applied it. I applied it every morning and night.

    And, miracle of miracles, a few weeks later my feet were normal human feet again. The calluses were gone. The stress cracks gone. The pain gone. My sheets love me. My wife loves me. I’m saving money on sand paper.

    Folks, if you have dragon feet and want to be human again, let me suggest CeraVe with SA.

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  • |

    Generating Story 1: Can You Create a Redneck Crapper?

    Bugatti Veyron Super Sports $2,400,000

    Almost everyone reading this knows what they like in a car. We know what we want a car to do. We can talk about acceleration, voom-voom styling, and handling. Some of us could talk about how engines and transmissions and tires all work together to create those things. We could get really technical.

    But how many of us could then go manufacture a tire? Or the paint we’re going to put on the car? How about a windshield?

    No?

    Well, what about one little bolt? Just a little bolt. Can you do it?

    There’s a difference between knowing what a thing is supposed to do, how it works, and actually building it. A lot of people can talk about the first two topics and have no idea at all about the third.

    It’s the same with stories.

    There are three things we have to learn to write killer stories.

    1. What a story is supposed to do.
    2. How the 5 parts of story—character, setting, problem, plot, and text–do that
    3. How to come up with and develop a story idea in the first place

    We authors talk a lot about the second thing. You have books and blogs galore on dialogue, plot, characters, structure, grammar, world-building, setting—you name it. Heck, the big series I wrote last year about the key conditions for reader suspense was all about how story works.

    Some of us talk about the first thing. And really there’s no point in blathering on about the how-to’s if we don’t know the what-for’s, which is why I tried to highlight one of the core what-for’s in my series on suspense.

    But as important as those two things are, none of it matters if we don’t know how to put it to use. We’re not reviewers or editors. We’re creators. We’re writers—the ones that invent the story in the first place. And let me tell you, knowing how a story works and how to invent one are two very different things.  

    I didn’t know the principles of invention when I was first starting out. And that gap in my knowledge was one of the things that held me back for years. In fact, I almost gave up my dream of writing stories because of it.

    Very early in my attempts to start a career I wrote a story that won an award and $2,000. I was flown out to Cocoa Beach, Florida for a week-long workshop with amazing pros. Was published. And then I went home, finished another story (yea!), and proceeded not be able to finish another thing for five years.

    Five years.

    FIVE. YEARS!

    And I tried.

    After five years of failure you begin to wonder if maybe you didn’t get the wrong memo (what am I doing at this empty warehouse?). Your family begins to wonder that as well. You realize life is short and there are a lot of other things you could be spending your time on. You begin to think that only an idiot would spend more time on this. And you’d probably be right.

    Unless, of course, you realize that what’s keeping you back isn’t a manifestation of cosmic will. Rather, it’s just a lack of understanding.

    That’s what happened in my case. Just a few days before I gave up on all my dreams, the light was turned on for me. I learned some key, but simple, principles of invention that I hadn’t known. You can read the whole story here. After I learned these principles, my production took off like a rocket.

    And so what I want to do in this series is share those principles with you. Hopefully, this will unleash your abilities. You might find a huge audience for your stories. You might find only the family dog will stick around to listen to them. The popularity of your stories is a separate matter. But you can’t even find out how big your audience will be if you don’t know how to finish.

    So let’s start. A lot of people think that creativity is about passion. When they think of creativity, they think of someone like this.

    Look at him. Brushed velvet jacket. Beard. Rakish devil-may-care hair. And that gaze. Look at that gaze! It’s full of passion. It’s coming off him in waves. In fact, we all know his inner world is a vast tempestuous sea of passion that sends ideas crashing in great surges onto the rocky beaches of his soul. And those earthly forces cannot be contained. No, he must write them, write them, write them. That’s the face of a man who will channel fire onto the written page because if he didn’t, he would surely burn.

    Or maybe not.

    Maybe creativity is about being like this guy.

      

    Hello, Malcolm Gladwell. Look at him. There are so many ideas in that great blaze of brains they trip over themselves trying to get out. There are so many they kinked his hair with their electric heat. Oh, fecund mind!

    Or maybe not.

    Maybe creativity is all a function of being blessed.

     

    Or maybe it’s about alcohol (or some other chemical). After all, isn’t that how Ernest Hemmingway did it?

    Booze Makes Ernie Reel Smart

    Or it’s about being mentally unstable.

    Or it’s about having the right personality type. I remember the day of woe when I learned that I was an ENFJ but that the “natural” writers were all ISFPs!

    Alas, me being a blockhead was all scientific

    Or it’s about being eccentric.

    Patrick Rothfuss shows us the key is crazy beardage and an Alice in Wonderland chair

    Or it’s none of that. It’s about being born to it.

    I wrote my first novel when I was six

    Right? All of those things are what creativity is about. And if, as so clearly demonstrated by those pictures, you don’t have passionate hair, well then, forget about it. Except here’s Larry Correia, a New York Times bestseller, who has no passionate hair whatsoever.

    I keep guns in my basement

    Huh?!

    How could that be?

    Here’s how. All those ideas above about creativity–they’re rubbish. Creativity has nothing to do with passion or hair or whether you wear Argyle socks.

    Nothing.

    Let me show you the face of creativity.

    That is Warren Ellis. Warren is my brother-in-law, except when he’s not (do not ask me to explain this). One day our fridge started to drip. The freezer would cycle through its normal thawing, and all the water would drip down into the fridge and soak up our egg cartons and pool in the vegetable crispers. It was a mess.

    We defrosted the freezer we weren’t supposed to ever have to defrost, but the problem persisted. So we called Warren because he fixes things.

    Warren came to our house, looked the fridge over. He declared that the freezer’s drain tube was plugged. We thought up a few ideas for cleaning it out, none of which were any good, then Warren asked if we had an air compressor. We did and hauled it in.

    Warren plugged it in, let it build up the pressure, and then held the compressor nozzle to the bottom end of the tube. The compressed air went in. The obstruction flew up and out and landed on the counter. The obstruction was a fat fly that had crawled in there, gotten stuck, and died.

    We poured a quart of water into that freezer, and it all flowed down into the catch pan at the bottom. Warren fixed our freezer with an air compressor.

    Folks, that is creativity.

    What did Warren have? He didn’t have passionate hair; I can tell you that. No. He had an objective. He knew basically how fridges worked. And he came up with a couple of options to fix the issue.

    Let’s look at another example. Here’s Ed Smylie.

    Ed was like Warren. He ran into some problems. Actually, the astronauts in Apollo 13 ran into some problems. Ed was tasked to help solve them.  One of those problems was the fact that the astronauts were running out of air.

    Ed and the others designed the solution in two days. The ground crew relayed the instructions to the flight crew. The lunar module’s CO2 scrubbers started working again, saving the lives of the three astronauts on board.  Of the experience, Ed said that he knew the problem was solvable when it was confirmed that duct tape was on the spacecraft. “I felt like we were home free”, he said. “One thing a Southern boy will never say is: I don’t think duct tape will fix it.”

    Ed and his crew saved the day. The made a round peg fit into a square hole. How did he come up with such a creative solution?  

    Ed had an objective. He knew how the CO2 scrubbers and the shuttle worked. He knew about duct tape. He came up with options.

    Let’s look at a few more examples of this. I know you’ve seen some of these.

     

    That is creativity. So is this.

     

    And this . . .

     

    And this . . .

    Or this, if you don’t need to go so fast . . .

    Smaller size, for trolling

    And this . . .

    And this, which is officially called a Bumper Dumper . . .

    Do you really want to dig?

     These fine folks had a goal. They knew the basics of how things worked. They came up with some solutions.

    That’s all there is to creativity. Three things. You need to have an idea of what you’re trying to do. You need to have a basic knowledge of how things work. And you have to know how to come up with some solutions to meet your objective. 

    Not so mystical, is it?

    But I can hear some of you complaining. Writing is different. It’s a whole other world. It’s Fiction, which is so significant we must capitalize it. It’s passion. It IS mystical. This is a matter of the heart. It’s not a fridge or space ship or some dumb hotdog roast. You cannot compare these things.

    Except I can because they’re the same. It doesn’t matter if you’re trying to invent a different recipe like the folks at Cook’s Illustrated, or decorate your house, or come up with a way to keep the squirrels out of your bird feeders, or make people weep in a movie theater.

    What I’ve found is that when we have troubles coming up with ideas, we probably don’t know what our objectives are. Or we probably lack some understanding of how fiction works. Or we don’t know the principles of generating options.

    And so we conclude it’s a mystery. It’s arcane lore.

    But it just ain’t so. Can you create a redneck toilet? Then you can write a story.

    Now, it’s true that a lot of people feel their way through this. They don’t know what they’re doing, but they do it. I did that. Remember: I won an award. But then I couldn’t repeat it. Couldn’t find that groove I’d stumbled into.

    I don’t want to stumble around hoping to get lucky. I want to make a living at this. And if I’m going to make a living, I need to produce. Regularly. I can’t be bumbling around, hoping to create something by accident.

    The good news is that we don’t have to create by accident.  We can create on purpose. There are principles to invention. When we learn them, our productivity will shoot through the roof.

    Finding a solution to Apollo 13’s issues might seem impossible to us. But they weren’t impossible to Ed Smylie because Ed had an objective; he knew how things worked up there; and knew how to come up with options.

    My intent is that when you finish this series, you’ll know what Ed Smylie knew, except for stories.

    For more in this series, see How to Get and Develop Story Ideas

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  • Top 200 YA Authors of 2010

    On Thursday I posted the top 200 YA  novels of 2010. Today I’m happy to share the top 200 authors. You might be wondering: if we already have a top 200, why post this? Because yesterday was about individual titles. Today’s post is about authors. Some authors might not have any books that are checked out in huge numbers. But because they have a lot of books available, the numbers of checkouts they do have add up. Yesterday’s list showed you the volume for individual books. Today’s list shows you the volume for each author. You’ll see it does result in a different ranking.

    This list is based on the same dataset as the previous list. And so while I can’t claim it represents the top YA authors for the whole United States, it does show who is being read in this neck of the woods. It’s a great list for those wanting to find YA authors to try.  Please be aware that these are YA books as defined by the library, which takes its cue from places like Booklist and School Library Journal. Other books like the first three Harry Potters, Brandon Mull’s Fablehaven series, and some of Dashner’s stuff are considered Middle Grade and so do not appear on this list. Later, I might do a combined list.

    There were 1,283 authors on the list. “Times Checked Out” is the sum of all the times any of the author’s books were checked out. “Number of Titles” is the number of different titles the author has that were checked out. “Avg Check Outs per Title” is the average number of times each title was checked out. “%” is percentage of total checkouts. Rank is rank. Another way to sort this would be by the Avg Check Outs per Title to see who’s getting the highest number of readers per book. But I’ll let you fiddle with that on your own. Again, I’m very happy to see a number of Utahans on the list. Kudos to the following (ranking in parentheses):

    • Stephenie Meyer (4)
    • Shannon Hale (5)
    • Jessica Day George (10)
    • Chris Heimerdinger (18)
    • Jack Weyland (38)
    • Lisa Mangum (55)
    • Mette Ivie Harrison (56)
    • Aprilynne Pike (71)
    • Brandon Sanderson (73)
    • Ally Condie (82)
    • James Dashner (94)
    • Bree Despain (110)

    EDIT: 1/15/2011 12:57 AM. Okay, okay here’s the list by average checkout: Top 200 YA Authors of 2010, Part 2. A number of people drop off, new names appear, and positions shuffle.

    EDIT: 1/16/2011 9:32 AM: Informed that Bree Despain is also a Utah author.

    The List

    Author Times Checked Out Number of Titles Avg Check Outs per Title % Rank
    Rick Riordan 989 8 124 2.68% 1
    Suzanne Collins 888 3 296 2.98% 2
    Tamora Pierce 634 26 24 1.60% 3
    Stephenie Meyer 529 5 106 1.56% 4
    Shannon Hale 517 6 86 0.96% 5
    John Flanagan 413 9 46 0.93% 6
    Meg Cabot 396 37 11 0.58% 7
    P.C. Cast and Kristin Cast 393 7 56 0.37% 8
    Scott Westerfeld 354 12 30 1.19% 9
    Jessica Day George 328 6 55 0.99% 10
    D.J. MacHale 328 15 22 0.32% 11
    L.J. Smith 326 22 15 0.15% 12
    J.K. Rowling 318 4 80 0.30% 13
    Darren Shan 313 24 13 0.14% 14
    Cassandra Clare 309 4 77 1.25% 15
    Lisi Harrison 304 23 13 0.40% 16
    Eoin Colfer 302 11 27 0.13% 17
    Chris Heimerdinger 280 16 18 0.50% 18
    Cameron Dokey 271 9 30 0.74% 19
    Anthony Horowitz 260 24 11 0.46% 20
    James Patterson 257 8 32 0.23% 21
    Angie Sage 246 6 41 0.11% 22
    Joseph Delaney 240 9 27 0.33% 23
    Richelle Mead 202 6 34 0.21% 24
    Christopher Paolini 191 3 64 0.10% 25
    Alyson Noel 188 9 21 0.10% 26
    Garth Nix 182 11 17 0.21% 27
    Sara Shepard 181 8 23 0.41% 28
    Hilari Bell 178 12 15 0.10% 29
    Michael Scott 165 4 41 0.61% 30
    Gary Paulsen 163 26 6 0.20% 31
    Ellen Schreiber 160 9 18 0.20% 32
    Patricia C. Wrede 158 9 18 0.78% 33
    Frewin Jones 155 8 19 0.19% 34
    Melissa de la Cruz 154 7 22 0.28% 35
    Maggie Stiefvater 153 4 38 0.09% 36
    Ally Carter 152 5 30 0.37% 37
    Jack Weyland 151 11 14 0.09% 38
    Suzanne Weyn 150 8 19 0.09% 39
    Sarah Dessen 150 9 17 0.37% 40
    Margaret Peterson Haddix 144 8 18 0.46% 41
    Libba Bray 136 4 34 0.82% 42
    Rachel Caine 134 9 15 0.09% 43
    R.L. Stine 132 43 3 0.09% 44
    Caroline B. Cooney 132 30 4 1.07% 45
    Kelley Armstrong 131 3 44 0.27% 46
    Gerald Morris 129 10 13 0.09% 47
    Diana Wynne Jones 128 6 21 0.26% 48
    Jean Ferris 127 13 10 0.17% 49
    Anna Godbersen 127 5 25 0.17% 50
    Cecily von Ziegesar 126 24 5 0.17% 51
    Janette Rallison 125 10 13 0.08% 52
    Markus Zusak 124 4 31 0.08% 53
    Lurlene McDaniel 124 47 3 0.17% 54
    Lisa Mangum 124 2 62 0.91% 55
    Mette Ivie Harrison 123 4 31 0.08% 56
    Ann Rinaldi 119 31 4 0.72% 57
    Kate Brian 118 21 6 0.08% 58
    Carolyn Meyer 115 12 10 0.08% 59
    Cinda Williams Chima 113 5 23 0.38% 60
    Amelia Atwater-Rhodes 112 11 10 0.08% 61
    Frank Beddor 110 3 37 0.08% 62
    Heather Brewer 108 5 22 0.08% 63
    Laurie Halse Anderson 108 8 14 0.30% 64
    Herbie Brennan 106 5 21 0.30% 65
    Kristin Cashore 105 2 53 1.91% 66
    Robin McKinley 105 6 18 0.07% 67
    R.D. Henham 104 7 15 0.21% 68
    Donna Jo Napoli 104 15 7 0.14% 69
    Catherine Jinks 101 10 10 0.21% 70
    Aprilynne Pike 101 2 51 0.21% 71
    Louise Rennison 101 10 10 0.55% 72
    Brandon Sanderson 100 4 25 0.34% 73
    Debbie Viguie 100 6 17 0.46% 74
    Melissa Marr 99 4 25 0.07% 75
    Catherine Fisher 98 8 12 0.13% 76
    Jonathan Stroud 97 6 16 0.99% 77
    Lauren Brooke 95 26 4 0.33% 78
    L.A. Meyer 95 8 12 0.13% 79
    Lisa McMann 94 3 31 0.13% 80
    Simone Elkeles 93 7 13 0.39% 81
    Ally Condie 93 6 16 0.32% 82
    Lynne Ewing 91 18 5 0.06% 83
    Donita K. Paul 90 6 15 0.06% 84
    Carrie Jones 88 3 29 0.06% 85
    Lois Lowry 86 3 29 0.06% 86
    Kenneth Oppel 80 4 20 0.19% 87
    Mary Hoffman 79 7 11 0.06% 88
    Philip Reeve 78 9 9 0.57% 89
    Jen Calonita 78 6 13 0.12% 90
    Holly Black 78 5 16 0.12% 91
    Laurie Faria Stolarz 76 7 11 0.06% 92
    Catherine Gilbert Murdock 76 4 19 0.24% 93
    James Dashner 75 2 38 0.06% 94
    Diane Duane 75 9 8 0.06% 95
    Philip Pullman 73 9 8 0.18% 96
    Gordon Korman 72 16 5 0.18% 97
    Neal Shusterman 72 9 8 0.47% 98
    Jerry Spinelli 72 8 9 0.17% 99
    Jane Yolen 71 14 5 0.06% 100
    N.D. Wilson 70 3 23 0.23% 101
    Ellen Hopkins 70 6 12 0.06% 102
    Carrie Ryan 69 2 35 0.45% 103
    Becca Fitzpatrick 68 2 34 0.05% 104
    Lesley Livingston 68 3 23 0.05% 105
    Esther Friesner 68 6 11 0.05% 106
    Megan Whalen Turner 68 4 17 0.43% 107
    Alex Flinn 68 3 23 0.48% 108
    Elizabeth Knox 67 2 34 0.48% 109
    Bree Despain 66 2 33 0.32% 110
    Bryan Davis 66 8 8 0.11% 111
    Patrick Carman 66 5 13 0.84% 112
    Nancy Werlin 65 6 11 0.05% 113
    Ann Brashares 64 4 16 0.05% 114
    K.A. Applegate 64 18 4 0.05% 115
    Rachel Cohn 64 9 7 0.05% 116
    Linda Buckley-Archer 63 3 21 0.05% 117
    Cornelia Funke 63 2 32 0.05% 118
    Ted Dekker 62 7 9 0.05% 119
    Vivian Vande Velde 62 13 5 0.21% 120
    Nancy Springer 62 7 9 0.05% 121
    Carolyn Keene 61 49 1 0.15% 122
    Kieran Scott 60 6 10 0.10% 123
    Robin Palmer 59 3 20 0.45% 124
    Claudia Gray 59 3 20 0.30% 125
    Victoria Hanley 58 4 15 0.55% 126
    Carl Hiaasen 58 3 19 0.15% 127
    Philip Pullman  57 2 29 0.15% 128
    Lauren Kate 57 2 29 0.29% 129
    Marilyn Kaye 57 29 2 0.05% 130
    Lili St. Crow 56 2 28 0.14% 131
    Sharon Shinn 56 5 11 0.05% 132
    T.A. Barron 55 6 9 0.05% 133
    Marissa Doyle 55 2 28 0.05% 134
    Celia Rees 54 6 9 0.05% 135
    Alane Ferguson 54 6 9 0.05% 136
    Ridley Pearson 54 4 14 0.05% 137
    Elizabeth Scott 54 4 14 0.05% 138
    Clare B. Dunkle 53 6 9 0.05% 139
    Jaclyn Moriarty 52 4 13 0.05% 140
    James A. Owen 52 4 13 0.05% 141
    Justin Somper 52 5 10 0.05% 142
    David Klass 52 11 5 0.19% 143
    E. Lockhart 51 6 9 0.24% 144
    Cornelia Funke  51 1 51 0.09% 145
    Rachel Vail 51 3 17 0.28% 146
    Susan Beth Pfeffer 49 4 12 0.09% 147
    Rachel Vincent 49 3 16 0.14% 148
    K.M. Grant 49 7 7 0.27% 149
    Michael Grant 49 3 16 0.14% 150
    Maureen Johnson 48 4 12 0.05% 151
    Terry Pratchett 48 5 10 0.05% 152
    Kay Lynn Mangum 48 3 16 0.05% 153
    Sarah Mlynowski 48 5 10 0.05% 154
    Judy Blundell 48 1 48 0.05% 155
    Wayne Thomas Batson 48 7 7 0.05% 156
    Christopher Pike 47 19 2 0.05% 157
    David Lubar 47 8 6 0.05% 158
    Janet Lee Carey 46 3 15 0.40% 159
    Kami Garcia & Margaret Stohl 46 2 23 0.31% 160
    Lene Kaaberbol 45 4 11 0.54% 161
    Alison Croggon 45 4 11 0.98% 162
    Tera Lynn Childs 45 3 15 0.13% 163
    Lois Duncan 45 13 3 0.13% 164
    Carol Lynch Williams 44 3 15 0.09% 165
    Louis Sachar 44 2 22 0.17% 166
    Laini Taylor 44 3 15 0.13% 167
    Martha Finley 44 14 3 0.08% 168
    Kimberly Pauley 43 2 22 0.04% 169
    John Grisham  43 1 43 0.04% 170
    Beth Fantaskey 43 2 22 0.04% 171
    Guillaume Prevost 43 3 14 0.08% 172
    Margaret Mahy 43 5 9 0.04% 173
    A.J. Butcher 42 5 8 0.04% 174
    Lauren Conrad 42 3 14 0.04% 175
    Justine Larbalestier 42 5 8 0.04% 176
    Deb Caletti 42 4 11 0.13% 177
    Joan Lowery Nixon 42 16 3 0.04% 178
    Aimee Friedman 42 3 14 0.04% 179
    Gloria Whelan 41 10 4 0.04% 180
    Anne Osterlund 41 2 21 0.04% 181
    Philip Caveney 41 3 14 0.04% 182
    Eva Ibbotson 41 2 21 0.04% 183
    Michael Carroll 41 3 14 0.04% 184
    Francine Pascal 40 14 3 0.04% 185
    Walter Dean Myers 40 11 4 0.13% 186
    Gillian Shields 40 3 13 0.08% 187
    Isobelle Carmody 40 7 6 0.46% 188
    Fuyumi Ono  40 4 10 0.12% 189
    Stuart Hill 39 3 13 0.12% 190
    William Sleator 39 14 3 0.08% 191
    Michael Cadnum 38 11 3 0.08% 192
    Timothy Zahn 38 6 6 0.16% 193
    Sharon M. Draper 38 9 4 0.16% 194
    Peter Abrahams 37 5 7 0.33% 195
    Madeline L’Engle 37 11 3 0.12% 196
    Jenny B. Jones 37 3 12 0.28% 197
    Kimberly Derting 37 1 37 0.92% 198
    William Nicholson 37 3 12 0.20% 199
    Susane Colasanti 36 3 12 0.94% 200
    Ben Mikaelsen 36 5 7 0.08% 201
    Jacquelyn Mitchard 36 5 7 0.08% 202
    Richard Peck 36 9 4 0.04% 203
    Tim Green 36 6 6 0.04% 204
    Marilyn Reynolds 36 8 5 0.04% 205
    Sarah Miller 36 3 12 0.04% 206
    Sara Zarr 36 3 12 0.04% 207
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  • Monster Hunter International by Larry Correia

    MonsterHunterInternational_LarryCorreiaThere’s a joke that all horror movies would be over in two minutes if you just made the hero smart and gave him a gun.

    Well, Correia gives his likeable hero a gun, but not just any old thing. If you’re going to kill a vampire, why not use a rocket propelled grenade or a flame thrower? In fact, if there were enough monster outbreaks, you might have a government agency. You might also find that agency was willing to outsource some of the monster hunting to private contractors (ala Blackwater). And you can bet they won’t be hunting with pea shooters. They’ll be doing it right, with brains and firepower. Correia, someone who loves guns (used to own a gun shop and shoot competitively in rifle, shotgun, and pistol) and monsters, wrote a story that does just that.

    The idea of Larry Correia’s Monster Hunter International might remind you a bit of X-Files or Men in Black, but it’s neither. However, it is as  good as or better than both. Correia tells the story of Owen Pitt, a big lug of an accountant, who, as he was working late one evening, gets called into the office of his boss. No big deal, right? Except the fat man is naked, transforming into a werewolf, and vows to eat Pitt’s heart. It’s not quite how you want to end your day tallying debits and credits. Pitt almost dies in the encounter, but manages to “live the American dream” and throw his incompetent jerk of a boss from the fourteenth-story window and splatter him on a double-parked Lincoln Navigator below.

    Good work for a bean counter. When Pitt finally recovers, he gets an offer he can’t refuse (mostly because of the alluring agent that comes to recruit him), and he joins Monster Hunter International (MHI), the private contractor who sends out special force teams to use any means at their disposal to kill monsters. Unlucikly for Pitt, one of the baddest monsters around is just about to ruin the world forever, and Pitt finds himself in the middle of the fight.

    Correia fills the book with enough action for any red-blooded male, a variety of bad mamba jamba monsters, and wonderful characters. There’s romance and heroism (I got a lump in my throat at one part toward the end), but his signature is his humor. I laughed again and again.

    Part of that humor stems from the fact that Correia has an ear for good lines. Part stems from his delight in taking common tropes and stereotypes and twisting them. And this is another one of the things that I enjoyed immensely about the book. For example, the team of newbie hunters that Pitt joins is not made up of square-jawed males and females with Navy SEAL backgrounds, although some in the company do have that. Nope, Correia puts together an accountant, librarian, school teacher, and stripper (all people who faced some kind of monster and are ready for payback), and he makes them believable hunters. 

    This tongue-in-cheek tweaking is everywhere. There are elves in this book unlike any you have ever seen. But he also makes it personal. Owen is not your typical accountant. Even a number of the minor characters get this treatment. For example, one of the people on the team is a Black guy with Rasta hair. But Correia doesn’t choose from what Correia calls one of the four Hollywood stereotypes. Nope, this guy plays against those types. He isn’t the comic relief, the gangsta, the sports dude, or scary male. He’s his own man, a shy virgin with a good heart. Correia also gives his characters interesting backstories. And one of the delights is discovering them.

    I encountered a few minor flaws in the presentation, but these are easily overlooked. Easily. There’s also quite a bit of profanity (and so those who wish to avoid it are forewarned). However, when I turned the last page Friday night, I looked up at Larry who was lying on his bed in our La Quinta hotel room in Denver, his concealed .45 and 9mm guns on the floor beside him, and said, “Wow. WOW.” And then I think I said, “Dude, what a marvelous read” or maybe it was “Oh, great lord of zombie destruction tales do not smite me,” but I’m not sure because I was still thinking about the perfect last line of the perfect last scene of the last chapter.

    Now, those exclamations of satisfaction and delight had nothing to do with the guns on the floor, that Larry’s a deadly shot, or that he’s a big 6’3″ Portugese. It has nothing to do with the fact that he and I were on a book tour together. I don’t read books that don’t grab me. End of story. I stopped doing that long ago. I don’t care who wrote them. And I don’t give false praise. False praise irks me to no end and does nobody any good, especially not the receiver. The truth is that Larry’s book was simply too good to put down. It pulled me in with the opening quote and kept delivering the goods until the end. And if you don’t believe me, you read the quote that both inspiried and opens the book and tell me you don’t want to turn the next page.

    “You know what the difference between me and you really is? You look out there and see a horde of evil, brain-eating zombines. I look out there and see a target-rich environment.” ~Dillis D. Freeman Jr.

    Yeah, it got ya, didn’t it. The ride is waiting folks. Just go on over to Amazon. Correia is going to be a writer to watch.

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  • |

    Writing Update: Curse, trebuchets, CONduit, book industry, & Robinson Wells

    As of 5 PM this last Saturday I have finished 15,000 words of the climax of Curse of a Dark God. I think I have another 10,000 to go and the book will be done. I’m so close to the end of this draft! So don’t let the progress bars fool you. The ending is coming together fabulously–lots of spectacle, big reveals, and major heroics. At least, I think so.

    While working on this, I had to spend a number of hours finding out how strong a wind must be to pick up humans and stones. I also needed to know the destructive forces of various classes of tornados and hurricanes. Why would I need to know such things? I write fantasy, for Leroy’s sake!

    (Yes, that’s good English; I’m a writer, and one of my prerogatives is to make up silly versions of common expletives using the names of friends and enemies.)

    Here’s why: I just can’t write if I don’t believe in what I’m writing. And when I’ve got monsters (skir) that can generate winds that will be used in a siege, well, I had to know the terminal velocities of what these creatures could throw, and what that might mean for fortress defense. I had to know the limitations and ramifications.

    I won’t rehearse all the fascinating details (and it WAS fascinating), but all that research did lead me to a wonderful documentary. It’s called Secrets of Lost Empires 2: Medieval Siege and was produced by Nova in 2000. You can get it on Netflix or Amazon.  In the film, fifty carpenters worked day and night to create and test what they dubbed “the fourteenth century version of the atom bomb”–the trebuchet (tre-byou-SHAY). The trebuchet as the most popular throwing machine in Europe during the middle ages. If you love the history of medieval war, you’ll love this film. You might want to add to it a reading of the excellent Ancient and Medieval Siege Weapons by Konstantin Nossov, which you can get via the inter-library loan program.

    I’ll share two cool factoids for you history fans. “Catapult” means “shield-breaker,” “cata” meaning break or penetrate and “pelta” being the name of the shield used by the Greek light infantry. The original catapults were NOT big spoons–they sped arrows and balls along a track like a crossbow. However, instead of using the spring force of a bow, they used torsion-springs, which is what you get when you twist fibers that want to be straight. In the case of catapults the fibers were ropes made out of animal sinews or hair (horse or human, a woman’s hair being considered the best) and soaked in oil. Click on the image to see a larger picture. 

    A modern example of a torsion-spring are those balsa wood airplanes with propellers attached to a rubber band that’s hooked to the belly of the plane. To fly them, you rotate the propeller round and round, twisting the rubber band. Then you let the propeller go. Because the rubber wants to be straight, it reverses the twist, spinning the propeller the opposite way you twisted it. 

    You might think these torsion-spring engines were weak. But one catapult was reported as being powerful enough that an arrow shot from it broke through a shield, and the armored warrior standing behind it, at a distance of 400 yards! Hence, the name.

    The other factoid is that “trebuchet” comes from the French term meaning to overthrow. If you saw Return of the King, you’ll recognize them as the engines used on the towers of Minas Tirith. Trebuchets are simply an evolution of the staff sling. When it came to breaking castle walls, there was nothing more effective until the cannon appeared. Of course, in my book I use them a bit differently. You’ll see.

    One funny thing. I watched the movie with my oldest who was just as fascinated with the engines as I was. When she was telling my wife about the film, she kept referring to trech-uh-butts. Which, I guess, is as fair an attempt at “trebuchet” as any. However, my wife kept picturing buttocks and couldn’t figure out what the heck my daughter was talking about–“You were watching what with your father?!”

    The French make things so hard . . .

    ***

    The Monday after CONduit I left for work in Mexico and then Vegas. I didn’t get back until this week. So I just wanted to say I had a great time at the con. Loved chatting with all the folks there.

    It was great to see the Larry Correia, Paul Genesse, Jessica Day George, Isaac Stewart (and his brother Dan), Mette Harrison, Eric James Stone, Darren Egget, Julie Frost, Sandra Tayler, LE Modesitt, Josh Perkey, Nicole (whose husband is an Orem cop and I lost his number), Daniel Who-I-Sacrificed-to-My-Editor, and the Dungeon Crawlers Radio guys.

    It was also nice to speak with Julie Wright who was one of the initial judges for the Whitney Awards. She’s always nice to chat with, but this time it was especially nice since she said reading Servant of a Dark God was like eating chocolate. I’ll take chocolate praise any day.

    I also met new author Janci Patterson who just sold a YA with a great premise. It’s called SKIP and is about a young girl whose parents are divorced. The girl has to go stay with her dad who lives in a trailer and is a bounty hunter. I’m a sucker for bounty hunter stories. Especially this one, because she goes out with him and falls in love with one of the guys her dad has to haul in. I’ve slaughtered the pitch, but I got that good old writer’s envy when she told me about it. Can’t wait to read it.

    I also got to see Barbara Hambly. I was at LTUE when she was there like 20 years ago. We loved her stuff. She suddenly dropped out of the writing scene in the early 90’s and now I know why–it appears Del Rey dropped all their midlist authors except for Anne McCaffery and someone else. Hambly was one of the causalities.

    ***

    After Hambly’s main address, I sat with a few authors and had a brief discussion about the book industry where it was suggested the industry was shrinking–fewer readers, fewer sales, doom, doom, doom. But that is exactly opposite all the data I’ve seen.

    1. Book sales have an annual average growth over the last seven years of 1.1%, adult paperbacks are growing 2.9% http://www.publishers.org/main/IndustryStats/indStats_02.htm or http://www.publishers.org/main/IndustryStats/documents/S12009Final.pdf . Now, this doesn’t show units sold. So it could be that they sold fewer units for more money per unit. Still, it shows at the very least that $$$ aren’t shrinking.
    2. The New Book Titles report here shows an increase in the number of titles: http://www.bowker.com/index.php/book-industry-statistics — 80% increase from 2002 to 2009.
    3. Reading rates are actually on the rise: http://johndbrown.com/2009/03/literary-reading-rates-on-the-rise/
    4. Finally, I contacted Bookscan for their numbers for an ALA conference I did last summer. This is just juvenile fiction, but the numbers are in units. Now, I don’t know if they added more sources to their database and so that caused a rise, but I explained to them what I was trying to do—see trends over time—and this is the data they provided. According to their numbers, more juvenile books are being sold now than in 2004. Click on the graphic below. This means we have more and more readers rising up through the ranks! One author asked how much of that was Rowling and Meyer. During that period books by those authors accounted for an average of 7-10% of all juvenile fiction. Bookscan categorizes “juvenile” as everything for kids. That means from Go, Dog Go up through what we consider Young Adult. R&M accounted for an average of 33-36% of what Bookscan categorizes as science fiction, fantasy, or magic within the juvenile mega-category. What all that means is the growth is across the whole category, not just with their books.

    So I’m very sanguine about the book industry’s prospects. Today’s youth seem to be able to play computer games AND read in great quantities.

    ***

    Finally, one last bit of news. Robinson Wells was the one of the main ones to start the Whitney Academy and the Whitney Awards. Well, he just got some fabulous news. Here’s the announcement from Publishers Marketplace: “Robison Wells’ YA debut dystopian thriller VARIANT, a modern-day LORD OF THE FLIES, set at a boarding school where not everything is as it seems and every day is a fight for survival, in a significant deal, in a three-book deal, to Erica Sussman at Harper Children’s.”

    For those of you who don’t know, here are the PM deal categories.

    • “nice deal” $1 – $49,000
    • “very nice deal” $50,000 – $99,000
    • “good deal” $100,000 – $250,000
    • “significant deal” $251,000 – $499,000
    • “major deal” $500,000 and up

    Oh, baby. Someday. Someday. Of course, I’m nothing but happy for Mr. Wells!

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